Page iii How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You Leil Lowndes CONTEMPORARY BOOKS A TRIBUNE COMPANY Page ivLibrary of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataLowndes, Leil.How to make anyone fall in love with you / Leil Lowndes.p. cm.Includes bibliographical references and index.ISBN 0-8092-3211-11. Love. 2. Man-woman relationships. 3. Intimacy(Psychology) 4. Sexual excitement. I. Title.HQ801.L69 1996306.7—dc20 96-14502 CIP

Jacket design by Scott RattrayInterior design by Mary LockwoodExcerpt from Obsession:Copyright © 1995 by Debra McCarthy-Anderson and Carol Bruce-Thomas. All rights reserved.Reproduced with the permission of the publisher, Harlequin Books S.A.Copyright © 1996 by Leil LowndesAll rights reservedPublished by Contemporary BooksAn imprint of NTC/Contemporary Publishing CompanyTwo Prudential Plaza, Chicago, Illinois 60601-6790Manufactured in the United States of AmericaInternational Standard Book Number: 0-8092-3211-110 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Page vTo fulfill the promise of the title, How toMake Anyone Fall in Love with You offers85 techniques based on scientific studies intothe nature of romantic love. Page viiCONTENTS 11 2Anyone? Yes, Practically Anyone 4 5 Science \"Discovers\" Sex 7 9 How More Research Was Compiled How the Techniques Were Developed How I Tested the Techniques2What Makes People Fall in Love? The Six Elements

What Makes People Fall in Love? The Six Elements 9 10 I. First Impressions 11 II. Similar Character, Complementary Needs 12 III. Equity 13 IV. Ego 14 V. Early-Date Gender-Menders 17 VI. Rx for Sex 173 17The Physical Side of Falling in Love 18 19 \"Why Do My Insides Go All Funny?\" \"Does Somebody Have to Be Pea-Brained to Fall in Love with Me?\" Page viii \"Why Do We Fall in Love with One Person and Not Another?\" \"How Can These Little Things Start Love?\" 234 23Where Are All the Good Men and Women? 25 Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places 295 29Does Love at First Sight Exist?Part One: First Impressions You Never Get a SecondChance at Love at First Sight6How to Make a Dynamite First Impression First Impressions Last Forever

First Impressions Last Forever 29 Be Ready for Love—Always! 30 Stay Psychologically \"Fit to Kill\" 32 357How to Ignite Love at First Sight 37 39 How Much Eye Contact Does It Take to Imitate Love? 41 How to Get Sexy \"Bedroom Eyes\" 42 How to Awaken Primal, Unsettling, Sexy Feelings in Your Quarry 45 Naughty Eyes Are So Nice 458 46Your First Approach 49 50 The Gentle Art of Pickup (Not for Men Only) 53 Hunters, Make the First Move . . . Fast Huntresses, Make the Fast Move . . . First 53 First Moves That Work for Women 56 579 60Your First Body Language 61 Let Your Body Do the Talking 61 When You Are Quarry 62 The Word That Can Save Your Relationship \"But This Is So Basic!\"10Your First Conversation Conversation Is Making Beautiful Music Together Conversation Is Like Making Love

Conversation Is Like Making Love 62 Conversation Is Like Selling 62 How to Know What Topics Turn Your Quarry On 65 How to Fool Your Quarry into Thinking You Two Are Already in Love Page ix Get Even Closer by Giving the Gift of Intimacy Make Your Lifestyle \"Fit\" Your Quarry's Lovemap 68 7011 71Your First Date 75 The Game Begins in Earnest 75 \"How Soon Should I Make My Move?\" 76 \"Playing Hard to Get—Should I, or Shouldn't I?\" 77 The Scientifically Proved Best First Date 79 Give Your Quarry First-Date Butterflies 80 Plant the Seeds of Similarity 82 First-Date Restaurant Smarts 82 Hunters, Some Spit and Polish for Your P's and Q's 84 Huntresses, Forgive His Foibles 85 First-Date Duds 87 \"I Haven't Got a Thing to Wear\" 87Part Two: Similar Character, Complementary Needs IWant a Lover Just Like Dear Old Me (Well, Almost)!

Want a Lover Just Like Dear Old Me (Well, Almost)! 9312\"It's You and Me, Baby, Alone Against This Mad, Mad 94World\" 97 97 Similarity . . . and a Touch of Difference (Just a Touch) 98 10113 105How to Establish Subconscious Similarity 105 113 How to Instantly Make Your Quarry Feel, \"Why, We're Just Alike!\" 117 Words to Give Your Quarry \"That Family Feeling\" 117 \"We Even Speak the Same (Body) Language\" Page x14How to Establish Conscious Similarity 123 124 The Three Crucial Conscious Similarities 127 Let's Talk About Our Relationship—Not!15How to Establish Complementary Needs \"I Got Just What You Need, Baby\"Part Three: Ego How Do You Love Me? Let Me Countthe Ways16The World Revolves Around You, My Quarry Ego Massage Is a Highly Skilled Craft17Step One: Silent Praise

Step One: Silent Praise 127 129 Let Your Body Do the Praising 12918 131Step Two: Empathy 133 137 \"I Can Identify with That!\" 137 Lovers Share Intimate Details 141 Lovers Have Private Jokes 14119 142Step Three: Admiration 145 \"Oh Honey, You Did an Absolutely Superb Job Slicing These 145 Mushrooms\" 146 14920Step Four: The Implied Compliment 149 150 \"You're Much Too Young to Remember This, But . . .\" 151 152 The Bull's-Eye Booster: \"I Just Love What You Like About Yourself\" 15321Step Five: The Big Guns \"You Are the Most Fascinating Person I've Ever Met\" \"What Does Giving a Killer Compliment Do for Me?\"22Fine-Tuning the Ego Machine \"Wait a Minute. Does Everybody Like Compliments?\" Knee-Jerk Praise: \"What You Just Did Was Fabulous\" Have the First Laugh Lovers Give Each Other Pet Names When Your Quarry Praises You

23 Page xiKeeping the Love Coals Warm 155 \"I Love the Way You Wrinkle Your Nose When You Laugh\" 155Part Four: Equity The WIIFM Principle of Love (What'sin It for Me?) 16124 162Everybody's Got a Market Value, Baby 163 167 Why Is Finding Love Like Horse Trading? 167 What Currency \"Buys\" a Good Partner? 168 17025 173How Can I Use the Equity Principle to Find Love? 174 You Really Don't Want to Marry the Handsome Prince or the Beautiful 175 Princess 176 179 \"Why Don't I Want to Marry Up? 181 \"What Happens if Inequity Strikes After We're Married?\"26How Important Are Looks? What Type of Looks Do Women Like? What Type of Looks Do Men Like? \"How Can I Make My Quarry Think I'm Better Looking?\" How to Beef Up Your Odds on Making the Kill27Pursuing Rich and Famous Prey

Pursuing Rich and Famous Prey 181 182 The Look of Money 184 The Sound of Class 185 What Does the U Crowd Talk About? Use Status Words with Status Prey 18728 Page xiiUpping Your Ante in Other Assets 189 Knowledge, Social Graces, and Inner Beauty Are Tangible Assets 189 19129Help Them Convince Themselves That They Love You 195 196 Let Your Quarry Do Favors for You 199 Hey! What About \"O Lyric Love, Half Angel and Half Bird\"? 203Part Five: Early-Date Gender-Menders Is There Love 207After Eden?30\"I Hope He or She's Not a Jerk Like All the Others\" \"I Want a Man I Can Talk to, a Woman Who Thinks Like a Man\"31What Is \"Man Talk\" and What Is \"Woman Talk\"? (Does ItExist?)32\"How Do You Feel About That?\"33\"Excuse Me, Could You Tell Me Where . . .\"

\"Excuse Me, Could You Tell Me Where . . .\" 20934 213\"Please, Spare Me the Details\" 21735 217\"Tell Me (Don't Tell Me) About It\" 22136 225\"What's the Best Way to Get from Point A to Point B?\" 227 \"A Straight Line!\" He Declares; \"A Gentle Curve?\" She Asks Page xiii37 231\"Could You Give Me a Hand with This?\" 23338Little Words to Win Your Quarry's Heart 23539 235Are There Dangerous Waters Ahead in the Gender Gap? 236 237Part Six: Rx For Sex How to Turn On the SexualElectricity40Your Quarry's Hottest Erogenous Zone41No Two Sexualities Are Alike, as No Two Snowflakes AreAlike How Do Men's and Women's Sexual Desires Differ? Why Are Men's and Women's Fantasies So Different? Yet More Differences How to Use Differences to Make Your Quarry Fall in Love with You

How to Use Differences to Make Your Quarry Fall in Love with You 237 23942Forget the Golden Rule Between the Sheets 240 243 Men in Lust, Women in Love 24343 247Hunters, Make Love to a Woman as a Woman Wants It 253 The One-Hour Lesson That Will Change Your Life 254 Another Crash Course in Steamy Sensuality for Men 257 25944Huntresses, Have Sex with a Man as a Man Wants It 263 Let's Go to the Videotape 266 Additional ''Coarse'' Materials for Your Raw Sex Curriculum 267 26845A Quiz: Who Loves More, Men or Women? Page xiv46Your Quarry's Sexual Desires Are as Individual as a 269Thumbprint 273 Sex Is Like a Steak 275 The Number One Sexual Wish \"Why Did He or She Lose Interest?\" \"Is This Woman Enough for Me Sexually for the Rest of My Life?\"47Huntresses, Become a Sexual Sleuth Let Your Quarry Know You're a Sexual Adventurer

Let Your Quarry Know You're a Sexual Adventurer 275 Uncover His Core Fantasies 276 Make Your Quarry Feel Safe Sharing His Deepest Desires 276 The Hot Purr Follow-Up 279 Do All Men Have a Sexual Secret? 280 Ask Knock-His-Socks-Off Details Questions 281 Huntresses, Discover His Trigger Words 283 Give Your Quarry Good Bed Rap 286 28948Hunters, Do These Techniques Work with Women? 290 293 Peel Back Her Layers and Lay Bare Her Deeper Fantasies 294 Love Her as She Needs to Be Loved 295 Magic Words to Make Her Love You 297 Huntresses, Relationship Trigger Words Work for You, Too 29949 301Finally, Snaring the Confirmed Bachelor 303 Why Do Jerrys Want Such Far-Out Sex? 307 A Walk on the Weird Side Page xv50On Looking at Other Women 31151The Final Stone UnturnedAfterword

Afterword 311Notes 313About the Author 318 Page 11Anyone? Yes, Practically Anyone\"I don't get it.. I'm attractive, smart, sensitive, accomplished. Why doesn't he or she flip for me?Why can't I find love?\" How many times have you beat your fists on the pillow asking yourself thisquestion?You open this book skeptically, yet harboring hope, for the solution. You read the title: How toMake Anyone Fall in Love with You.\"That's a mighty big promise,\" you say. Indeed, it is. But the promise of this book is yours if you arewilling to follow a scientifically sound plan to capture the heart of a Potential Love Partner.Why, when history is strewn with broken hearts, do we now claim the means to make someone fallin love with us? Because, after centuries of resistance, science is finally unraveling what romanticlove actually is, what triggers it, what kills it, and what makes it last.Just as ancient tribesmen saw an eclipse and thought it was black magic, we looked at love andthought it was enchantment. Sometimes, especially during those first blissful moments when we wantto stop strangers on the street and cry out, \"I'm in love!\" it may feel like enchantment, but, as weenter the 21st Page 2century, we are discovering that love is a definable and calculable blend of chemistry, biology, andpsychology. (And, well, maybe a little black magic thrown in.)As science sets sail in previously unknown seas, we are at last beginning to understand the rudimentsof that \"most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions,\" as George Bernard Shawdescribed love. And what makes people want to stay in that \"excited, abnormal, and exhaustingcondition continuously until death do them part\"? The question, and the quandary, of ''Precisely whatis love?\" is not new. It is one that has been given serious consideration throughout the ages bycerebral heavyweights like Plato, Sigmund Freud, and Charlie Brown.In the darkened Broadway theater in 1950, the audiences of South Pacific were in total harmonywith Ezio Pinza when he pondered, \"Who can explain it? Who can tell you why? Fools give you

reasons. Wise men never try.\" Well, recently, many wise men and women have tried, andsucceeded. Don't blame Rodgers and Hammerstein. When they were composing romantic musicals,the scientific community was as perplexed about love as Nellie and Emile de Becque singing theirbewilderment about some enchanted evening.Science \"Discovers\" SexLong before Sigmund Freud tackled the subject, analytical scientific minds agreed that love wasbasic to the human experience. But their rational brains also deemed that evaluating, classifying, anddefining romantic love was impossible and therefore a waste of time and money. Freud went to hisdeathbed declaring, \"We really know very little about love.\"His dying words remained the scientific doctrine. At least until the early 1970s when apioneer-spirited band of social psychologists took up the scientists' constant cries of why? andhow? They began asking themselves—and everybody they could lure into theirlaboratories—questions about romantic love. Page 3Two women psychologists made a breakthrough by inadvertently focusing the attention of themodern press on the ancient question of \"What is love?\" Ellen Berscheid, PhD, with a colleague,Elaine Hatfield, managed to wangle an $84,000 federal grant to study romantic love. Berscheidconvinced the National Science Foundation to open its coffers by declaring, \"We alreadyunderstand the mating habits of the stickleback fish. It is time to turn to a new species.\"Berscheid's study, like others before, might have gone unnoticed and unpublished, except for adozen or so pages in an obscure professional journal. Fortunately for love seekers everywhere, onemorning on Capitol Hill, former United States Senator William Proxmire of Wisconsin was goingthrough his papers. Buried deep in the pile was the NSF's \"frivolous\" grant to two women to studyrelationships.Proxmire hit the dome! Eighty-four thousand dollars to study what? He dashed off an explosivepress release announcing that romantic love was not a science and, furthermore, he roared,\"National Science Foundation, get out of the love racket. Leave that to Elizabeth Barrett Browningand Irving Berlin.\" Proxmire then added a personal note: \"I'm also against it because I don't wantthe answer.\" He assumed everyone felt the same. How wrong he was!Proxmire's reaction set off an international firestorm that raged around Berscheid for the next twoyears. \"Extra! Extra! Read all about it. National Science Foundation Tackles Love!\" Newspapershad a field day. Cameras and microphones zeroed in on Berscheid with gusto. The quietresearcher's office was swamped with mail.Proxmire's potshot at love had backfired. Instead of putting an end to the \"frivolous pursuit,\" hisbrouhaha generated tempestuous interest in the study of love. James Reston of the New York Timesdeclared that if Berscheid et al. could find \"the answer to our pattern of romantic love, marriage,disillusion, divorce—and the children left behind—it would be the best investment of federal moneysince Jefferson made the Louisiana Purchase.\"

Page 4It was as though Ellen Berscheid had pulled her finger out of the dike. Ever since, there has been atorrent of studies scrutinizing every aspect of love. Respected social scientists with names like Foa,Murstein, Dion, Aron, Rubin, and many others relatively unknown outside the scientific world havegiven us an as-yet-unopened gift—a gift we will unwrap now: The results of their labors, theirstudies, teach us (although that was not their purpose) how to make somebody fall in love.Granted, some of the studies don't guide us directly to that goal. To find the relevant studies, I had tocomb through hundreds of scientific probings with cumbersome titles such as \"The Implications ofExchange Orientation on the Dyadic Functioning of Heterosexual Cohabitors.\" (Huh?) Some studieshad mice listening to classical music, then jazz and blues, to see which made them hornier.1 Otherstudies which were worthless to our goal explored sexual attraction to corpses,2 and then therewere studies on tantric motionless intercourse,3 which, I assumed, works only when a couple'shoneymoon cruise ship hits rocky seas.Happily, many studies bore tastier and more practical fruit. Especially helpful were studies by anintrepid researcher named Timothy Perper, a PhD who spent many hours observing subjects in hisfavorite laboratory, called a \"singles' bar.\" We also benefit from brilliant examinations by RobertSternberg and his colleagues who explored theories of love. We learn from insightful earlyexplorations into the elements of infatuation by Dorothy Tennov and others. There were courageous,if relatively unknown, researchers like Carol Ronai. She actually took a job as a table dancer in atopless bar to record what facial expressions turn men on.4How More Research Was CompiledMy own firsthand research, although less daring, was no less vigorous. For more than ten years,before becoming a communications consultant and trainer, I was director of a research group Ifounded called The Project. Page 5The Project was a New York City-based not-for-profit corporation established to explore sexualityand relationships. During my tenure with The Project, I interviewed and catalogued thousands ofsubjects on what they sought in a partner. I gathered information from the students at the dozens ofuniversities where I was invited to speak on my research.Like the work of researcher Ellen Berscheid, The Project experienced an unsought avalanche ofattention which brought it to national attention. A Time magazine reporter covered one of oursessions and wrote a full-page article declaring \"Sex Fantasy Goes to Broadway,\" which, indeed, itdid.One arm of The Project had volunteers presenting psychodramatizations of their actual love fantasieson stage. Because there was no nudity and no explicit language, the squeaky-clean dramatizationswere unique and caught the attention of the three major television networks, which presented

excerpts of the vignettes on national programs. This, in turn, spawned dozens of articles in respectedmainstream publications in America and Europe.As a result, people from all over the world sent us their stories, their fantasies, their longings for love.They called or wrote to The Project detailing precisely what they sought in a romantic partner. Mostof the letters and calls we received were prefaced with comments like, \"I've never told anyone but . ..\" The callers and writers then proceeded to divulge their deepest desires to the anonymous Project.We listened, gratefully, as we gathered data on what made, or would make, people fall in love.How the Techniques Were DevelopedLet us leave the world of sexuality for a moment. Come with me to my second discipline, the field ofcommunications. It is here I take the findings, and turn them into workable techniques to makesomeone fall in love with you.It has been proved beyond any doubt that there are ways to induce desired behavior from people. Ifthere were not, all Page 6psychologists and thousands of corporate trainers, myself included, would be out of business. Thereare established methods for invoking various emotions and for changing people's behavior. Forexample, we can learn how to deal with difficult people or how to make troublesome employeesrespond in the desired way.Feedback from seminars I have presented for government organizations, universities, professionalassociations, and corporations convinces me that we can indeed effect changes in behavior patterns.We accomplish this complex task by first understanding people's basic needs and motivations, thenby employing the right verbal and nonverbal skills to modify their behavior.That is what I do in this book. Drawing from the scientific studies, I reveal the basic needs andmotivations that make someone fall in love. Then I give you the right verbal and nonverbal skills toinduce the behavior you want—in this case, to make that person fall in love with you.This book is the result of many years of research and exploration into several disciplines:interpersonal relationships, human sexuality, communications skills, and gender differences. We notonly draw from scientific studies into the nature of love and from my personal research, but we alsobenefit from the work of modern therapists and communications analysts. I am especially grateful forthe work of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen5 and the clever Mars/Venus analogies of therapist JohnGray,6 who made it common knowledge that men and women have vastly different styles of thinkingand communicating.What is the recipe for making someone fall in love with you? Can it be reduced to a formula? Thefollowing sounds simple, but it is actually quite complicated.You start with a solid scientific base of what makes up interpersonal attraction. Then you gatherprofound information about your Quarry (the person you want to make fall in love with you). Next,

you employ sophisticated, often subliminal, communication techniques to meet his or her consciousand subconscious needs. Finally, you secure your Quarry with your spicy perception of preciselywhat he or she wants sexually. Page 7There you have it: the formula for making a Potential Love Partner fall in love with you.How I Tested the TechniquesI wasn't content with simply relying on research. I needed to see if these techniques would work inthe field. Several years ago, to test my theories, I created a seminar with the same title as this book,\"How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.\"Invitations flowed in from all over the country from colleges, singles' groups, clubs, and continuingeducation organizations. It is on this playing field that the material has been tested. And the feedbackfrom my students is, \"Yes!\" You can make someone fall in love with you.Is it a simple task? No.Does it require sacrifice? Yes.You may decide, after reading this book, that capturing his or her heart is simply not worth having togive that much of yourself. But if you do want to proceed, follow me. We will explore the skillsneeded to accomplish the task, to make the Potential Love Partner of your choice fall in love withyou. (You notice that I have used the words Potential Love Partner several times. I will do sothroughout the book because, although it is bulkier, the phrase is more accurate than anyone, whichmy publisher wisely decided is more readable.)Who are your Potential Love Partners? First, a Potential Love Partner (or PLP) is anyone who isready for love. Timing, if not everything, at least counts a lot. For example, if someone has just lost abeloved spouse, he or she may not be ready for love. That knocks him or her—temporarily—out ofthe PLP category.Second, a Potential Love Partner is anyone free of esoteric psychological (or Lovemap) needs.These are needs that, through no fault of your own, you can't fulfill. We'll talk a lot about yourQuarry's Lovemap later.That leaves many Potential Love Partners, a myriad of hearts to choose from. Let us embark nowupon the path that leads you to the heart of the man or woman you desire. Page 92What Makes People Fall in Love? The Six Elements

What are the long-awaited results of Berscheid's early studies and the deluge of those that followed?Well, maybe Freud was right. Romantic love is enigmatic. It is difficult to capture and convert intocomputerized, controlled bits and bytes of information. Instead, treating it as if it were a virus,scholars are tackling specific questions about love, nailing down a few facets at a time. They havemade tremendous progress.Out of the cascade of studies, six verities emerge about what makes people fall in love. To be asuccessful Hunter or Huntress of hearts, you must, like Cupid, be a skillful archer, and aim yourarrow dead center at the following six targets.I. First ImpressionsYou Never Get a Second Chance at Love at First SightThe first moments you spot your Quarry—and he or she gets a glimpse of you—can be decisive.Herein lies a ''go/no go\" decision. Scientists tell us that love's seeds are often sown during the firstfew minutes of a relationship.When two cats meet for the first time, they stop and look at each other. If one hisses, the otherbristles his coat and hisses Page 10back. However, if the first kitten gives a little nudge with its cold nose, the other kitten responds inkind, and they wind up purring together and licking each other's coats.A man and a woman getting to know each other are like two little animals sniffing each other out.We don't have tails that wag or hair that bristles, but we do have eyes that narrow or widen. Wehave hands that flash knuckles or subconsciously soften in the palms-up \"I submit\" position. Thereare dozens of other \"involuntary\" reactions that take place in the first few moments of interaction.The good news is that we can learn to control these presumed involuntary reactions.The moment you set eyes on each other, your Potential Love Partner subconsciously reads thesubtleties of your body language. In these first crucial moments, he or she can unconsciously resolveto try for romantic takeoff or abort thoughts of love. His or her mind then becomes computer-like,and your PLP continues to make rapid decisions about you during your first conversation, your firstdate.In Part One, we will cover techniques to lure Potential Love Partners into approaching you, intoliking you, and then into making a first date. I'll share scientifically sound methods of keeping theconversation exciting and making the first date stimulating for your Quarry.II. Similar Character, Complementary NeedsI Want a Lover Just Like Dear Old Me (Well, Almost)!If you pass the first impressions test, you enter the second phase. Here your Quarry starts making

judgments about you as a Potential Love Partner. His or her subconscious mind is saying, \"I wantsomeone like me. Well, almost like me.\"If there is to be compatibility for a lifetime, or even for a date, some similarity is necessary. Ourhearts are finely tuned instruments that seek someone who has values similar to ours, who holdsbeliefs similar to ours, and who looks at the world in more or less the same way we do. Similaritymakes us feel Page 11good because it confirms the choices we have spent our whole lives making. We also look forpeople who enjoy the same activities so we can have fun together. Similarity is indeed a launch padfor a good relationship takeoff.But we get bored with too much similarity. Besides, we need somebody to make up for our lacks.If we have no head for mathematics, who is going to balance the checkbook? If we are sloppy, whois going to pick up our socks?So we also look for complementary qualities in a long-term love partner. But not anycomplementary qualities—only the ones we find interesting or that enhance our lives. Hence, weseek someone who is both similar and complementary.In Part Two, we will explore methods of planting subliminal seeds of similarity in your Quarry's heartand ways to make him or her know that, even though you two are basically alike, you are different inso many utilitarian, fun, and interesting ways.III. EquityThe \"WIIFM\" Principle of Love\"Hey, baby, everybody's got a market value! Everybody wears a price tag.\" How pretty is she?How much prestige does he have? How blue is her blood? How much power does he wield? Arethey rich, intelligent, nice? What can they do for me?Does this sound ugly? Researchers tell us love is not really blind. Everybody—even the nicestpeople—has a touch of crass when it comes to choosing a long-term partner. It's no different than inthe business world where everybody asks, \"WIIFM?\" What's in it for me?I can hear some of you protesting, \"No, love is pure and compassionate. It involves caring, altruism,communion, and selflessness. That's what love is all about.\" Yes, that's what love is all about whengood people are truly in love. You've probably even met couples who are deeply devoted andwould sacrifice everything for each other. Yes, this kind of selfless love that we all dream of havingexists. But it comes later—much Page 12later. It comes only after you've made your partner fall in love with you.

If you want to make someone fall in love with you, researchers say, you must initially convince themthey're getting a good deal. We may not be conscious of it but, science tells us, tried and true marketprinciples apply to love relationships. Lovers unconsciously calculate the other person's comparableworth, the cost-benefit ratio of the relationship, the hidden costs, the maintenance fee, and theassumed depreciation. Then they ask themselves, \"Is this the best offer I can get?\" Everybody hasa big scorecard locked away in their heart. And, in order to make people fall in love with you, youhave to make them feel they're getting a very good deal.Is all lost if you weren't born drop-dead gorgeous, or if your grandfather's name wasn't Vanderbiltor Kennedy, or if you don't have the compassion of a Dr. Schweitzer? No. In Part Three, we willexplore silver-tongued verbal skills to replace the silver spoon that was never in our mouths whenwe were born. In that way, we can satisfy some very choosy Quarry.IV. EgoHow Do You Love Me? Let Me Count the WaysAt the blazing core of first romantic rumblings is ego. Perhaps Cupid misses the mark when he aimshis little arrow at Quarries' hearts. Science shows us where to really level our ammunition and takefire—right at their egos. People fall in love with people in whose eyes they behold the most idealreflections of themselves.Would-be lovers should be thrilled that ego makes the world go round, because Quarries' egos arevery vulnerable targets. There are multifarious ways to make your Quarry feel beautiful, strong,handsome, charming, dynamic, or however he or she wants to feel. There are big-strokecompliments, little-stroke caresses, and a myriad of deliciously devious means to make your Quarryfeel special. Subtle procedures can convince Quarries what they've suspected all along: \"I am differ- Page 13ent. I am wonderful. And to thank you for recognizing this amazing fact, I'll fall in love with you.''Everyone also hungers for security and validation. We seek protection in our primary relationshipfrom the cruel, cruel world. In Part Four, How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You exploresways to make your Quarry feel that you are the salvation—you are his or her safe harbor from thestorm of life.V. Early-Date Gender-MendersIs There Love After Eden?Everyone smiled knowingly in 1956 when Rex Harrison moaned from the Broadway stage, \"Oh,why can't a woman be more like a man?\" He knew his Fair Lady was a very different animal indeed.But in the era following My Fair Lady, feminists cast serious doubt on his convictions.Now, after many decades of pondering, presuming, and postulating on whether men and womenreally differ in anything but their genitals, the envelope has been opened. The answer is—drumroll

please—yes! Men and women think and communicate in dramatically different ways.Neurosurgeons can point to clumps of neurons in female brains that cause men like Henry Higgins inMy Fair Lady to call women \"exasperating, calculating, agitating, maddening, and infuriating.\"Scientists aim their needles at the molecules in the male brain that make women accuse men of being\"insensitive clods.\"Despite the torrent of data flowing in about the genetic, cerebral, and sexual differences betweenmen and women, both Hunters and Huntresses continue to assume we think alike and persist incourting each other in the way they'd like to be courted themselves. Perhaps recent scientific findingswill give men and women more insight into each other's style, but nothing short of a frontal lobotomycould make a permanent change in which brand of neurons our brains give off. Women will continueto be \"exasperating,\" and men will still be \"insensitive.\" And both will keep on communicating instyles that turn each Page 14other off, especially on the first dates.To avoid scaring off their prey before they bag it, serious big-game hunters know all thecharacteristics and habits of deer, moose, caribou, bison, and wild hogs. Likewise, serious loveHunters and Huntresses must be well versed in gender differences if they intend to make the kill.Part Five briefs you on how to avoid the most common early-date turnoffs to make even the mostwary Quarry comfortable letting down his or her guard. Love-shy Quarry who usually take flightwhen a man or woman gets too close will happily come within firing range of your arrow.VI. Rx for SexHow to Turn on the Sexual ElectricityMany books on how to turn on your partner make sex sound like flipping the switch on thenight-light next to your bed. \"Press here to speed up orgasm. Stroke there for an extra charge.\" Yes,sexuality is electricity, but your Quarry's bodily buttons only speed up or slow down the physicalfunctions. Mindpower is what drives the mighty machine and keeps it generating heat for manyyears. The most erotic organ in your Quarry's body is his or her brain.For details and how-tos, there is no lack of reference books. They have names like How to DriveYour Man Wild in Bed, How to Drive Your Woman Wild in Bed, How to Drive Your Man EvenWilder in Bed, and How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have Her Beg for More. The listgoes on. Such manuals are replete with detailed data for women on how to tickle that spot justbelow the \"cute little helmet\" to drive him out of his gourd. Men can examine idiotproof charts onwhere to let their fingers do the walking so as to not miss the U-turn that leads to her G-spot.All of this is important stuff—very important stuff. But when it comes to actually making somebodyfall in love with you, it pales in comparison to what I'll call brain fellatio—sucking the dreams, thelongings, and the fantasies out of your

Page 15Quarry, and then creating a lifelong erotic aura that he or she luxuriates in.Gentlemen, far more important for a woman than how many times you can \"do it\" in a week (or evenin a night) is the sensuality and passion you create in every aspect of your relationship. And thesensations you give her every time you look at her. Ladies, far more important to a man than yourbra-cup size or the curve of your hips, is the size and curve of your sexual attitude and how youdeal with his individual sexuality.No two sexualities are alike, just as no two snowflakes are alike. I will give you techniques touncover your Quarry's unique sexuality and then make love to him or her just the way he or she likesit. In Part Six, we will explore the right kind of sex to make your particular Quarry fall in love withyou.Let us now embark upon our six-part journey, starting with what happens physically when we fall inlove. Page 173The Physical Side of Falling in Love\"Why Do My Insides Go All Funny?\"Falling in love is both a mental and a physical process. Some of the first techniques you will learnignite your Quarry's physical response to you before his or her brain catches up. We will put lovethrough the brain-scanner and under the x-ray machine to examine what physically happens to yourQuarry when he or she starts to feel that incredible sensation called love.\"Does Somebody Have to Be Pea-Brained to Fall in Love with Me?\"As a matter of fact, yes. Scientists tell us only PEA -brained people fall in love. At the core ofinfatuation, they speculate, is a chemical called phenylethylamine, or PEA. It is a chemical cousin ofamphetamines and gives a similar \"kick.\"PEA comes from secretions through the nervous system and bloodstream that create an emotionalresponse equivalent to a high on drugs. This is the chemical which makes your heart palpitate, yourhands sweat, and your insides go all funny. (It is rumored that PEA can also make you want to ripyour Quarry's clothes off at the first available opportunity.) Page 18Phenylethylamine, scientists say, along with dopamine and norepinephrine, is manufactured in the

body when we first feel the physical sensations of romantic love. It is as close to a natural high as thebody can get. (Cole Porter obviously knew what he was singing about when he wrote \"I get a kickout of you.\")The bad news is that the kick doesn't last forever, or even for very long. This adds to the quicklymounting scientific evidence that romantic love is relatively short-lived. That's why some peoplebecome \"love junkies.\" The good news is that it does last long enough to kick-start great love affairs.Its average one-and-a-half to three-year duration is plenty of time to have a fantastic fling, get him orher to say \"I do,\" and/or propagate the species.Now, since you can't go around armed with a syringe filled with phenylethylamine, spot yourQuarry, and inject the PEA -filled tube into his or her bloodstream, you do the next best thing. Youdevelop techniques to trigger PEA -brained responses in people and give them the sensation thatthey are falling in love.\"Why Do We Fall in Love with One Person and Not Another?\"People don't just mysteriously wake up one morning with an overdose of PEA in their brains andthen develop a crush on the next person they set eyes on. No, PEA and its sister chemicals areprecipitated by emotional and visceral reactions to a specific stimulus.Like what? It can be a whiff of her perfume, the boyish way he says hello, or the adorable way shewrinkles her nose when she laughs. It could even be an innocuous article of clothing you're wearingthat drives your Quarry bonkers. For example, in 1924 Conrad Hilton, the founder of the Hiltonhotel chain, flipped over a red hat that he spotted sitting five pews in front of him in church. After theservices, he followed the Page 19red hat down the street and eventually married the lady walking under it.\"How Can These Little Things Start Love?\"Why do these seemingly meaningless stimuli kick-start love? Where do they come from? Are they inour genes?No, genes have nothing to do with falling in love. The origin lies deeply buried in our psyche. Theammunition that gets fired off when we see (hear, smell, feel) something we like is lying dormant inour subconscious. It springs from that apparently bottomless well from which most of our personalityrises—our childhood experiences or, most significantly, what happens to us between the tender agesof five and eight. When we are very young, a type of subconscious imprinting takes place, similarto the phenomenon that occurs in certain species of the animal kingdom.During the 1930s, an eminent Austrian ethologist, Dr. Konrad Lorenz, induced a flock of babyducks to become hopelessly attached to him. Observing how baby ducklings, shortly after hatching,begin to waddle along in single file behind their mother—and continue to do so into maturity—Dr.Lorenz decided to imprint the ducklings with himself.

Lorenz hatched a clutch of duck eggs in an incubator. At first sight of their little beaks breakingthrough eggshells, he squatted low as if he were a mother duck and waddled past the eggs. Theypromptly broke free and followed him across the laboratory. Thereafter, despite the presence of realfemale ducks, these imprinted little ducklings continued to waddle after Dr. Lorenz on every possibleoccasion.Researchers have shown that the phenomenon of imprinting is not limited to birds. Various forms ofit exist among fish, guinea pigs, sheep, deer, buffalo, and other mammalian species. Are humansimmune to imprinting? Well, unlike the duped ducklings queued up behind Dr. Lorenz, we don'tcontinue to Page 20crawl after the doctor who delivered us until we reach adulthood. But there is strong evidence thatwe fall prey to another kind of imprinting—an early sexual imprinting.Universally respected sexologist Dr. John Money coined the term Lovemap to describe thisimprinting. Our Lovemaps are carvings of pain or pleasure axed in our brains in early responses toour family members, our childhood friends, and our chance encounters. The cuts are so deep thatthey fester forever in some nook or cranny of the human psyche, just waiting to bleed again whenthe proper stimulus strikes.Dr. Money said, ''Lovemaps. They're as common as faces, bodies, and brains. Each of us has one.Without it there would be no falling in love, no mating, and no breeding of the species.\"7 YourQuarry has a Lovemap. You have a Lovemap. We all have Lovemaps. They are indelibly etchedinto our egos, our ids, our psyches, our subconscious. They can be positive imprintings. Forexample, perhaps your mother wore a certain perfume, your beloved father had a boyish grin, oryour favorite teacher scrunched up her nose when she laughed. Perhaps a beautiful lady in a red hatwas kind to little Connie Hilton when he was growing up in San Antonio, New Mexico.Lovemaps can be negative, too. Women, maybe you were molested as a child, so now you cannever love a man with a leering smile. Men, maybe your cruel wicked aunt wore Joy perfume, sonow any woman who gives you a whiff of Joy makes you want to flee like a bug blasted with insectrepellent.Lovemaps sometimes contain very convoluted paths. Early negative experiences can give them astrange twist. Women, maybe your father ran off with another woman, leaving you and your motheralone, so now, if your date so much as glances at a passing lady, you freak out. Gentlemen, perhapsyour beautiful baby-sitter spanked you when you were five, but it stimulated your little genitals andfelt good. So now, as an adult, you cannot fall in love with a woman unless she will give you lovespankings.Forgotten experiences, both positive and negative, are remembered by your sexual subconscious. Ifthe timing is right Page 21

and someone triggers one, BLAM! A shot of PEA shoots through your veins. It blasts your brain,blinding you to reason, and you begin to fall in love. It's the necessary spark to kick-start love.That's just for starters. The starter gets your car going, and then the battery takes over. Similarly,after your brain recuperates from its first shot of PEA , a little reason (hopefully) starts to make itsway through the grey matter. As you and your PLP get to know each other better, you beginexploring your similarities and your differences (we cover this in Part Two), and you both startasking yourselves, \"What can I get from this relationship?\" (Part Three). We listen to our ego andsee how much reinforcement it's getting (Part Four). Early love is very delicate, and often weinadvertently turn our Quarry off in the first few dates (Part Five). If we get beyond that, what goeson—or doesn't go on—between the sheets plays a gigantic role (Part Six). Throughout How toMake Anyone Fall in Love with You, we will explore all these factors from a scientific point ofview.Let us now go back to the beginning. Where do you find a Potential Love Partner? How do you getthat first shot of PEA shooting through his/her veins over you? Page 234Where Are All the Good Men and Women?Looking for Love in All the Wrong PlacesSingle and divorced people, young and old, all across America are asking themselves as they brushtheir teeth in the morning, as they shave or put on makeup, as they touch up the grey in their hair,\"Where are all the good men? Where are all the good women?\"\"One in five Americans is single and searching,\" American Demographics magazine tells us.8 Thatmeans there are forty-nine million Americans aged twenty-five and older who are single, widowed,or divorced. And their number is growing.\"Good,\" you say, \"but if there are so many Potential Love Partners around, where are they?\" Theanswer is, \"They are everywhere—looking for love—just like you.\" PLPS are sitting in the parkmunching a Blimpie, enjoying music at a concert, walking the dog, riding the commuter train, andgoing to restaurants all around you.Today, even with jet travel, on-line romances, and a shrinking globe, most people marry pretty closeto home. Studies on what social scientists call residential propinquity show that Cupid's arrowdoes not travel far. In fact, one study tells us the median distance traveled by an unskilled worker tofind his Page 24

spouse is just five blocks.9 Unless you've pitched your tent in the middle of the Sahara, you don'thave to venture far for your hunting expedition. You'll outfit yourself with some new knowledge and,armed with the techniques in this book, you can start tracking Quarry very close at hand.You've heard the wail of unsuccessful lovers: \"I'm looking for love in all the wrong places, lookingfor love in all the wrong faces.\" That's not the real problem. Most have been looking for love in allthe wrong ways.Theatrical performers know they need a different set of skills to get cast from an audition than theyneed to sustain a role on stage. They must immediately knock producers out with their talent,sometimes in one minute or less. Likewise, you need different skills to make someone fall in lovewith you than you need to keep a relationship warm for a lifetime. You must knock your Quarryout—sometimes in the first minute or less. Without that strong first kick, he or she might never get toknow you, let alone fall in love with you. Page 255Does Love At First Sight Exist?Let's say you get lucky tomorrow and spot a Potential Love Partner. He or she is sitting on the stepsreading a book. Or standing in a museum studying a painting. Or getting on the bus. Or waiting inline at the bank cash machine.You sneak a second peek. Something about the stranger revs up your internal PEA factory, and alittle dollop goes squirting through your veins. Maybe it's her looks, the way he moves, somethingshe's wearing. Her aura? Is this love at first sight? Does love at first sight even exist?Well, that's a semantics question. Instant desire, or lust at first sight, definitely exists. However, thescientific world pretty well agrees that love at first sight is merely Monday-morning quarterbacking. A successful love affair, perhaps one leading to marriage, is retrospectively declared to be true love; whereas if one is rebuffed, it is classified . . . as infatuation.'' Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality10Semantics aside, one fact remains. Any small stimulus can kick-start love. Your first moves whenyou spot a Potential Page 26Love Partner are crucial. If, from that powerful stimulus, love grows, you have every right to call itlove at first sight. Nobody will argue with you.Love at first sight has survived because it is an integral part of the many popular beliefs aboutromantic love. Romantic love is an important cultural value to Americans.11 In the same way that a

voodoo curse causes death only in persons who believe in its power to kill them, love at first sighttruly exists for those who believe in it. Page 27PART ONEFIRST IMPRESSIONSYOU NEVER GET A SECOND CHANCE AT LOVE AT FIRSTSIGHT Page 296How to Make A Dynamite First ImpressionFirst Impressions Last ForeverThe first moment your Quarry lays eyes on you has awesome potency. The picture burns its wayinto his or her eyes and can stay emblazoned in your Quarry's memory forever.I have a dear friend, an older gentleman named Gerald, who is very sought after in the social sceneof his hometown. He is a charming escort for several elderly ladies who long ago lost their husbands.Gerald met these women when they were all in high school together back in the late 1940OS. Hiswomen friends are inwardly beautiful; however, physically, several have gained weight and have longsince lost their youthful attractiveness.Once, at a party, I overheard a rude man tease Gerald about his taste in women. My friend wasgenuinely confused at the tactless remark.\"But they are all beautiful!\" Gerald exclaimed. He reached into his wallet and pulled out an old,dog-eared black-and-white photograph of his high school homecoming queen and her court.\"See?\" Gerald said to the man. Two of the three ladies he was currently escorting were in the photo.One of them was Page 30the homecoming queen. To this day, Gerald sees his lady friends as beautiful as they were back in1948. Such is the power of first impressions.Image consultants are paid thousands of dollars to pontificate in boardrooms across America, \"Younever get a second chance to make a first impression.\" The adage has been given the exalted status

of a proverb: \"First impressions are most lasting.\" So what else is new?What's new is this: Even as we enter the 21st century, we don't really comprehend the unbelievablecompass and consequence of first impressions. Or on what lilliputian details they are sometimesbased.Gentlemen, one backward baseball cap or gold chain flashing through the hair on your chest canmake or break a budding relationship with the lady before you even say \"hi.\" Ladies, one quarter ofa turn away when he ventures \"hello,\" can turn the handsome prince back into a frightened frog.Be Ready for Love—Always!If first impressions are so crucial and a Potential Love Partner makes the \"go/no go\" decision withinseconds of spotting you, here's the big question: Why do people looking for love spend so muchtime making themselves attractive when they go out on a date but so little when they take the dog tothe vet? By the time you have the date, your Quarry's first impression of you has already been set.How you look on the date is, of course, important. But it's not nearly as decisive as his or her firstglimpse of you.You don't realize it, but here's the sad truth: You have probably let dozens of PLPS get away inrecent months just because your trap wasn't set—you weren't fixed up for the kill. Hunters, thatmeans you weren't dressed for the part. Huntresses, that means you weren't groomed properly.Research shows that for men, clothes are more crucial to first impressions. For women, it's her bodyand face. Page 31Huntresses, you may well ask, \"Is makeup all that important?\" Let's go to the studies. Researchersasked men to talk with six different women who sometimes wore makeup, sometimes didn't. Theirstudy, \"Lipstick as a Determiner of First Impressions of Personality,\" revealed that the male opinionof each woman was very different when she wore lipstick.12Women, how many times, sauntering down the street without your makeup, have you spottedHandsome Stranger, who doesn't even look your way? If he's a typical male attracted by rosy lipsand nice big eyes, what do you expect? Men, how many times, in your grungy clothes, have youtried to talk to Lovely Lady on the bus who gives you a cursory answer and looks away? If she's atypical woman attracted by an air of competence and success, what do you expect?TECHNIQUE #1:DRESS FOR \"THE KILL\"—EVERYWHEREMen, this does not mean you have to don yourthree-piece suit to buy the newspaper. Women, it doesnot mean you need to slap on three coats of mascara towalk the dog. What it does mean is whenever you stepout the door, step out dressed to kill . . . your Quarry.

out the door, step out dressed to kill . . . your Quarry.We get lazy about first impressions due to the reinforcement theory. Say you fix yourself up for thekill. You go out to walk the dog three times, four times, looking like a traffic stopper, and nothinghappens.So you say, \"Hey, this doesn't work.\"In my sales seminars, I tell participants that the average sale is not made until after the fifth sales call.Give it some time. Can't you wait five more dog-walks for your future beloved to say, \"Nice doggy.What's his name? And, by the way, what's yours?\" Page 32Stay Psychologically ''Fit to Kill\"Not only should you be physically ready, you must keep your mental doors open to let love walk in. . . wherever you are. PLPS don't just enter your life from parties and singles' clubs.Cindy is an attractive young manicurist who has been doing my nails for several years. (There mustbe some drug in nail polish remover that dissolves women's inhibitions and induces them to spillevery detail of their lives as they hold hands across the manicure table.) For months Cindy had beengriping to me that, in her line of work, all she meets is women.I had a late appointment with Cindy one evening about six o'clock. She was telling me how, after along day of clipping, filing, and painting, she's too tired to go out to singles' bars to try to meetsomeone. At about 6:45 P.M., the door opened behind Cindy's back. We heard a deep male voicesay, \"Excuse me, I know it's terribly late. But is it possible to get a manicure?\" I looked up overCindy's shoulder and beheld a Greek god. (I had no idea such deities needed manicures!) Before Icould pull my jaw back up, Cindy, not even turning around, said, \"Nope, we close in ten minutes.\"\"How do ya like that?\" she grumbled, keeping her gaze fixed on my hangnail as he walked out.\"Who does he think he is to march in here at this hour and expect a manicure?\"Then, Cindy's ears, finely tuned to such trappings as expensive sports cars, heard a Jaguar revvingup outside her window. She jumped up to look, and there was her Adonis careening out of theparking lot, and out of her life, forever in his sleek chariot. She didn't stop kicking herself longenough for me to respectfully suggest that one should keep one's eyes open all the time for suchopportunities.Top producers in the sales profession never stop prospecting—in the dentist's office, in the copyshop, at the pizzeria. One salesman friend of mine clinched a multi million-dollar corporate insurancedeal with another nude man he met in his health club Jacuzzi. You can, as the old song says, \"find amillion-dollar baby in a five-and-ten-cent store.\" Page 33

TECHNIQUE #2:STAY PSYCHOLOGICALLY \"FIT TO KILL\"Big-game hunters lay bear traps even before they spotthe bear. Fishermen cast nets long before the swarmswims their way. If you set your psychological trap theminute your feet hit the floor in the morning, chances arethe next big one won't get away.Now you are physically and mentally ready for love. The next question is, \"How can I make myQuarry's insides go all funny when he or she meets me?\"Let's start with two of the most potent weapons you need to trigger love at first sight. They're rightabove your nose. Many people swear, \"I fell in love the moment I looked into my lover's eyes.\" Page 357How to Ignite Love at First SightA man may be classified as a breast man, a buttocks man, or a leg man. And, although many womenwill insist otherwise, most women are certified butt watchers. (This is not just idle conjecture: aBritish study determined that these are people's favorite eyeball destinations.)13But researchers have ascertained that everybody is an eye person. When you were a teenager beingreluctantly or otherwise introduced to strangers, your parents probably told you, \"Look right intotheir eyes.\" And then they would tell you in no uncertain terms that any of the aforementionedanatomical locations were strictly off limits.Powerful eye contact immediately stimulates strong feelings of affection. This was proved once andfor all in a study called \"The Effects of Mutual Gaze on Feelings of Romantic Love.\"14 Researchersput forty-eight men and women who didn't know each other in a big room. They gave themdirections on how much eye contact to have with their partners during casual conversation.Afterward, the researchers asked each participant how he or she felt about the various people theyhad spoken with.The results? Page 36Subjects who were gazing at their partner's eyes and whose partner was gazing back reported

significantly higher feelings of affection than subjects in any other condition. . . . Subjects who engaged in mutual gaze increased significantly their feelings of passionate love . . . and liking for their partner. Journal of Research in Personality15Let's say that in less technical language: Locking eyeball to eyeball with the attractive stranger helpsput the match to the flame of love.Why does eye contact have such fiery consequences? Anthropologist Helen Fisher says it is basicanimal instinct. Direct eye contact triggers \"a primitive part of the human brain, calling forth one oftwo basic emotions—approach or retreat.\"16Unrelenting eye contact creates a highly emotional state similar to fear. When you look directly andpotently into someone's eyes, his or her body produces chemicals like phenylethylamine, or PEA ,that jolts the sensation of being in love. Thus, making strong, almost threateningly intense eyecontact with your Quarry is one of the first steps in making him or her fall in love with you.People look lingeringly at sights they like and quickly avert their eyes from those they don't. Weenjoy gazing for long, lazy hours into a cozy fire, yet our hands jerk up to shield our eyes from anatrocious movie scene. It's the same when looking at people. We gaze lovingly at our lovers, yetavert our eyes from unpleasant, ugly, or dull people. When someone bores us, the first part of ourbody to escape is our eyes.I'm acutely aware of this phenomenon during my speeches. Whenever I drone on too long about aparticular point, audience members bury their noses in their notes. Inspecting their manicures takeson prime importance. Some even nod off. When I get back on track, their eyes flutter up likebutterflies returning to the sunshine after a rainstorm. Page 37Another, almost opposite, factor that blocks good eye contact is shyness. The more someoneoverwhelms us, the more we avoid his or her eyes. Very low-ranking employees often avert theirgaze from the big boss. If we meet someone extraordinarily handsome, beautiful, or accomplished,we tend to do the same.In my seminars, I strive to make eye contact with everyone in the audience. However, if there is anespecially handsome man in the sea of faces, I often find myself avoiding his gaze. I look into theeyes of everybody but him. Then, realizing the folly of my ways, I force myself to look into the eyesof Very Attractive Male, and BLAM! My heart skips a beat. I sometimes lose my train of thought. Istutter.Powerful stuff, this eye contact.How Much Eye Contact Does It Take to Imitate Love?A British scientist determined that, on the average, when talking, people look at one another only 30to 6o percent of the time. This is not enough to rev up the engines of love at first sight.While he was still a graduate student at the University of Michigan, a prominent psychologist named

Zick Rubin became fascinated with how to measure love. Later, at Harvard and Brandeis, theromantic young researcher produced the first psychometrically based scale to determine how muchaffection couples felt for each other. It became known as Rubin's Scale and, to this day, manysocial psychologists use it to determine people's feelings for each other.In his study on the ''Measurement of Romantic Love,\" Zick Rubin found that people who weredeeply in love gaze at each other much more when talking and are slower to look away whensomebody intrudes in their world.17 He confirmed this through a trick experiment. He asked datingcouples a long series of questions so he could first rate the pairs on how much they loved eachother. The couples, unaware of their rating, Page 38were then put in a waiting room and told, \"The experimenter will be with you shortly to start theexperiment.\" Unbeknownst to them, that was the experiment. Hidden cameras recorded how muchtime the couples spent staring into each other's eyes. The higher the couple had scored on the firsttest, the more time they spent looking at each other. The less love they felt for each other, the lesstime they made eye contact.To give your Quarry the subliminal sense that the two of you are already in love (a self-fulfillingprophecy), dramatically increase your eye contact while the two of you are chatting. Push it up to 75percent of the time or more if you want to get the PEA gushing through his or her veins.The extra seconds of eye contact speak silent volumes. To a woman, the volumes will read,\"Beautiful lady, I am intrigued by you. I am fascinated by what you are saying.\" A man mightinterpret the increased eye contact as, \"I'm ravenous for you. I can't wait to tear your clothes off andhave you make mad passionate love to me.\"You must, however, look right into your Quarry's eyes if you want to excite those feelings of love atfirst sight. Not at his eyebrows, not at the bridge of her nose—look right into those baby blues,browns, grays, or greens. Pretend you're admiring the optic nerve behind the eyeballs.Wisdom for the ages gleaned from The King and I is \"Whistle a happy tune, and you will behappy.\" Likewise, give off signals of the two of you being in love, and your Quarry will feelsensations of love.TECHNIQUE #3:INTENSE GAZEWhen conversing with your Quarry, exaggerate your eyecontact. Search for his or her optic nerve. Lock eyeswith your Quarry to give the aura of already being inlove.

Page 39There's more to it than just looking deeply into someone's eyes, however. You must make your owneyes warm and inviting. Staring into the frigid eyes of a dead fish does nothing to incite love.How to Get Sexy \"Bedroom Eyes\"Bedroom eyes is not just a quality movie stars are blessed with. Neither Bette Davis nor ClarkGable had a patent on them. We all have that suggestive look buried deep in our evolutionarypsyche. Ethnologists have even named it the copulatory gaze. The copulatory gaze plays a big rolein lovemaking. For example, before having sex, pygmy chimpanzees—which are about as close tohuman as an ape can get—spend several moments staring deeply into each other's eyes.Sex without eye contact is difficult for some primates. Several Finnish researchers introduced maleand female baboons to each other. With blinder devices, they varied what part of the female'sanatomy the male baboon got a gander at first. When the male's initial glimpse of his lady love washer genitals, only five ejaculations occurred. However, when he first gazed into her eyes beforegetting a peek at her privates, twenty-one ejaculations occurred.18 (Men, increasing eye contactduring foreplay does not promise you twenty-one ejaculations, but it definitely encouragesaffectionate feelings from your female.) Anthropologist Helen Fisher goes so far as to say, \"Perhapsit is the eye—not the heart, the genitals, or the brain—that is the initial organ of romance.\"19What makes your eyes sexy and inviting? Quite simply, large pupils. Incidentally, examine oldphotographs of Bette Davis or Clark Gable, and you will see enormously expanded pupils.Undoubtedly a retouching job, but, hey!The father of a science which became known as pupillo-metrics, Dr. Eckhard Hess, demonstratedthat large pupils were more alluring by showing two pictures of a woman's face to a group of men.The pictures were identical except, in one of them, Hess had retouched the lady's pupils to makethem Page 40larger. The male response to Ms. Big Pupils was twice as strong as to the identical woman withsmall pupils. Hess then reversed the experiment and showed pictures of men with enlarged pupils towomen. Same positive female response to Mr. Big Pupils.Dr. Hess tells us that we can't consciously control our pupil size, but in the early 1960s he provedthat we can at least manipulate it. He hooked male subjects up to a Rube Goldberg device tomeasure their pupil fluctuations and proceeded to show them a series of photographs. When themen saw pictures of a landscape, a baby, or a family, their pupils fluctuated a little. However, Hesssneaked a picture of a naked woman into the pile. When the men got an eyeful of that one, zing wentthe strings of their pupils, thus proving that when we look at an enticing stimulus, our pupils expand.Here's how to enlarge your pupils to make your eyes look like inviting pools your Quarry willwillingly drown in. While the two of you are chatting, simply gaze at the most attractive feature on

your Quarry's face. Does she have a cute little nose? Does he have an adorable dimple? As youreyes enjoy the sight, your pupils gradually enlarge. Keep your eyes off that mole with the black hairgrowing out of it. That will make your pupils slap shut like snapdragons!TECHNIQUE #4:BEDROOM EYESWhile chatting with your Quarry, gaze at the mostattractive part of his or her face. Your pupils willautomatically expand, giving you those bedroom eyes.Also, think loving thoughts. Concentrate on how beautifulyour Quarry is, how comfortable you feel with her, howmuch fun it would be to take a shower with him. Page 41Also, you must force shyness, mistrust, nervousness, or any other negative pupil-closing ideas out ofyour mind. Think warm, fuzzy thoughts about your Quarry to further soften your gaze.How to Awaken Primal, Unsettling, Sexy Feelings in Your QuarryLet us now talk about a third technique with your initial organ of romance. This one gives yourQuarry that primal, unsettling feeling that floods over people when they start to fall in love.When conversing, people tend to look briefly away at the end of a sentence or during silences,except when they are engrossed in the listener (or hopelessly in love). The phrase, he couldn't takehis eyes off her is not just allegoric. People who love each other not only indulge in much more eyecontact while talking, but they are more hesitant to take their eyes off each other, even after theyfinish speaking. It is electrifying when someone's glance lingers on you during the silence, after you'vestopped talking.Several years ago, I hired a carpenter to put an additional window in my office. Jerry wasn't terriblygood-looking, and he certainly was no mental colossus, but for some inexplicable reason, I foundhim very attractive. There was an indefinable, mysterious quality about Jerry. It was unsettling,primal, sexy.I didn't permit myself to indulge in my little infatuation, however. Perhaps I thought seducing thecarpenter was neither politically correct nor otherwise desirable under the circumstances. Orperhaps Jerry's other qualities weren't emblazoned on my Lovemap. However, thoughts of Jerryfilled my fantasies for weeks.I didn't see him for several years. Then, just recently, while working on this book, I needed shelvesto hold my research materials. Naturally, I called Jerry. He arrived on my doorstep, ten pounds

heavier, three years older, but just as sexy. This time, thanks to my recent research, five minutes intoour conversation, I realized why he turned me on. Page 42Every time I said something, Jerry's eyes lingered on mine. After I had finished speaking, even duringthe silences, his eyes stayed glued to mine. That quality, I realized, is what I had found so unsettling,so primal, so sexy.As our discussion about my shelves progressed, I also realized why Jerry was holding the eyecontact longer. He wasn't trying to be sexy. He wasn't fascinated by me. It wasn't because hecouldn't take his eyes off me. It was simply because Jerry wasn't too bright, and it took an extrabeat for my \"I'd like the shelves eleven inches wide\" to sink into his brain.We now turn this into a technique to awaken those primal, unsettling, sexy feelings and give yournew PLP a jolt.TECHNIQUE #5:STICKY EYESWhenever you are talking with your Quarry, let youreyes stay glued to his or hers a little longer—even duringthe silences.A gaze that stays overtime awakens primal, slightlydisturbing feelings. It induces the same \"fight or flight\"chemicals that race through our veins when we feelinfatuation.When you must look away, do so reluctantly. Drag youreyes away slowly, as though they had been stuck withwarm taffy.Naughty Eyes Are So NiceNow we come to the last way our eyes can get the chemicals flowing through our Quarry's veins.There are carefully choreographed steps that a man and a woman must take upon meeting eachother if love is going to develop.One of those can't-do-without steps involves our eyes. A curious phenomenon happens to the eyeswhen a man and a Page 43

woman begin to feel comfortable with each other and the rumblings of love start to resonate throughtheir bodies. As lovers are lulled by the good feelings, their eyes become more courageous. Theyslowly start to wander lovingly over each other's faces, hair, eyes. Then they become bolder andventure down to their partner's shoulders, neck, and torso. A dreaminess sets in.To push your relationship with a new Quarry into this next step of intimacy, use the technique I call avisual voyage. As the conversation progresses, let your eyes slide slowly down from the nose tothe lips. Caress the lips with your eyes for a moment or two, then slowly venture south to the neckand, if all is going well, beyond.TECHNIQUE #6:A VISUAL VOYAGEAs you and your Quarry are chatting, let your eyes dosome traveling—but only on safe territory at first. Take avisual voyage all over his or her face, concentratingmostly on the eyes. If he or she seems to be enjoyingyour expedition, take small side trips to the neck,shoulders, and torso.Women, you have a more liberal passport to travel in thisterritory. Men, be more wary. You're cruising intodangerous seas and can sink the ship if your eyes traveltoo far south and vacation there too long.These four eye techniques—intense gaze, bedroom eyes, sticky eyes, and visual voyage—arescientifically proved aphrodisiacs. When you start using them on your Quarry, you will feel theeffect. However, you don't need science to tell you that you cannot make someone fall in love withyou unless the two of you are introduced to each other. Unless, of course, you engineer anacquaintance without the benefit of introduction. In the vernacular, that's ''pick them up.\" Proponentsof politi- Page 44cal correctness would recoil at the term. But I, for one, have nothing against the concept—if the\"pickup\" is done in a manner, shall we say, befitting the situation and the individuals involved.Let us now cover some basics. We'll explore how you can engineer the acquaintance of a PotentialLove Partner without the benefit of third-party introduction. Page 45

8Your First ApproachThe Gentle Art of Pickup (Not for Men Only)Biologists, as they watch animals spotting each other, sniffing, growling, hissing, nuzzling, and finallycopulating, observe the same courtship rituals over and over. The identical patterns of proceptivityand aggression repeat themselves time and time again. If the pattern is broken, often copulation doesnot take place.It is no different with Homo sapiens (that's us), but we operate with a serious handicap. Unlike thoseof lower animals, our brains get in the way of our instincts. In other words, we think too much. Weask ourselves, and others around us, too many questions. \"Will he think I'm forward? Should I playhard to get? Do I look alright? Is my tie straight? Maybe I should go to the ladies' room and put onsome more lipstick first.\" Shyness often takes over and paralyzes us, like a deer frozen in carheadlights.Rabbits have no such reflections. Nor should we, when we spot our Quarry. We must merely followwhat research tells us are the right moves when we spot him or her. Page 46Hunters, Make the First Move . . . FastGentlemen, what are the right moves when you spot a woman you think you'd like to make part ofyour future? No argument here. You must approach, and you must do it fast. The old chestnut \"Hewho hesitates is lost\" is a rock-hard nut in the singles' jungle.Once a male buddy (a PMF, or platonic male friend, as we called nonromantic male friends in highschool) and I were dining at a restaurant. My PMF, Phil, spotted a strikingly beautiful woman sittingalone at the bar behind him. He turned back to me and announced, \"That's the woman I'm going tomarry!\"\"Congratulations. So how do you intend to go about meeting her?\" I challenged.\"Let's see,\" he mused. \"Perhaps I'll just go up to her and say hello. No,\" he decided. \"That's toomundane for my future bride. Maybe I'll go offer to buy her a drink. No, that's too trite. Possibly,''he joked, \"I'll go tell her I'm passionately in love with her. No, that's too forward. Shall I tell her Iwant to make her the mother of my children? No, that's premature.\"While Phil was bantering on about his approach, I watched over his shoulder as a good-looking manmarched right up to Phil's intended and sat on the empty stool next to her. By the time my friendturned around, the newcomer and Phil's never-to-be bride were in deep conversation. \"Love at firstsight\" became Phil's \"loss at first sight.\" As it usually does for a Hunter who hesitates.

When you spot an attractive lady, what's the best strategy? Let your body do the talking. First, useyour eyes. Look at her and hold your eye contact for a few extra seconds. Be prepared for her tolook away. A woman has been trained to lower her eyes when a man looks at her. This does notmean she is not interested. An analysis of flirtation patterns tells us if, after looking away, thewoman looks up again within 45 seconds, she welcomes your attention.Gentlemen, set your chronograph. As she coyly feigns interest in something else in the room, clockhow long it takes for Page 47her to glance back at you. If it's within 45 seconds, proceed as follows.Smile at her and give her a little nod. Think of it as making a reservation for a table at an exclusiverestaurant. When you've signaled a woman's attention, you've made your reservation to talk withher. Abolish all thoughts of \"What will she think of me if I'm too forward or move too fast?\" Shewon't think anything of you—good or bad—if you don't meet her. If you don't move fast, everywoman will be the one that got away.TECHNIQUE #7 (FOR HUNTERS):MOVE FAST\"Move fast\" doesn't mean making a beeline for yourQuarry and jumping her bones. It simply meansimmediately making your presence known by signalingyour interest. Here's the best proved method.Make eye contact. Maintain steady eye contact withher and hold it just a tad too long.Smile at her. Make sure your smile is friendly andrespectful, not a leering grin or a salacious smirk.Give her a nod. If she returns your gaze within thedecisive 45 seconds, nod slightly. The nod reads, \"I likeyou. May I make a reservation to talk with you?\"Move within her range. The final step is to move closeenough to her to talk.You are now in position for conversation. What should you first say to her? Abolish the wordsopening line from your thoughts. Generic lines come across just like that—lines. After my loveseminars, many a shy Hunter has asked me, \"What's a good opening line?\" I find it charming thatmen ponder such dilemmas.

Page 48Once an extremely shy chap attending my seminar pulled a dog-eared book out of his pocket calledHow to Pick up Girls. Apparently he wasn't the first to seek such guidance. The book istwenty-five years old and has sold over two million copies, primarily through advertising in men'smagazines. It suggests antique gems like, \"Don't tell me a beautiful girl like you doesn't have a datetonight\" and \"Are you a model?\" This scintillating repartee may have worked when Dad met Mom,but in our more enlightened times, women abhor lines. Far more significant than what you say is howyou look and how you say whatever you say.Gentlemen, your opening words should relate to the woman or the current situation. Ask her whattime it is. Compliment her watch or her outfit. Ask her for directions. Inquire how she knows thehost or hostess of the party. In fact, the less clever your opener, the better, because this early in yourrelationship, she's not metabolizing your words—she's checking you out. Her brain is hard at worksizing you up on your manner and your words. Whatever you say, she knows it's just an excuse foryou to talk to her. If she likes you, that's fine with her.Although you should not memorize any line, do pay attention to the first words which flow from yourlips. Just as the first glimpse of you should please your Quarry's eyes, so should your first wordsdelight her ears. Remember, that first sentence to your Quarry is 100 percent of her sampling of youso far. If you open with a complaint, in her book you'll be a complainer. If you open with aconceited remark, she'll label you a braggart. But if your first words charm her, she'll find youcharming.Gentlemen, you may be wondering why you have to play it cool. Why do you have to be so subtle,controlled, and precise in your approach? It all goes back to nature. Buried deep in a woman'sinstincts, when she looks at you, is a subconscious judgment of you as a possible partner. She wantsto feel you are captivated by her. But she also wants to know that you can Page 49control your animal passion, thus demonstrating what a suave and effective partner you would be inlife.Huntresses, Make the Fast Move . . . FirstHuntresses, you may think the responsibility for the pickup rests on the man's shoulders. Surprisinglyenough, though, research shows that women initiate two-thirds of all encounters.This, too, is part of nature's grand design. In the animal kingdom, wannabe-lovers attract each otherby hooting, crowing, or stomping the ground. They are more overt than Homo sapiens are. A femalechimpanzee in heat will spot her Quarry, \"stroll up to the male, and tip her buttocks toward his noseto get his attention. Then she'll actually pull him up to his feet to copulate.\"20 This behavior is knownas female proceptivity. Female proceptivity (as opposed to receptivity) is not unknown to ourspecies, although we are, I should hope, a little less obvious.

How do women initiate encounters? The same way kids do. The same way the birds, the bees, andall the wonderful animals in God's kingdom do: with an attention-getting device.Ladies, let's say you behold Mr. Handsome Stranger dancing at the disco, seated across the tablefrom you at the Senior Center, or huffing and puffing on the next StairMaster at the gym. Whatshould you do? The usual scenario goes something like this. Upon spotting him, a woman locks eyeswith him for a split second and then glances away. More courageous women flash a little smile andthen look away, hoping that he will then take the initiative (after all, she doesn't want to appearforward).As fifty thousand tiny seeds blow from a flower and only one takes root, your chances at love mightas well be one in fifty thousand with Mr. Handsome Stranger if this is your entire attack. You mustdo more than just flash a little smile and leave the rest to nature. Page 50First Moves That Work for WomenLet's look at the studies and see what works. A researcher named Monica Moore heard thatwomen made two-thirds of the approaches and wanted to find out exactly how they did so. She setup a study where she observed more than two hundred women at a party and recorded what arescientifically known as their nonverbal solicitation signals.Here, in descending order, are the results of Monica Moore's findings. The number following eachmove is the number of times Moore saw it work successfully during the experiment.21 Need I spellit out? Huntresses, these are the moves that make a man come over and talk to you at a party.HOW WOMEN SUCCESSFULLY MAKE THE FIRST MOVESmile at him broadly 511Throw him a short, darting glance 253Dance alone to the music 253Look straight at him and flip your hair 139Keep a fixed gaze on him 117Look at him, toss your head, then look back 102\"Accidentally\" brush up against him 96Nod your head at him 66Point to a chair and invite him to sit 62Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck 58Lick your lips during eye contact 48Primp while keeping eye contact with him 46Parade close to him with exaggerated hip movement 41

Parade close to him with exaggerated hip movement 41Ask for his help with something 34Tap something to get his attention 8Pat his buttocks (My note: not advised!) 8Sisters, do not be hesitant about making the first move. If you need more courage, think of it thisway. Female choice is an evolutionary mandate given to a woman so she may select the best mateand thus assure the survival of the species. You Page 51are merely fulfilling your instinctive destiny when you overtly lure Mr. Handsome Stranger. MotherNature would approve.Still shy? Do you feel he'll think you are too forward if you smile broadly at him in the crowd or\"accidentally\" brush up against him? He won't, because, happily, the male ego takes over . . .retroactively. Ten minutes later, he won't even realize that he was not the one who made the initialoverture. Researcher Moore said that men think they are making the first move when they areactually responding to women's nonverbal overtures.I decided to add my own research to Monica Moore's established findings when I was dining alonerecently at one of the ubiquitous TGIF restaurants in Albany, New York. I was giving a talk thefollowing morning to a singles' group, so as I was finishing dinner, I was running the next day'sseminar program over in my mind. In my talk, I planned a segment on the \"smile,\" in which I wouldtell women how important it is to smile at an attractive man.I thought to myself, \"Leil, you hypocrite. Tomorrow morning you'll be telling women to have thecourage to smile at strangers, and you don't even have the nerve to do it yourself.\" While ruminatingover this, I spotted a good-looking man reading while finishing his dinner a few tables from me. Ithought, \"OK, Leil, courage. Let's try it.\" So I smiled at this handsome stranger.The poor chap looked a little stunned and dove his astonished nose back into his book. Soon after,he looked up again. I smiled again. Once more his nose disappeared in his reading material. A fewminutes later, the handsome stranger got up and walked past my table to go to the men's room. Ashe passed, I forced myself to smile yet again. The perplexed fellow kept on walking, scratching hishead.Then things got interesting. On the way back from the men's room, he walked very slowly by mytable. Once more I looked up at him and—you guessed it—smiled. Mr. Handsome Strangerstopped walking. After the flood of smiles I'd drowned him in, it was perfectly logical to startchatting as if we had been formally introduced. He joined me at my table for coffee. Page 52Well, I invited this gentleman—his name was Sam—to attend my seminar the next morning, which

he did. To illustrate the \"smile\" part of my seminar, I told the audience the story (without revealingSam's identity, of course) of how my smile had engineered a meeting with the lone diner.After the seminar, Sam said, \"You know, Leil, I suppose you were talking about me in that littlestory you told. But,\" he added, looking thoroughly confused and quite sincere, \"I thought it was Iwho made the approach to you.\" Sure, Sam.I tell you, Sisters, the male ego is a wondrous thing. Have the courage to smile broadly, nod, pointto a chair, and invite him to sit—or choose almost any of Monica Moore's maneuvers—and he willforget that he didn't make the first approach.TECHNIQUE #8 (FOR HUNTRESSES):MOVE FIRSTHuntresses, when you spot a possible Quarry, do notwait for his approach. Nature decrees that you mustmake the first move. Use any of the proved ploys. It's asclose to jabbing his buttocks with a syringe filled withPEA as you can get. Page 539Your First Body LangaugeLet Your Body Do the TalkingScience documents that the early body language of both partners is crucial to whether love willdevelop or not. One of the most tireless researchers in the laboratory of love was Dr. TimothyPerper, who spent more than two thousand grueling hours perched on stools of singles' bars,scrutinizing men, women, and their early courting moves.Like researchers tracking the mating habits of hamsters, Dr. Perper spotted the identical courtshippattern repeatedly in his singles' bar laboratory. Night after night, he stayed resolutely at his post,scribbling notations, devising charts, and hypothesizing formulas as men and women picked eachother up. Then, in the finest scientific tradition, he broke the body language pattern of couples gettingto know each other into five very specific steps.Dr. Perper's findings reveal that when both partners stuck to a precise sequence of moves, thecouple wound up leaving together or making a date. However, if either partner broke thesequence—even accidentally—the couple drifted apart.

Many people looking for love take lessons in social dancing hoping to meet a Potential LovePartner. They painstak- Page 54ingly learn the steps to the fox trot, the waltz, the cha-cha, and the rhumba. But they fall flat on theirfaces in the most important dance of all, the one the good doctor dubbed the Dance of Intimacy.What are the steps to the Dance of Intimacy? They are as clear and as carefully choreographed asthose of the Tennessee Waltz. They are the sequential movements you must make if intimacy is todevelop with your PLP. Pay attention to each of the following five subconscious body language stepsbecause, if you slip on any of them, your Quarry will lose interest and wander back into the singles'jungle.The Dance of IntimacyStep One: Nonverbal Signal After the two partners are within speaking range, one or the othermakes his or her presence known (as described in the previous chapter) by a smile, a nod, or aglance.Step Two: Talk One of the two then speaks. Perhaps he or she makes a comment or asks aquestion. Even a simple ''Hi!\" will do, but something verbal takes place.Step Three: Turning Now it gets interesting. When one partner throws out the verbal signal, therecipient must turn at least the head fully toward the speaker and acknowledge the commentreceptively. If he or she does not, the Hunter seldom tries again.However, if the partner does turn warmly toward the speaker, they fall into conversation. Then acrucial pivoting takes place. Hunter and Quarry gradually switch from just their heads turned towardeach other to their shoulders. If they like each other, their torsos soon turn, followed by their knees.Finally, in successful meetings, their whole bodies wind up facing each other.This head-to-head, belly-to-belly, knees-to-knees gradual sequence can take from minutes to hours.With each increas- Page 55ing turn, intimacy increases. With each turn away, intimacy decreases.Step Four: Touching Concomitant with talking and gradually turning toward each other comes apowerful aphrodisiac, touch. A slight brush of his hand while he passes you a pretzel. A light touchon your jacket as she whisks away a piece of lint. The touch is fleeting, almost imperceptible.How you respond to his or her first touch is a big factor in whether the interaction continues or not.If he or she brushes your jacket and you slightly stiffen your shoulders, your partner can subliminallyinterpret this as rejection—often wrongly. But it's too late.At this point in the progression, Dr. Perper tells us, it becomes impossible to tell which is Hunter and

which is Quarry. Once the initial touch has been executed, well received, and even returned, the manand woman are on their way to becoming, at least for the duration of the evening, a couple.At about this point, yet another phenomenon takes place. Eye contact takes on a different character.As early as 1977, a researcher observed escalating eye contact in couples as they went from moreformal eye contact to gazing. Their eyes gradually embarked on travels all over each other's faces,hair, necks, shoulders, and torsos.22 This is the visual voyage we talked about earlier.Step Five: Synchronization The final step is the most fascinating to watch. As though to confirmtheir newfound affection for each other, the couple begins to move in synchronicity with each other.For example, the man and woman may reach for their drinks at the same time and put their glassesback on the table together. Then they progress to subconsciously shifting weight together, swayingto the music together, turning their heads to some outside interruption together, and thensimultaneously looking back at each other. Page 56Dr. Perper wrote, ''Once synchronized, couples can stay in synchronicity seemingly indefinitely untilthe bar closes, until they finish dinner and drinks and must leave, until their train reaches wherever itis going; to put it another way, until the business of the outside world intervenes and causes theirinteraction to stop.\"23 However, if either partner tripped up on even just one of the above five steps(for example, not getting in synchronicity with each other), Timothy Perper and his researchassociates knew they could start humming the couple's swan song.Recently, I had the pleasure of watching a couple who were obviously very much in love. I wasdining in a restaurant at a table facing the bar where a young couple was sitting. Their bodies werecompletely facing each other, and they were leaning toward each other, practically falling off theirstools. They smiled and nodded as each crooned out bits of conversation. Their hands occasionallybrushed each other's and their movements were in total synchronicity as they lifted their glasses andreturned them to the bar. They laughed together. They frowned together. Except for the momentswhen an outside noise invaded their private world, they maintained total eye contact. Even then, theyturned their heads away and looked back toward each other in unison. People would say they're inlove.As I was paying my bill, the waitress noticed my watching the couple. Smiling broadly, she said,\"Yeah, I've been watching them, too. Aren't they cute?\"\"Yes,\" I agreed. \"They look like they're very much in love.\"\"Oh, no,\" she said. \"They just met ten minutes ago!\"I thought, both of them must have read Perper's Principles. Or they were, as Annie Oakley in AnnieGet Your Gun says, \"jes' doin' a what comes natch-ur-lee!\"When You Are QuarryThe Dance of Intimacy takes two partners. Even when you are Quarry, you must remember the

steps. Sadly, many potential Page 57relationships never get off the ground because, accidentally, the Quarry repels the Hunter with his orher body language.Unlike deer or bear hunters, human Hunters and Huntresses suffer from a malady. It's calledinsecurity or shyness. When a Hunter or Huntress levels sights at you, you must show you are willingQuarry and be a good follower in the Dance of Intimacy.I was once at a party with a girlfriend, Diana. An attractive man smiled at Diana, and she lookedaway. She confided to me, \"That good-looking guy over there smiled at me.\"\"Great,\" I said. \"Smile back.\"Soon after, the fellow was standing near us. I don't know whether it was shyness or a desire to playit cool, but instead of turning toward him and smiling, Diana just kept on chatting with me. A fewminutes later, we saw the good-looking stranger in a warm tête-à-tête with another woman. Dianawas crushed. She said to me, \"Oh, I guess he saw me close up and decided not to talk to me.\"\"No, Diana,\" I said, wanting to shake her. \"You just didn't respond to his overtures.\" She missedstep one in the basic dance of lovers—turning toward him to show receptivity.Missed opportunities like this one are happening round the clock, round the globe. Often willingQuarry crying to be captured becomes the one that got away.The Word That Can Save Your RelationshipAs you are chatting with your new Quarry, it begins to dawn on you: \"This person really is special.It's not just physical attraction. This individual has relationship potential.\" Within thirty seconds, yourheart starts pumping a little faster and your throat suddenly goes dry. Could this be the start ofsomething big?Instead of mission control directing all the parts of your body to make all the right moves, your brainsuddenly begins Page 58wondering about the impression you're making on your Quarry. Your breath becomes short. Yousense a delirious drowning feeling. Unfortunately, that's a side effect of PEA shooting through yourbrain.Watch out! You can't be your engaging and scintillating self if nervousness sets in and you startthinking about your every move. There's no time now to concentrate on Perper's Principles and tryto recall if touch comes before synchronicity. Or was it turning before touch? At high-anxietymoments like these, you need a simple technique to make your body do precisely what Dr. Perperprescribes so you can pay attention to what your fabulous new Quarry is saying.

Hunters, the following is especially important for you because men often forget that times havechanged. In the old days, a woman had to be impressed with your muscles or your speed and knowyou could go out into the jungle and trap a wild pig or a rabbit for dinner. However, many womentoday can afford their own Pork Pàté or Rabbit Chasseur at a fancy restaurant. The name of thegame is no longer impress a woman. It's show how impressedyou are with her.Huntresses, most of us were weaned on boosting the male ego. Perhaps some chemical in mother'smilk told us to kowtow to all the men in our life. By age five we had already learned what worked:\"Oh, Daddykins, you're so wunnerful. I know you'll buy me that Barbie doll.\" Then somethinghappened: We grew up. Some of us became feminists. Like throwing out the baby with the bathwater, many women threw out the \"Oh, you're so wunnerful\" attitude along with their tattered Barbiedolls.The modern woman feels she needs to express her capability, her independence, hersuperintelligence right away. Wrong! There is plenty of time to show a man these qualities later, andyou must show them if you want to have a good relationship with mutual respect. But now is notthe time! Now is the time to make the man feel that you think he's just absolutely, positively\"wunnerful.\" Page 59Both men and women are infinitely more drawn to someone who instantly likes them. In severalstudies, men and women who didn't know each other were told, falsely, by researchers that anotherparticipant liked them. When later questioned whom they liked in the group, practically everyparticipant chose someone of the opposite sex who supposedly \"liked them.\" Unfortunately, youdon't have a researcher whispering in your Quarry's ear how much you like them, so you mustdemonstrate that all on your own. Since saying \"I like you\" sounds a tad abrupt in words, leave it toyour body to do the talking for you.While chatting with him or her, think of this one word: soften. Match your body language up againstthe acronym which spells soften. It's an insurance policy against tripping in the Dance of Intimacy.

TECHNIQUE #9:SOFTEN YOUR QUARRY'S HEARTS is for smile. As you are listening to your Quarry, let asoft smile of acceptance frame your lips.O is for open body. Face your Quarry fully, nose tonose, belly to belly. Keep your arms open in a relaxed,inviting position.F is for forward lean. Lean toward your Quarry or standor sit just a tad too close to show you are physicallyattracted.T is for touch. Gently, even \"accidentally,\" touch yourQuarry's arm or brush a piece of lint from his or herclothing.E is for eye contact. Remember to use all four of the eyeallure techniques we discussed.N is for nod. Nod your head gently in response towhatever your Quarry is saying. Page 60\"But This Is So Basic!\"After reading this segment, some of you may say, \"But this advice is so obvious! Why, in asophisticated exploration of the complexities of love, do you suggest such mundane movements andhave the temerity to call them techniques?\"For two reasons, my friends. One, because some of my most cosmopolitan and urbane friends stillstumble over these simplistic steps. Two, because of their supreme importance. Research hasproved that these are the specific moves that really work when first meeting someone you want tomake fall in love with you.Now let us explore two other areas where even very smart women and men mess up: the firstconversation and the first date. Page 61

10Your First ConversationConversation Is Making Beautiful Music TogetherConversation is like music. Your first conversation can be a beautiful concert where all the notes fallinto place, bringing joy and harmony to your Quarry's heart. Or you can inadvertently utterdiscordant notes that make your Quarry tune out thoughts of love.So far we've talked about the dance (the body movements and choreography) to get your Quarryinterested. Now, let's explore the music (the words and lyrics) of your love overture—your firstconversation.Think of your first conversation as an audition piece to see what role, if any, you will play in yourQuarry's life. You can get away with boring interludes later in a relationship, but not now. Your firstdiscussion has to be a smooth flow of electricity if it's going to ignite a relationship.What is exhilarating conversation? To one Quarry, it's talking about sports, theatre, ballet. Foranother, it's discussing philosophy, psychology, or nuclear fission. Many people find chatting abouttheir home, their car, or their family, dog, or parakeet to be the most engrossing dialogue by far.You need Page 62techniques to discover your Quarry's hot buttons to make sure your first conversation is memorablefor him or her.Conversation Is Like Making LoveWhen you are making love to a new partner for the first time, you can gently ask, \"Am I doing it theway you like? Is there anything else you want?\" But you can't ask a new PLP, \"Is the conversationgood for you, too, honey?\"When you are in bed together the first few times, you don't yet know where she likes to becaressed, where he loves to be touched. How rough does he or she like it? How gentle? You pickup hints. You watch her body, his facial expressions. You listen to her little moans, his involuntarygasps. You may sense that she goes crazy whenever you kiss her nipples. (So of course you kissthem some more.) Maybe he pulled away when you nibbled his thighs. (So you don't take any morebites on that tender tissue.)Be just as sensitive in early chats with a new Quarry. Your first conversational interchange is everybit as important as your first sexual intercourse together—maybe even more significant, because thelatter may never happen if the former isn't good.

Conversation Is Like SellingWhile you're chatting, watch your Quarry's reactions to what you are saying. Keep an eye out forinvoluntary facial expressions, head movements, body rotation, hand gestures, and even eyefluctuations. Like a top professional salesperson, learn how to interpret all these signals and planyour pitch accordingly. With the rare exception of those who have studied the highly complex art ofdeception, a person cannot not communicate how he or she feels. Your Quarry may not say inwords how he or she is responding to what you are saying, but signals are clearly telling younonetheless. Page 63In my sales seminars, I teach a technique I call eyeball selling. Knowing what turns a customer on,what turns him off, and what leaves him neutral from moment to moment can make or break a sale.Likewise, knowing what turns your Quarry on, what turns him off, and what leaves her neutral frommoment to moment can make or break your relationship.Say you have just been introduced to an exciting new stranger at a party. The two of you fall intoconversation.Watch Your Quarry's Face Throughout the conversation, his or her expression will change.Sometimes your Quarry's face will suddenly take on a lively intensity. This might occur while you arediscussing something which, to you, is mundane or boring.At other times, even when you are talking about something you consider a hot topic, his or her facefalls flat. Watch for these telltale signs and tailor your conversation accordingly. When your Quarry'sface comes alive, ask for more information on that topic. Keep it going. You are on a roll.When your Quarry's face goes bland, that's your cue to gently change the subject. Move on toanother topic that will bring the light back into his or her eyes. Insensitive Hunters just go on and onwith a topic that's a clunker, and their prey soon wriggles out of the boring trap.Watch Your Quarry's Head Position When Quarries get bored with you, they turn their headsaway. A noise from the kitchen, someone new walking into the room, hearing his or her name acrossthe room—any interruption will cause them to look away from you.However, if your Quarry finds you or your conversation captivating, he or she won't glance away.An entire tray of glasses could go crashing to the floor by your feet, but your Quarry's gaze wouldstay fixed on you. Be sensitive to the head twistings. When your Quarry starts rotating his or herhead away from you, that's another cue to spin a new conversational topic. Page 64Explore Your Quarry's Body Position When you are stuck in boring dialogue with someone,long before you vocalize your excuse to get away, your body begins making preparations. You takea step back, and your torso turns away.

If you are chatting with a PLP who is stepping back or turning away, watch out. It could mean yourbudding relationship has already shriveled up in his or her mind. However, take precise aim and giveit one more good shot. Do not keep babbling on. Arrest your monologue. Use your Quarry's name.Then ask a personal question which throws the focus back on him or her. This will recapture yourQuarry's attention and, if the relationship is not already crushed beyond resuscitation, it will nourishthe seeds.Conversely, suppose your Quarry is giving you a full-faced, open, receptive body position. Topsales pros know this is the time to move in for the close. Do the same. Make your move. This is thetime to make a date, get a phone number, or suggest that you two go somewhere else and continuethe discussion over coffee or a drink.Watch Your Quarry's Hands Sometimes your Quarry's lips can lie, but hands reveal all.Occasionally glance at them while you are chatting to pick up some of the hidden thoughts he or sheis harboring.Does he reach for a paper clip on a desk or a match on the mantlepiece while you're talking? Doesshe run a finger around the edge of a cup? These motions express thoughtfulness or contemplation.Your Quarry is thinking about what you just said. Take it as your cue to stop talking and let a breathof silence give cadence to your conversation. If you are uncomfortable with complete silence, atleast slow down and maintain a pace that's leisurely enough to let your Quarry have his or her ownthoughts.Palms up is an excellent sign. Hunters, when she has her palms facing you, it means she likes you.She is feeling vulnerable and probably welcomes more closeness. Palms up is the Page 65classic ''I submit\" position. If appropriate, now is the time to gamble a first touch, perhaps on heropen palm or on her arm.Huntresses, pay special attention to pointed fingers. Does your Quarry shake a finger in the air whilemaking a point? Think of a pointed finger as a mini erection which shows excitement over aparticular detail. If he shakes a finger in the air while making a particular point, it means he feelsstrongly about it. Take it as your cue to express your wholehearted agreement with him.Keep an Eye on Your Quarry's Eyes If you see your Quarry's eyes wandering, it's not necessarilya rejection of you. It could just be that you're on a boring topic. Try changing the subject.When you become a real expert on eye watching, you can gauge how well you're doing by the sizeof your Quarry's pupils. If the pupils start shrinking, an involuntary horn is blasting, \"This is bor-ing!\"If, however, his or her pupils start growing, an internal alarm is shouting, \"I'm interested. Tell memore.\"