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BY THE BOO BOOS
Brunette,codemars&CO.LTD|established 2.5 billion years ago|jaun 45th
PLANETARY NEWS!!
REGIONAL NEWS-
The first Martian to be discovered by the humans has left for the holy Martian abroad as a result of excessive methane exposure.
Meteorite activity has been called in the DARK VALLEY. Martians on the outer region will be evacuated.
Planetary news! The MC (Martian cluster) has bagged 62 seats in yesterday’s elections.
REGIONAL NEWS-
PLANETARY NEWS! JWine XVII of Jupiter will be visiting mars later this lightyear to strengthen inter planetary policies
The people of MALAN are the first ever Martians to open an “HOGGING JOINT” inspired by an earthling ‘Restaurant’ They are planning to add many humany dishes and an exquisite ambience to give it a real ‘restaurant’ feel which takes you to Earth.
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THE
4
R’S
LETS’S NOT TURN OURSELVES INTO HUMANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our precious planet is finally shedding it’s old skin all thanks to the technologies we borrowed from the humans. But sadly, we have adopted quite a few nasty habits from the humans too !! We must learn to differentiate between the good habits and the bad habits of the humans. Their planet may look pretty from afar , but the pollution on the planet can lead to bleeding antennas !! We must take steps to ensure our fate is different from theirs. This is where we can incorporate the good habits of some humans , the good habit being talked out here is nothing but the 4 R's ! REUSE – Instead of throwing out the plastic products like “spoonz", “forkz"( which we borrowed from the humans !!!l we could use them again !! ( after cleaning , of course)
RECYCLE– Martian goods made out of azfonodobooboochloric hemi-hydrate and even human-like goods such as pods which are made of plastic can be broken down and be converted into other goods of use !! The waste generation will decrease drastically.
REDUCE – We NEED to reduce our dependency on harmful products like plastic !!! We could replace plastic bags with bionic regenerating papoyroi ! We should reduce the usage of plastic antenna-protective gears. Our planet would be much safer without them.
REFUSE– WE MUST REFUSE THE PRODUCTS THAT CAN HARM OUR PRECIOUS PLANET!! Refusing them in the first place will prevent us from taking drastic measures to get rid of them!!
Drive less and walk more ! Let’s not be as lazy as humans! Let’s reduce waste production instead of forming dumpyards like the humans! But at the same time let’s harness solar energy like the humans!! - Mr. Ghombosamogoba Porpol
(Minister of Mars on Earth)
THANK U, NEXT ( PLASTIC !) {Reference from the music of a human singer called “Ariana Grande" her surname suggests that she is known for her grandeur!}
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SPORTS
MARTIAN QUIBALL SEASON HAS FINALLY BEGUN!! For all you Martian quiball fans out there, after a hard year of tournaments being cancelled or postponed, it has finally started !! Due to the ongoing pandemic on our planet, all practices have to be outside with no more than 10 people. Every drill or every game has to be noncontact, and every player has to wear a face mask. The guidelines are very strict about this. If someone does not follow the guidelines, there will be consequences- including the possibility of being thrown into a tub full of human vomit brought especially from planet earth.
4 Juan 45th
THE RUSTY CRIMES…. THE INSTANCE WHERE LAUGHING PROVED TO BE EXECRABLE
PRESIDENT BOORIGOTTONIO SLIPS IN THE SHOWER AND DIES AT AGE 443.
on Wednesday morning, a couple was rewarded 300 Marollers for having caught the serial thief who's better known as " the organ man". the husband had just finished cracking a cringeworthy joke when the couple heard a laugh upstairs. when they tiptoed their way up, they found a Martian in midst of a theft attempt.
last Friday night, screams and woes filled the halls of the Red House as Mr. Boorigottoni was found dead in the shower. he had sustained a severe head injury. one of the forensics on being asked said, "the scene looked like one of those Earthian "clubs", there were multicolored lights and music blasting through the speakers. I almost mistook it for a party!". according to his wife Ms. penneboo, his last words were "hey! I'm going to hit the shower and get my boogie on. could you please get my face mask for me?". well, I guess we can say he did hit the shower. ciao president, you will surely be remembered!
MARSILIAN ZWEICHY BILBURNETH WAS ALLEGEDLY LOCKED INSIDE HIS BOWBOW’S CAGE FOR 17 YEARS BY HIS SIBLINGS siblings represent the purest form of love. they're considered to be God's blessings but for zweichy, it turned out to be a curse! he was found by the investigation team in a cage, rotting and weeping. when asked who did this, he couldn't speak due to his loss of speech but pointed at his siblings. they were questioned for 7 hours until one of them confessed to the crime. "he was too annoying, he kept saying that mom said it was his turn to play. we had no choice but to lock him up. we told our mom he was on an expedition to Jupiter."
EXTRA SIDE NEWS!! • a binge eating crisis! marsilians can't get enough of the new bizzas. 75 hospitalized due to swollen antennas. • 2 marsilians arrested, "they stole my husband's antenna" • young marsilians arrested after they dug into the ground looking for a "time machine"
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COUNSELLING Q.1 Why are my antennas not growing, why haven't i hit marbity yet? All my others marspadres have hit marbity. Everyone goes through marbity it’s just that some go through it faster than others. You’re completely normal just like the other marspadres you don't need to worry about it, your antennas will eventually grow. Don't compare yourself with others as everyone has different bodies and few marspadres grow antennas before compared to others. You need to accept yourself and be happy because you’re alienful however you look, long antennas or not. Q.2Hey! So I've basically been struggling with anxiety for over a year now, I've gone to an alien-fixer and everything. I know quite a bit about it but I'd love to hear any tips you might have on how to handle anxiety attacks or depressive episodes. If you are suffering with anxiety don’t worry, it is common for every Martian and sooner or later they will face it. But here is what we suggest, you should always talk to someone about it. You can approach your ancient ones or you can talk to the teachers at your marsicle. Q.3 I have unknowingly become addicted to my pod during the closedown. How do I deaddict myself? The first step to de- addiction is realizing and accepting your addiction so kudos to you! You need a lot of will power to stay away from your pod especially during this closedown when your pod is your only link to the outside planet. Make sure that you enable pod time control on your pod so that you get a beep if you use it for too much time. Try to keep your pod in another in another cell so that you think before your get up to go get it. A conscious effort from your brain will definitely help you. CLOSEDOWN DOESN’T MEAN YOU LOOSE CONTACT WITH YOUR LOVED MARSLINGS! YOU CAN NEVER LOOSE THEM!
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Who removed the worms from the cooker and put it on the marstove? Was it Hakuna Matata ? Was it Hononobubu ? OR WAS IT YOU ? (scandalous..) Inspired by the Earthling "TV" show.
TRY THIS TODAY!!!!
Juan 45th
CATCH IT ON CINEMARTIAN
THE MARITAL SECTION!! 11!! 1
WANTED MASAKALULA
WANTED MASAKALI
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ENTERNAINMENT!! Movie marathon on Cinemartian! 111 TONIGHT from 8:00MM the Cinemartian will be playing 2 of the most iconic movie of Marron Stroyp. THE MARTIANS WEAR PRADA Who said that Martians can’t be fashionable ? Marron Stroyp famously said “ Why isn’t my worm tea here ? Has the new assistant died or something”. Moreover you get to see Annoy Hotowoi wonder “are my antennas thin enough for me to enter the fashion world ..... or wait are my 16 eyes the main problem?” SOPHIDORA’S CHOICE
Juicy wuicy gossip
Marron Stroyp won an Oscar for this movie where made a decision that changed the course of her life.....“What do I ? Do I eat this Earth-Made burger or pizza ?” The decision eventually lead to her death. Watch the heartbreaking journey of Sophidora from being an innocent Martian woman to a rebellious one who is willing to do anything to take a bite of Earth food.
GAROLD STUTTER to be lead actor in the first Martian action thriller clipping named “COPSPOP” will play an alien hunter from the blue planet. DANE JOHNMAN and FAMILY MARTIANS recovered from the interplanetary virus outbreak, also referred to as covid-19 by the Earthlings SANJOR DHUT diagnosed with the rare disease called “CARSINOMASA”. Fans and fellow Martians pray for his speedy recovery.
SHAKUNA MARSHA and VOIRIT KOHILIO happily announce the addition of a new Martian in their clan. The Kohilios celebrate the news with a cake cutting ceremony with the inter planetary Quiball team.
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.
MUSIC!!
Smiley Curious performs new single “The Daytime Soil” at the first Human and Martian Collaborated award function. Marron Stroyp bags her 880th Moscar nomination , proving everyone that she's greedy when it comes to awards. Actress Bangle RunOut call out the bad guys in the film industry, and comes in support of the family of late actor SST. Glowwie Curdasian caught using excessive photoshop on her selfies.
South Momoan Boy Band BTG becomes the first from their country to top the Marboard Hawt 100.
Daneel Creig releases the trailer of the latest James Binod, it garners 25 million views.
WEATHER The day will be sticky and stinky as a chlorine shower is expected. Due to some orbital displacement, there may be slight tremors in the southern part of the planet
MAXIMUM TEMP- 3 deg Celsius MINIMUM TEMP- (-31 )deg Celsius
BEST BRAND ON MARS!!