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A Different Choice; A Different Life Flipbook PDF
A Different Choice; A Different Life
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By Ling Kui Hung & Lee Chee Sun
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Dedicated to Our Elder Daughter Sharon
We will spread the grace of God for our entire lifetime. God gave you to us twenty-one years ago, and we are thankful that you are our first token of love. We named you Xuan En (萱恩) by the meaning of spreading the abundant grace of God, adding two crosses (艹) on top of xuan (宣 to 萱). Your name contains our wish that you will honour God as your priority forever and ever, without forgetting Christ is the head of our house. — Father
Recollecting your mischievous monkeying and rebellious behaviour when you were young, we are always grateful for your independence and maturity today. Heartfelt words: my daughter, we are both proud of you. Like an eagle soaring high, fly freely and reign the skies God has prepared for you. — Mother
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Table of Contents
Foreword by Rev. Pung
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Preface
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Chapter 1: A Life of Vision and Abundance Believe in Yourself; Realise Your Potential
014
Do Not Worry
016
A Life of Vision and Abundance
020
A Life of Pleasantness and Plentitude
022
A Good Money Manager
026
Man Proposes; God Disposes
029
Choice
031
Are You Happy?
033
The Second Half of Life
035
005
Chapter 2: Work and Life Certification = Success?
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To Choose Career or Job?
046
Work and Life
053
Opportunity or Pressure?
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Success Comes From “Leverage”, Not Only “Labour”
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A Different Choice
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The Next Generation to Become Brilliant Administrators (Employees)
064
Chapter 3: Mentality Can Make or Break You Innovate Ideas; Inherit Traditions
068
Mindset Makes Success
070
Mentality Can Make or Break You
073
The Right Mentality
075
Do Not Worry About Tomorrow
080
Walk Out of Your Comfort Zone
083
Prior to Success Is to Change Yourself!
085
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Chapter 4: Stand in Someone Else’s Shoes; Give Mutual Respect How to Win Respect?
090
Stand in Someone Else’s Shoes; Give Mutual Respect
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Stand Your Ground to Win Respect
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Do Not Judge A Person by One’s Profile
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I Am Not a Good Person
101
A Game of Comparison and Self-Improvement
103
The Beauty of Balance
106
Chapter 5: The Art of Speech Control Your Emotions; Master Your Life
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Manage Your Emotions; Live a Joyful Life
112
The Art of Speech
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The Art of Reprimanding
120
The Art of Surviving Reprimands (Part 1)
124
The Art of Surviving Reprimands (Part 2)
127
Tolerance and Patience
129
007
Chapter 6: Begin With the End in Mind; Win at the Finish Line A Noble Heart Wins the World
132
Regulation Is Obligation, but Self-Discipline Is Freedom
134
The Power of Teamwork
138
Habits of Happiness
141
Six-Feet Under Is a Worry-Free Life
146
Common Sense
148
Begin With the End in Mind; Win at the Finish Line
150
Chapter 7: The Best Blessing for the Children Parent Protection: Is It “Love” or “Harm”?
154
My Mother Said It Is None of Her Business!
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Put Effort into Life to Live a Happy One
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The Next Generation to Become Brilliant Administrators (Children)
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Strict in Conduct but Soft with People (Part 1)
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Strict in Conduct but Soft with People (Part 2)
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The Best Blessing for the Children
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Release Yourself; Go Unrestrained
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Afterword: Heartfelt Words from Father and Mother
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Foreword by Rev. Pung
Much delight has been brought to me by the publication of Brother Kui Hung and Sister Lily’s A Different Choice; A Different Life—Fear the Lord and He Shall Show You the Path He Made. Having known Kui Hung, Lily and their two little ladies for many years, I see the abundant grace of God in their family, career and interpersonal relationships; at the same time, I am impressed by their devoutness, dedication and effort in Christianity, especially by their unique way of maintaining a low profile while glorifying God in the workplace. I had laboured in the workplace for many years before I was called by God to become a pastor, to be the leader of churches, halfway through my life. Thus, in my sermons and teachings, I would naturally highlight the importance and necessity of living a Christian life in the workplace. Be it on the church podium or other platforms, from time to time had I preached about the mission of Christians in the workplace. Hence, when Kui Hung and Lily shared with me the ministries their company has been supporting and the future ones they will be “investing in”, I was exceptionally exuberant. I supported their idea one-hundred per cent by praying for and cooperating with them. I am immensely grateful and ecstatic to cross paths with Christians who shared my vision and mission. What the workplace ministry needs is a practical and down-to-earth
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faith. It is a mission only to be taken on by mature, dedicated and giving Christians. From the articles in A Different Choice; A Different Life, we see Kui Hung and Lily teach principles and actions a believer should possess and practise. Inspired by daily incidents in their career, life, family and interpersonal relationships, they have used cohesive and straightforward language instead of religious jargon. A Different Choice; A Different Life is a book for Christians, who should digest the contents and learn with humility; even more so for non-believers, where their Christian friends should recommend them to read. Although the life principles delivered by the authors are based on Christianity, many articles in this book are the essence of their decades-long experience in training their company’s employees. The contents are lessons that everyone should know; having disregarded religious elements, readers will still learn numerous life lessons applicable to their career, family and interpersonal relationships. It is a guaranteed gain that makes limitless contributions to oneself, one’s family, the community and the country. “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” (Jacob 3:13 [NIV])
Reverent of Permai Chinese Methodist Church Puchong Putra Prima Methodist Church
Rev. Pung Oa Siong August 2020
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Preface
When I was young, the LORD bestowed a vision upon me, instructing me to pen down my life experiences and share with other people. All these years, I always felt it was an impossible mission because I am bad at writing. I am not sensitive to language. Although sometimes I had the urge to write, I could not produce anything. I also found someone better at writing to help me, but he could not express my genuine thoughts. At last, I gave up! Until one day, when I accompanied my parents to Nirvana Memorial Park for cemetery surveillance, a thought suddenly struck me. If I were to pass away now, what was something that I wanted to leave behind the most? Wealth? Reputation? Photos? Finally, I decided that I was to write down my entire life to share with the next generation while teaching them the excellence in character, conduct, wisdom and faith that I had learned in life. People lose the ability to discern right and wrong in this era of twisted truths. Fake news becomes the truth after countless brainwashing while facts are treated as myths instead! Unable to recognise the value of life, people nowadays resort to seek acceptance and cultivate good feelings about themselves from lies at no cost! After all, who does not like sweet talk and flattery? My original intention was to give these articles to my two daughters as a memento. When some of my friends read my work, they encouraged me
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to share it with more people. Therefore, I decided to post my articles on a blog so that everyone could discuss and learn, hoping for someone to get inspired and grow in character. As time passes, my blog has accumulated many articles, and we decided to publish a compilation of them as a gift for my daughter’s graduation, also hoping that this book will bless other people. We named this book A Different Choice; A Different Life. Tempered by the ordeals of life, we hope our past experiences can help readers discover the meaning of life from a different point of view. We do not need to go mindlessly with the mainstream during the long walk of life. Regardless of favourable circumstances or difficult times, we still have the right to make a choice. With visions in our heads, wisdom in our hearts and a sense of acumen in life, we aspire to make sensible decisions, work diligently and race to our bright future! Towards the end of our days, may we be free of regrets like what Apostle Paul said in the Bible: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7 [NIV]) For the kingdom, the power, and the glory belong to our Father Lord in heaven now and forever. Amen.
Ling Kui Hung
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Chapter 1
A Life of Vision and Abundance
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A Different Choice; A Different Life
Believe in Yourself; Realise Your Potential
Every person has endless potential within oneself! First of all, to realise our capabilities, we must first have confidence in our abilities. Do not get discouraged by the people around you or the environment around you. There is no need to ask others “Could I” or “Can I”.Instead, you should ask yourself “Would I”. Do not ask others “Will I succeed?” but, rather, reflect on “Do I want to succeed?” If your answer is yes, you have to give your best effort and never give up! Once upon a time, an eaglet dropped out of its nest by accident. It just happened that a clutch of chicks was passing by hunting for food, so the eaglet joined them. Since then, the eaglet lived with the chicks, losing the nature and potential of an eagle. One day, a traveller came across this flock. He discovered an eagle among the chickens, and he took it with him. Bringing the eagle to the plains, he raised it high and said, “Fly away, eagle!” He released his grip, but the eagle did not fly. It dropped to the ground. The traveller then brought it to the cliffs and told it, “If you still recognise yourself as an eagle, you should spread
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your wings and soar up. I’m going to let go of you now. If you don’t fly, you will die.” Then, he decidedly flung the eagle into mid-air. The eagle was freefalling at an alarming rate. When it was about to hit the ground, a miracle happened: the eagle spread its wings and flew high up. A man will not reach his potential until he is in despair, also precisely why times make their heroes. If you genuinely believe you are that “eagle”, you just need an opportunity to jump-start your underlying capabilities, not because you cannot fly. You need a believer to encourage and push you on so that you can unleash your potential. When you are living a comfortable life among the chickens and choose to believe you are one of them, you would be happy to stay on the ground, hunting for food while occasionally flying low. Humans have endless potential. Staying in your comfort zone ebbs away your spirits and vigour, leaving you too strained to go anywhere further in life. We should focus on personal growth while maintaining our curiosity and innovation, unleashing the power within us to create miracles. We will soar up high to reach our final destination!
We should focus on personal growth while maintaining our curiosity and innovation, unleashing the power within us to create miracles.
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Do Not Worry
We Christians often say, “Worry not, for God shall provide.” However, it is hard not to worry as there are big and small matters to worry about every day! Though some worries are owing to external factors such as natural calamities and man-made disasters, most of the time, our endless worrying is only asking for trouble. We worry about ourselves, our family and the people around us. Worry invites itself when we are obsessed over some people or events, unwilling to loosen our grip because of the fear that things will go out of control, developing towards an undesirable outcome. Our creativity would go wild and paint us the worst possible ending ever. Let us find out why we frequently worry by using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Humans’ basic level of need is physiological. It is said that humans need three meals a day: only when sufficient food, water supply, warm clothing and a “rooftop” shelter are readily available will we desire for other activities. Having our basic physiological needs satisfied, we will begin to worry about losing these supplies, because the second level of needs is
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the sense of security. Since humans are dependent on people or resources that give us a sense of security, we will be afraid of losing our possession of them. Now that we live a well-off life feeling safe within our comfort zone, we seek to satisfy our third level of need—a sense of belonging. We hope to be accepted in our workplace or social circle. Longing for assurance plants the worry of not being socially accepted, liked or respected. When all three levels are met, we go on to trouble ourselves with endeavours to increase our self-value, reassure our ego and build our self-esteem, which is the next level of need. Then we proceed to actualising our goals and making great achievements to satisfy the final level of self-actualisation. Nonetheless, will we ever be worry-free, even when we manage to satiate the highest level of need? In my opinion, we will not be able to break free from worries by ourselves alone. The
Therefore, we must build an intimate relationship with God. Realise that He is our strong foundation.
Bible
says,
“Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own,” and also “But seek first His kingdom
and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Therefore, we must build an intimate relationship with God. Realise that He is our strong foundation. For physiological needs, God tells us not to worry about what to eat, what to drink or what to wear, for He shall provide us. For our safety needs, God says, “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.”
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We should make God our priority in life. Wait for and obey His lead, so that He becomes our fortress and rock. For a sense of belonging, the Bible tells us, “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.” (Psalms 118:8–9 [NIV]) It is not secure to rely on humans or objects; no one knows how tomorrow will hold. Jesus Christ is the only way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. He is where we truly belong. Achievements may
bring
booming
self-esteem,
Jesus Christ is the only way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. He is where we truly belong.
but the accompanying fear of failing or losing will also bring worries. God has promised to meet all our needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. In Jesus, we are rich and lack nothing. After having self-esteem, we humans want self-actualisation to assure our self-value. The Bible says if we believe in this true God with our heart and profess our faith with our mouths, we are a child of the LORD. It also says we are created in His image. Not only does this assure that our self-value comes from our identity as a child of the LORD, it also gives us the true self-actualisation we long for. The roots of worry come from not believing or lacking faith in this only true God. Many times we try to achieve our dreams by our own efforts, but obstacles frequently hinder us. The Bible tells us, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” He promises us that we can do all this
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through Him who gives us strength. Our Lord Jesus Christ says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 [NIV]) Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering. We should rejoice instead of grieve, place our worries in God’s hands and trust Him with all our heart. His lead will never be wrong.
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A Life of Vision and Abundance
We often hear people say, “Do what you love; love what you do,” but a lot of people do not have passion for their work. Many work for the sake of a living. Hence, it is crucial that you choose a job that you like and turn it into your career. What is the driving force that keeps you to your occupation? Money? Status? Power? Family? All of these are, in fact, short-term forces. A long-term driving force is a vision. Everyone should have a vision.
Everyone should have a vision. Only then will our life have direction and meaning, eventually leading to an abundant life.
Only then will our life have direction and meaning, eventually leading to an abundant life. I was clear about my vision and gifts at a young age, so after graduation, I went for a job that I liked,
and since 1995 (twenty-three years has passed) have I been in love with my career. Although I face various challenges every day, my passion counteracts every obstacle. To me, this is the joys and happiness of life. I have had many visions all these years. One of them is to train the next
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generation, so that they can become brilliant administrators of themselves and live a better life. What about you? What is your vision? The Bible says, “Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint.”
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A Life of Pleasantness and Plentitude
Yesterday, I attended a talk about finance and company listing organised by a government division. The speaker analysed a whole lot about the benefits of having your company listed. One of the biggest benefits was funding sufficient capital for business expansion. I immediately thought of a Chinese character: Shū (relax). For fund holders in the market, it was an opportunity to invest; before they could receive considerable dividends in the future, they had to first “give away” their cash in hand to invest in potential enterprises. On the other hand, while listed companies would raise a large pool of funds for profitable projects and business expansion, a portion of profit were to be “given up” to investors as a reward. This relationship for mutual benefit between investors and enterprises embodies a win-win operational model that is built upon “giving away” and “giving up”. After that, I pondered on the importance the character shū held in my life. What is indeed known as shū? Would I live a relaxed life if my company went public? Would success and money bring me an abundant life? What
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more significant was, would my days be shū xīn (pleasant) because of these mere achievements? The Chinese character, shū (舒) constitutes of shě (舍) and yǔ (予). Shě means to give up something. Many people are unable to let go because they grasp their possessions too tightly. That is why every day seems so hard for them! We, alternatively, could learn to “take it easy or let go” to bolster our state of mind. There is no need to be so petty over everything; we should humble ourselves to help others when necessary. I believe we will feel more free and relaxed. Of course, the process is not easy. Our easy-going attitude might not be appreciated by everyone around us. Instead, they might perceive us as a pushover who can be easily taken advantage of. Some people would even go as far as to bully us. However, we must continue to practise endurance and tolerance, and be brave to uphold our principle. We turn down inappropriate requests with gentleness, and calmly embrace remarks from other people. That said, I believe we will live a carefree and pleasant life, which is a wonderful blessing. Secondly, we also need to practise yǔ, which means to give away. Everyone wants to get, but who is willing to give? Will giving exhaust our resources? Some people think the rich are obliged to give more because they own more fortunes, but I think it has nothing to do with being rich or poor. If we want a pleasant life, a life that is shū xīn, we must learn to give: not only money but also time, love, space, trust, chance etc. Then more people will receive joy and happiness. When we give without expecting returns, we will
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receive more blessings and grace, as the Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Our Lord Jesus says: if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. It is an absurd statement to be declared in our society—only “saints” or “fools” can adhere to this, right? When someone slaps your right cheek, it takes an impressive amount of endurance not to strike back, let alone turning the other cheek for more slapping, is it not so? Who in the world would allow oneself to be humiliated to this extent? When I was a naïve young man, if someone was “assaulting” me, (note: not limited to physical behaviour; assault takes on many forms) I felt I would let him slap all he wanted to. He could even slap my other cheek. Back then, I thought everything would be fine if I practised endurance. After all, it was a testimonial from Christians. If someone cursed me, I would let him be. The Chinese saying, “take a step back and calm and peace is found” promoted my philosophy too. They could do whatever they liked; God would judge them. When I grew older, however, I had different thoughts. I felt I should protect myself—I would not be the offender—but I could “dodge the blow” if attempted by someone. I should not be assaulted in vain. I clung on to this principle even more so when I started working, feeling good of myself. I could live in harmony without hurting other people. Alas, society is complicated and so are humans. Although I did not want to offend others, conflicts in interests that led to scheming and manipulation were inevitable. As time went by, life became more difficult for me. Every day, I had to stay vigilant when dealing
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with people, so much so I started to “plot against” people. Without myself realising, I had become a selfish person who cared only about myself. Nevertheless, as I age, I begin to gain a new insight. Getting “slapped” can also be a good thing. How so? When I am happy to be assaulted, I am practising shě to give up my dignity, status, esteem while humbling myself to learn, which eventually brings me true freedom and peace. No longer do I own hard feelings about being slapped. Nor do I withdraw sincerity and love from my social interactions, deliberately distancing myself from people to just avoid being assaulted. On the contrary, being able to rationally analyse the situation and reflect upon myself, I improve and grow to be a better person. I have the tolerance to be more
Even more so, if we are willing to practise yǔ, to give our love, care, time and everything, we will gain unimaginable contentment and sense of significance, something that is priceless.
forgiving. Even more so, if we are willing to practise yǔ, to give our love, care, time and everything, we will gain unimaginable contentment and sense of significance, something that is priceless. Although it looks like a total loss on paper, it will train us, transform
our mindset and improve our character and bearing. Our Lord Jesus teaches us to learn from His gentleness and humility so that we enjoy a plentiful life. Wishing you pleasant and joyful days, let us work hard towards it!
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A Good Money Manager
My daughter had shared with me her recent conversation with one of her university mates. She got to know the goal of her friend, which was to earn as much money as possible. She said it was a strange goal: if a person lived only to make money, what was the meaning of life? How much money was “as much money as possible”? How much money was considered enough? What sacrifices would one need to make? Indeed, my daughter, you are right! Money should not be our life’s ultimate goal; otherwise, it will become our master, and we turn into slaves for life. If a person’s life goal is to make money non-stop, it will be like sinking into a bottomless pit because one will never be satisfied. Such greediness will corrupt our soul and mind bit by bit. As the Bible says, “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” Money is nothing but a tool. It by itself does not bring us any contentment
or
joy.
My
friend’s
Money is nothing but a tool. It by itself does not bring us any contentment or joy.
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brother, with their family’s expectations and his outstanding results, became an established doctor who earned a handsome income. Nevertheless, after every visit, his dad would come back with a question: “Why is my son still unhappy when he earns this much?” Undoubtedly, money can buy materialistic enjoyments that bring us happiness. However, over time, it will not be enough to satisfy our growing appetite. For that, we need to spend more for more pleasure and excitement. Our insatiable desire will eventually drive us into perpetual servitude to fill a bottomless pit of greed. Money should be a reward for our diligent labour. If we put your talents to proper use, which is in line with our aspiration, interest, passion and capability, we will have better performance and higher returns. At the same time, we will be pleased and proud of ourselves. When you start to earn an income, you should manage your money wisely. Plan your life early and set goals for every milestone of your life. Put money in your savings and ensure sufficient capital in preparation for future opportunities. When you come to middle age, you need to work hard for the sake of your family’s happiness in the name of love, while maintaining a proper work-life balance. Also, plan for retirement so that you would be selfsufficient, healthy and ready to live a plain but comfortable life. Of course, do not forget to use your money, which is granted by God, to expand His kingdom by helping the disadvantaged, spreading love and warmth as you do so.
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Let us work hard to fulfil our dreams and aspirations. The money we have earned is a tool that we should master and put to good use for creating a better life. Remember, wealth and the ability to earn it are gifts given by God. We are, after all, nothing but its temporary manager. May we aspire to be a good manager in our lifetime without failing the task God has assigned to us.
Remember, wealth and the ability to earn it are gifts given by God. We are, after all, nothing but its temporary manager.
A Life of Vision and Abundance
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Man Proposes; God Disposes
There are many things that we cannot decide in life. We are not always in control. However, should we just give up and resign to our fate? Should we live in mediocrity? Indeed, many things are not up to us. Still, we can give our very best on tasks that we should accomplish. The outcome might not be ideal, but at least we have tried. We are answerable to ourselves. We must trust that God has power over everything and that He has a beautiful plan. Last year, my wife joined several political groups and ethnicity events launched by a group of Christians based in Melbourne. I asked her, “Since when are you interested in politics?” She said, “I’m not interested in politics. But I want to do everything that I can and should do—for our children’s future, and also for our future. We must be united and deliver proper Christianity values to parliament via proper channels.” I personally doubt that we can deliver our petty wishes to parliament. Still, I agree entirely with her on this matter. We should do everything in our power and leave the rest to God! Praise God that a miracle has happened in
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this year’s Australian federal election. The coalition led by an honest Christian has been elected to form the
We should do everything in our power and leave the rest to God!
new parliament. Other than focusing only on ourselves, we should also pay attention to others. If we remain apathetic about significant events, sooner or later they will turn into smaller matters that affect us dearly. Therefore, let us make every effort and leave the remaining to God! You do your best and GOD will do the rest!
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Choice
Humans have free will. The LORD gave us the right and freedom to choose when He created us. We should exercise careful use of the privilege God has bestowed upon us, for our choices will affect our lives. There are unlimited possibilities while we are alive on earth, but our choice will become the only action we carry out, no matter what we choose. For example, you are presented with a large range of selections for breakfast when you wake up, but once you decide on half-boiled eggs, the possibility of eating other foods dissipates after you have had your fill of eggs, and halfboiled eggs become your breakfast. In the afternoon, if someone asks you what you had for breakfast, half-boiled eggs will be your only answer, the only case. We can choose to believe we have the ability to enhance our quality of life, to be happier, to have more spiritual peace. When it comes to our career, family and marriage, we can choose to showcase our limitless potential and achieve great things, raise a great family and sustain a happy marriage. Alternatively, we could also choose to succumb to the status quo, thinking
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that the rest of our life will be the same, and it is out of our league to get around this bottleneck. We get controlled by our past where failures, hurt and misery haunt us, adversely affecting our view of and reaction to life. We can choose to run away from making decisions and hand over our decisionmaking rights to someone else. Hence, please be responsible for your own life. Be careful in selecting your everyday philosophy, mindset and goal that you will live up to. When you choose love, positivity, courage and
Please be responsible for your own life. Be careful in selecting your everyday philosophy, mindset and goal that you will live up to.
confidence, the possibility spread out in front of you will be a hopeful one. In contrast, you could also have a bleak future. Whatever choice you make will have huge effects on your life.
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Are You Happy?
Everyone hopes to live happily ever after, but life does not often tend to our wish. Many of us blame our bitterness on life and the people around us. If everything goes smoothly, we are happy; otherwise, we feel angry, annoyed, worried and sad. Once, a manager complained to me that the work environment was bad; he was put under huge pressure. I tried all sorts of methods to improve work conditions, but he eventually resigned. As I pondered on the issue, trying to further investigate the matter, I discovered only 20% of the problem came from his environment. The remaining 80% came from his mindset and capabilities. He hoped for the people around him to act and matters to unfold according to his expectations; only then would he be happy. Nonetheless, it is wishful thinking that will never come true. The most effective solution for him is to alter his mindset so that he could overcome all obstacles and challenges—to maintain a steady and joyful heart in all circumstances. In everyday life, we inevitably meet people who are full of negativity and hard to get along with. We cannot control their emotions or behaviour, but we
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can choose not to be emotionally affected by them. We can cooperate with them as much as possible. Otherwise, we can avoid them by keeping our distance. However they might grumble or criticise, we should march forward boldly without looking back, without turning back to argue with them while we are on our way to success. In spite of the ineluctable criticism that we will receive, our journey remains; we will not collapse in puddles of blood merely because annoying flies are buzzing beside our ear. Those who focus on their path see beautiful sceneries. They have no eyes for flies. I once heard a Chinese song with a lyric, “I’m happy because you are too.” I pondered over the sentence. Why should my happiness be founded on yours? Does this mean that I am entirely at the mercy of your happiness? That is why I prefer another Chinese song that goes, “Are you happy? I am very happy!” It depicts that happiness is independent of anything. Whether you are happy will not affect my happiness. Regardless
of
what
that
happens, it is our choice to be happy. Be responsible for your own happiness! It is too precious to be put into the hands of another where your happiness would be decided for you!
Be responsible for your own happiness! It is too precious to be put into the hands of another where your happiness would be decided for you.
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The Second Half of Life
Life is like a football match divided into two halves. The Bible says, “The days of our years are threescore years and ten, or even by reason of strength fourscore years.” Before the age of thirty-five, I was in the first half of life, then certain events propelled me into stoppage time, and here I am now in the second half. In the first half, I pursued success, rushed through college, fell in love and started to work. I got married and built my career while accumulating wealth in hopes of a comfortable life. There was no extra time for me to ponder how I should live my days. Now that I have aged, my success in life depends on this second half, just like how the tables might turn during the second half-time of a football match. I do not want my prideful days to be “but labour and sorrow; for it is [they are] soon gone, and we fly away”, as described in the Bible. I wish for my life to be one like the Bible teachings, asking the LORD to grant me gratitude for counting my days, thus acquiring a heart of wisdom. Therefore, I decided to pursue value and meaning instead of success in life. I need some space to myself, regain control of my time and invest part of my fortune on public welfare.
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A Different Choice; A Different Life
To regain control of my life is easier said than done. Even though I adopted a new view of life, my old habits die hard. In this article, I would like to share with you some of my current practices.
1. Delegate work During the second half of life, my stamina, energy and memory are deteriorating. I must learn to let go of individual heroism. So did I discard my belief that no one except I could get things done in the best way. Instead, I focused on preparing the next generation to be leaders and managers, while delegating responsibility and authority to them. I also led and encouraged them to show their talents. A person cannot, and should not, run a one-man show because his hard work will only
Instead of toiling away at work for individual success, I need to build an excellent team so that we work more efficiently together!
produce little results. Hence, instead of toiling away at work for individual success, I need to build an excellent team so that we work more efficiently together!
2. Do things that I am good at, and abandon less important matters I am a pioneer whose expertise is in marketing and strategy. Although I have the ability to deal with trivial matters, I prefer other people to help me out! I only focus on my expertise to achieve the most effective performance!
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3. Know when to say “No”: decline affairs when deemed improper As a highly competent person, many people have come to me for help, thus I need to be exceptionally clear-headed about my direction and mission. I must not be persuaded into doing something that conflicts with my visions. I should pursue the purpose of my life instead of making sacrifices for another person.
4. Set limits Nowadays, I finish my tasks within the allocated time to avoid overtime work. I set reasonable daily tasks at work and complete them before going off duty! Currently, I meet two to three people every day for in-depth discussions, of whom including my subordinates, customers or suppliers. The rest of my time is spent on strategising and planning my future direction.
5. Have some self-reflection time I must have some time to myself every day. It is when I reflect upon myself and evaluate whether my life is complete and balanced. In my opinion, if a person wants to take control of one’s life, this is one of the most vital exercises that one should practice.
Have some time to yourself every day. Reflect upon yourself and evaluate whether your life is complete and balanced.
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6. Avoid negative people I will try to avoid negative people so that I am not infected with their unhealthy emotions. When I am around negative people, I will lose control of my emotions. Despite my efforts to infuse positivity into them, I am easily drawn into the whirlpool of their negative emotions. As the Chinese saying goes, “What's near cinnabar goes red, and what's next to ink turns black,” I am easily affected by my surroundings.
7. Go minimal I took unimportant stuff out of the equation, like grand houses, luxurious vehicles, club memberships, branded goods etc. Try to think about it: how much time, energy and resource will we spend on these substances? They are not evil by nature; in fact, they offer emotional pleasure and enjoyment to us. However, they easily overpower us and become our master, enticing us to work around the clock just to be in possession of them. If we had to work laboriously every day to sustain a lavish lifestyle, would we have any extra time to remaster our life?
They are not evil by nature; in fact, they offer emotional pleasure and enjoyment to us. However, they easily overpower us and become our master, enticing us to work around the clock just to be in possession of them.
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8. Relax occasionally Upon regaining control of my daily schedule, I want to add occasional entertainment into my agenda. For example, escape to a coffee shop to write more articles, watch a movie with my wife, go on a date with her etc. Proper entertainment can relax the body and mind. It reminds me that I am the master of my time.
9. Create space I will not pick up unknown calls. I will also not pick up inappropriately timed calls. They can leave a message in that case, and I will reply to them according to my schedule. This will create more personal space for me, one that is not controlled by the environment. In the second half of life, I am my only enemy! We should stay true to our visions and become a wise person. Summary: Have some time to yourself every day. Reflect upon yourself and evaluate whether your life is complete and balanced.
Chapter 2
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Certification = Success?
Recently in Malaysia, some politicians have questioned the validity of the certifications our current ministers claimed to have, especially of those obtained by distance learning, turning the matter into a political weapon for attacking enemies. I was also led to doubting the authenticity of my remotely earned certificate. Recalling my experience of taking exams at British Council Malaysia, where my paper was sent to the UK for grading—my award should not be a counterfeit. Anyhow, I quickly hunted for the certificate whose whereabouts were unknown. Searching high and low, I finally found the old certificate of twenty years’ history! I scanned it from left to right, top to bottom without finding anything special with it: it was merely a thicker piece of paper decorated with print. For further authentication, I specifically went to the university’s official website to request a reprint, which I received within a week. Only then was I relieved. My wife laughed that I had nothing better to do and was asking for trouble. Back then, I desperately spent money, time and energy to study for this master’s degree with only one goal—that is to get a promotion and a better
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pay. After I successfully graduated and obtained the certification, I could not wait to tell my superior in high hopes for a promotion or pay raise. However, my superior did not seem impressed. I was perplexed. I had four years’ work experience by that time, and a master’s degree would have consolidated my career prospects. Why did my company take no notice of me? After an in-depth analysis and much self-reflection, I came to a conclusion: whatever that I learned from the course only exists in theory; it is yet to be proven useful for my company’s operations and management! Therefore, I began to understand a universal truth: for me to succeed, my company must first become successful. In other words, if I wanted a high income, my company must have had a good performance and made high profits; it is a law of entrepreneurship. Hence, how I should contribute with my knowledge, talents and skills to
If I wanted a high income, my company must have had a good performance and made high profits; it is a law of entrepreneurship.
continually increase my company’s trades and profits was the key. After that, I focused on applying my new knowledge and worked even harder than before. My goal was to boost my company’s performance. In the end, I got my promotion and pay raise within a year. Does “awarded certifications” equate to “guaranteed success”? Today’s society tells us not to worry anymore once we graduate from top universities with proper certifications, because we will surely succeed and earn a
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high income. Would you agree? From the perspective of an entrepreneur, certifications are the equivalence of the key to success but not success itself. If we do not use this key to unlock the door to success, the door will never be opened, and we will never be well-accomplished. Acquiring knowledge is vital, but knowing how to apply it is more so! Retaining knowledge is the first step that will not be enough for us to venture further or higher. The enterprise deems knowledge unable to add value to the company as worthless. Other than expertise and diligence, fresh graduates to discover their potential need a mentor who thinks highly of them, who is willing to guide; and a platform that gives them
Other than expertise and diligence, fresh graduates to discover their potential need a mentor who thinks highly of them, who is willing to guide; and a platform that gives them free rein.
free rein. Suppose you make a high income and easy tasks as your sole criteria for a job. In that case, you will eventually miss out on many opportunities to grow, being unable to polish yourself for a higher level of management, and you are trapped forever in the lower hierarchy of work. Moreover, everyone’s “door to success” is different. We should be unexceptionally clear about which door is ours. Only when we have found the right door will our certifications be the correct key. It is a task that our parents or friends cannot evaluate or decide for us; we must employ our wisdom to observe and courage to decide. It is sad many young people nowadays do
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not recognise their door, proceed to accomplish only small achievements, then waste their entire life in mediocrity. Young people, parents of the young, behold! Awaken from the myth that high qualifications equate to high income and position! Stunning certifications do not necessarily bring a successful life. Success comprises many external factors and hard work. As to young people who are just starting their journey, it is most crucial that you understand yourself. Train yourself to be more farsighted, decide your path, look for suitable mentors and platforms, seize opportunities and make correct choices—only then will you open your personal “door to success”.
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To Choose Career or Job?
Most young people nowadays choose to study a popular course instead of one that they are interested in. They hope to get a high-pay job after graduation but are clueless about jobs that befit them. Focusing on salary, position and number of new skills they can pick up from a job, they neglect more pressing issues. The few points below that I would like to discuss have a significant impact on their career prospects in the long run.
1. Personal interest and talents The Jews are the cream of the crop in their respective professions. Having understood their interests and skills, they commit themselves to the related fields. Focusing on developing a career that you are passionate about yields twice the result with half of your effort and gives a higher success rate. If you take up a dull job for the sake of high pay, you will be
Focusing on developing a career that you are passionate about yields twice the result with half of your effort and gives a higher success rate.
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fed up with it, even though you might master it with ease. You muddle along, you underperform, you overthink at a young age when you should be striving for a better life. Hence, you should get to know yourself properly as early as adolescence (twelve years old and above) by exploring your aptitudes and interests. Try more, read more, observe more. Talk to the elders, friends, family around you to find out the true nature of different jobs and professions. What is more important is your character growth. You should be a responsible adult who adopts a mature mindset and
has
broader
visions.
Upon
graduation, you should have grown into a wise, diligent fresh graduate with fine qualities of character, ready
What is more important is that you should focus on character growth, so that you mature and develop acumen in your work while taking on more responsibilities.
to embark on your future career.
2. Profession and industry Your career will unfold in different ways, depending on your industry. Some professions have more potential for development than others; some are nearing their dusk, while others see a new break of dawn; some high-tech industries require professional personnel, whereas others do not specify qualifications in their hiring notices. Times change while outdating certain professions and fostering new businesses. Suppose you keep yourself aligned with the market progressions so that you foresee the future trend. You will be able to make a well-informed career decision that agrees with your interest and personality.
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3. Company regulations, foundation and prospects A company’s favourable prospects depend on its top managers who formulate and enact its development plan. Before or after you go for an interview, or during the interview itself, you should get to know the company’s management, operations and structure. At the same time, make frequent observations regarding the environment and the discipline of staff. If you get the chance to meet senior managers, talk to them so that you can understand and analyse the company’s direction and prospects. Only an actively growing firm will offer you further opportunities.
4. Available platforms and opportunities for advancement by the company Some companies recruit to expand their operations; some, to replace vacancies left by resigned workers. Some companies emphasise employee training to prepare new managers for the future; some prefer experienced workers who can start working immediately without any training. During market recessions, some companies recruit more workers and train them to get ready for the next economic sprint; others resort to retrenchment, then, when the market recovers, employ experienced personnel with high salaries to deal with growing sales. Although the latter pay more, I advise you to consider companies that focus on improving together with their employees, giving their workforce a larger platform and more opportunities for advancement.
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5. Mentors and good judges of talent As the Chinese saying goes, “Even a horse that can run a thousand miles needs a good judge who appreciates its talents.” If you are lucky enough to have a boss who is successful and loves to guide his subordinates at the start of your career, take the initiative to work with him. Opportunities are for those who are willing to fight. Never passively wait for your superiors to take notice of you someday. Of course, you must have outstanding performance to win their recognition. After all, their time is too precious to be wasted on undeserving employees.
6. Specialisation Many young people told me that they wanted to continually gain new work experience and skills. However, what I would like to tell them is that enterprises are not vocational schools. Limited resources make it infeasible to train new employees for everything. Still, I had to see them resign within one or two years to join another company. Must learning take place in a completely new environment where new activities are available? In fact, that is not the case. Many high-achievers devote their life towards one specialisation, where they accumulate knowledge, craftsmanship and management skills to make innovations. Senior managers of some companies have comprehensive, more than a decade’s experience by remaining in the same position, thus are exceptionally familiar with all of the company’s operations. When you have a shrewd mind and acute judgement, can deal with all sorts of abstruse cases
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faced by the company, it is only too natural for senior managers to think highly of you. You will be delegated crucial tasks and receive a pay several times higher than your peers. On the other hand, if you jump from profession to profession, you will have broad but shallow knowledge that eventually leads you to face intensifying competition in work.
7. Horizontal and vertical career paths A horizontal expansion means you frequently change your company but stick to the same post, not being able to advance into the higher levels of work hierarchy. A young man once told me that he planned to gain two years’ experience for his first job, proceed to join another company around two years, and then the third, the fourth for more exposure. He would select a company to settle down once he felt like it. I was nearly tempted to ask him how many ten years he could afford to waste on constant job-hopping, which would deny him the possibility
How many ten years he could afford to waste on constant job-hopping.
to have an in-depth understanding of a department’s operation or to build a reliable team. He would also not be able to win the trust of senior managers. There is a myth that your salary will skyrocket if you change a company every two years. Little do people know, while you might be sought after by companies in your twenties and thirties, once you get past thirty-five or forty years old, your demand for a high pay will weaken your competitiveness against young candidates.
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When you join a company with good prospects, you might start off with a low salary. However, if you are willing to work awfully hard in the first two to three years, give an excellent performance, add high values to the company, showcase your loyalty and ability, you will receive guaranteed promotion and pay raise. This is a vertical expansion for your career path. Horizontal expansion may generate instant and short-term returns, but your career path will plateau in later stages. Vertical expansion, in contrast, yields little or no gains in the beginning. Still, it has such vigour for your career that you will be presented with abundant opportunities to advance into the management level. Your promising future ensures a comeback of income in the years to come.
8. Added value A young man was asked what value he could add to the company during an interview. The answer he gave was within an ordinary job scope that most employees could also supply, without any added value. Indignant, he felt the interviewer was deliberately making things difficult for him. Since this young
When you start working in a new company, you are back to square one. You will have to familiarise yourself with its structure and operations. You will need to build new connections and teams.
man had asked for a higher pay due to his several years of work experience, the recruiter would, of course, have higher hopes! Despite whatever similar experience you have, when you start working in a new company, you are back to square one. You will have to
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familiarise yourself with its structure and operations. You will need to build new connections and teams. That is why you need at least two years and effort to gain the company’s trust before you can take on notable tasks. Therefore, many companies prefer to promote internal employees to significant manager positions. If you leave after working for two years, you might miss your chance.
9. Salary As today’s cost of living soars, it is inevitable fresh graduates request for higher pay. Though, do not focus on salary alone but also other factors. Some companies give a high starting salary, but lesser pay raises; some can only afford a low starting pay, but are willing to train newcomers; some afford a high salary to fill in vacancies that deal with a short-term sales boost. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as a free lunch: a high reward most likely indicates high risk. Choosing your job based on salary is a shortsighted act that might have unpleasant effects on your future career. Most people’s career spans over a mere forty years, from age twenty to sixty. Twenty to thirty years of age is a time for growth, where your professional knowledge, skills, management experience, wisdom, team and trust accumulated in the first decade will propel you into a higher level of work hierarchy in your thirties to forties. If you are not already a functional manager in your forties, you will undoubtedly face the pressure of competition among colleagues and a stagnant career path. Young people like you to select a job should consider all factors that will have a beneficial long-term impact on their career.
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Work and Life
My friend was amongst the first batch of employees in the company’s layoff list. Since she had always been a hardworking, responsible and capable worker, she was rueful and bitter towards the company’s decision. She even exclaimed out of rage, “If I had known about it earlier, I wouldn’t have poured that much of effort into my work. I should’ve simply scribbled through it!” Hence, I encouraged her,
The mindset, organisational skills and ability you’ve built up from doing your job will seep into your life. They will become the precious assets that make you an excellent person.
“Your effort isn’t going to be a waste of time. Yes, you’re made redundant now, but the mindset, organisational skills and ability you’ve built up from doing your job will seep into your life. They will become the precious assets
that make you an excellent person.” Work and life are closely interrelated, as, after all, not many people can act like an entirely different person at work while transforming into another individual in daily life, unless one has a split personality. For instance, an
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employee who often slacks off in work will not suddenly become motivated to complete pending house chores when he goes home. On the other hand, when an active worker returns from work, it’s impossible that he ignores the happenings at home. Some employees turn to their superiors for answers when they face a problem or difficulty, as they cannot think independently and solve problems. In their personal life, these people often hop onto the bandwagon because they do not have their own opinions, and they dislike facing challenges. Some employees like to shuffle through their work; in life, they rarely walk another mile to find a more effective way for completing their tasks. They lose their chance to live a flavorful life. Some employees always run from their responsibilities in work, and they dare not make decisions; they are indecisive in life, lacking the courage to change, to face the possible failure with which they might end up. If a person haggles over every ounce in work, he would not be too generous with his family and friends, would he? If a person works for the sake of making a living, would he not live a gloomy life? Does work affect life or life affect work? This is the same as asking whether the chicken or the egg came first—it is a dilemma. We spend more than eight hours every day to deal with work-related tasks, and the attitude, mindset, cognition and work style built up during this period will affect our life tremendously. Our work platform is also the stage in life that either makes or breaks us.
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Opportunity or Pressure?
Once upon a time, there were two horses that each pulled a cart. One of them ran fast while the other trotted on slowly, so their owner heaved all stock to the faster horse. The lazy horse behind jeered, “Poor thing! The harder you work, the worse you are treated. You wouldn’t have to bear this if you were like me!” Alas, their owner thought: if one horse could pull all the stock, why should he keep two of them? In the end, he slaughtered and ate the lazy horse. This is the “lazy horse effect” in economics. Moral of the story: if we can be easily replaced, we will soon be eliminated from the game! Two fresh graduates, A and B, were employed at the same time by different departments in a company. A worked hard and learned a lot in the day; while at night, he self-studied to increase his productivity. His daily routine was busy yet meaningful. On the other hand, B strictly worked nineto-five without making even the smallest sacrifice for his company. He seized every opportunity to slack off and never missed a party every night after work. He was living an untethered and carefree life. Both of them had a chat on their career a few months later. B laughed at A. “Why’d you do so much
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work? You won’t get a pay raise anyway; you’re being stupid. We get the same pay, but I do much less work and have a stress-free life!” A few years later, A’s career was rapidly developing: he was promoted as the department manager and his pay doubled. B was still where he was. Green with envy, he brushed A off, “Luck’s on your side, you bootlicker!” Is that really so? Of course not. No pain; no gain. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Employees rarely volunteer to take part in a new project, because they want to avoid the pressure brought by starting from scratch. They would make up grand excuses like “I’m swamped”, “I’ve gotten used to my job”, “I don’t feel like changing” and “I don’t feel like trying out new things.” However, to me, it would be a golden opportunity instead of a burdensome task. I believe once chances slip through my hand, they are gone forever. Back then, my boss asked me whether I
It would be a golden opportunity instead of a burdensome task. I believe once chances slip through my hand, they are gone forever.
was willing to manage the department after its manager resigned. There was no pay raise or promotion, only a heavy workload and tons of challenges! Nevertheless, I agreed to take up the task. I knew that my career would take a huge leap after this. As expected, several years of hard work promoted me as a senior manager. As the saying goes, “You reap what you sow.” You will not find yourself with a pumpkin when you planted watermelon seeds! Life is fair: you will receive something beautiful in return when you work for it. Waste not your
Work and Life
time! Set your long-term goals and short-term targets, and work towards them for a better future.
Life is fair: you will receive something beautiful in return when you work for it.
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Success Comes From “Leverage”, Not Only “Labour”
“I’ve laboured and toiled at work, but why can’t I achieve my goals?” As the person-in-charge of our company, I often hear exasperated sentiments as such from my employees. Some of them believe they have tried their best. They go as far as to attribute their failure to their ill-luck, that the world is not fair, or that they do not have a “rich” dad, or other dependable factors; had they been equipped with said advantages, they were sure to succeed. What say you? Everyone yearns for success but often feels impotent. For example, I direct you to move a rock in the yard that is twice as heavy as your weight while cheering on and encouraging you. “As long as you try your best, you’ll surely move the rock!” Still, the rock is, indeed, too heavy for you to move it even with all your might. You might complain, “This rock is too heavy! I’ve used every drop of my strength.” I would respond, “You haven’t tried your
You have exerted your stamina but utilised neither your mental, financial nor human resources.
best!” You have exerted your stamina but utilised neither your mental, financial nor human resources. Why have you not thought of asking
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help from me when I am right beside you? Alas, the melancholy! This is a representation of such events so ever-common in today’s society. With many people considering “what I can do by myself”, the thought of a win-win “leverage” never occurs to them. Many times, whether you perceive a task achievable by yourself is governed by your view on the capabilities of your very own. In fact, how could the accomplishment of a task be solely attributed to a single person? Usually, the credit should be given to the full cooperation and collaboration of many all parties. Who said that you should only do it by yourself? Many successful people have not relied on their capabilities alone; rather, they could combine more resources for “leverage”. Zhuge Liang during the Three Kingdoms era was a master of “leverage”. One day, Zhou Yu told Zhuge Liang, “You are to forge for me a hundred thousand arrows within three days!” It was an impossible mission, yet Zhuge Liang accepted it. Why? He could borrow arrows instead of forging them! Though, if he said to his enemy Cao Cao, “I plan to kill you. Would you mind lending me a hundred thousand arrows?” the latter would never have lent him. That is unless Cao Cao was out of his mind. History tells us that Cao Cao was not out of his mind, but he lent a hundred thousand arrows to Zhuge Liang after all. It was a night enshrouded in fog when Zhuge Liang despatched twenty warships, each of which full of erected scarecrows, under the pretence of attacking the Cao army. Upon discovery, Cao Cao exclaimed, “You want to kill me indeed, Zhuge Liang. And I’ll get to you first with arrows!” Hence, he ordered all shooters
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to aim at the ships. Thousands of arrows were shot. One by one, all of them stuck into the scarecrows on board. In one night, Zhuge Liang received a generous gift of over a hundred thousand arrows from his enemy, Cao Cao. Who said you are limited to leveraging “your” friends, family, company, colleagues, superiors, suppliers or customers? Sometimes, your competitors are wonderful pivots for leverage. Break out of the confinement of “yourself”, and you will find your views broadened, your little world growing into a vaster expanse of land. Let me share another modern example. The British Library, with magnificently rich collections of books, is most prominent in the world. There was once the library was moving and, after some calculations, discovered that the transport fee amounted to a few million. The library was incapable of meeting the funds. What were to do? Someone proposed an idea to the curator. On the second day, the library published an advertisement in newspapers: “From today onwards, every citizen is entitled to borrow ten books free-of-charge from the British Library.” In the end, people swarmed to the library and cleared the building of its books within a few days. The books were all lent out, but how were they to be returned? Borrowers were given the notice to return the books to the library’s new building. With that, the library leveraged the strength of the people to relocate. Many people restrain themselves to “labour” all their effort. It is a useful and efficient approach, but to own true success and outstanding achievements, “labour” is not enough on its own: you must be wise enough to “leverage”. The effects of leverage are often unexpected.
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A Different Choice
There is a story in the Bible about Jesus entering a village, where a woman named Martha welcomed Him to her house. She had a younger sister called Mary, who was listening to Jesus preaching as she sat at His feet. Martha had to make many preparations to welcome Jesus. She felt overwhelmed, so she came to Him and said, “My lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Please tell her to help me.” Jesus replied, “Martha, Martha! You are worried and upset about many things, but there is only one thing that is truly essential. Mary has chosen the good blessing, and it will not be taken away from her.” From the incident above, it is clear that both Mary and Martha respected and loved Jesus. Nevertheless, with all the preparations she alone was making to serve Jesus, Martha was frustrated. At the same time, her question to Jesus was implying that how could He let Mary sit aside without helping her. When she was worried and upset about all sorts of chores, she started to compare herself with Mary, grumbling in her heart as she did so. That was why she released her discontent and grievance through such action
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of questioning Jesus. She did not realise, however, that she neglected Jesus though she longed to serve Him. Are we like Martha? We love Jesus and want to serve Him. We get involved in many church activities, but we have no time to do our devotion, nor do we have time to build our relationship with Him. Are we close to Jesus? Or did we get so caught up in church activities that we neglected Him? Do not serve ourselves instead of Jesus. We must clearly understand who we are serving. Jesus did not reproach Martha for being busy with house chores; He wanted her to sort out her priorities. Serving Christ is not only about working laboriously but also our relationship with God. Take some time to dwell in His presence, before His throne of grace. We often hear people complaining, “I need to prepare for Sunday service; I need to prepare lessons for Sunday school; I’m swamped, LORD, and I have no time for devotion…” Is that true? Martha was busy for Jesus, while Mary listened to Jesus preach at His feet. Do we see ourselves in them? Two hardworking fresh graduates, David and Ah Se, were employed by a firm at the same time. Both of them were motivated and enthusiastic. David was a diligent young man, working tirelessly every day, sometimes working overtime to complete his tasks. In the end, he did not have time to communicate with his superior and establish a connection, for he was too tied up each day. Ah Se on the other hand often went to his superior to understand work requirements and expected results. Under such guidance, Ah Se finished his tasks effortlessly and even had free time to chat with the boss over tea. As time passed, Ah Se established a good relationship with
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the latter, and they could work together better. Unhappy that the boss did not delegate tasks to Ah Se, David felt wronged. He thought of Ah Se as a flatterer. To be honest, when I started working, I was like David, working so tirelessly every day that I lost track of time. I was confident; I assumed my efforts would lead me to a hard-earned promotion. The result was opposite to what I thought: my career remained stagnant. Why did colleagues who often spent time with our superior succeed? Was it because of flattery they received a promotion? As time went by, I realised that they were not flattering but, instead, learning from our boss. With this, they managed
I realised that they were not flattering but, instead, learning from our boss.
to establish a connection with the latter. They understood his direction, objective, and the expected outcome to be generated from work. That was why they could work efficiently, yielding results that were up to standard. The trust built between our superior and them led to a delegation of more significant tasks, and they could start making decisions for the company. Our discussion is not limited to David’s and Ah Se’s efficiency and attitude towards work. We are not reprimanding David for being busy with company matters; we simply feel that he needs to sort out his priorities. Working is not only about being trapped in it. We should not be conceited and forget about building relationships. Take some time to communicate and understand the company requirements. Working will be way more efficient, and efforts will be recognised.
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The Next Generation to Become Brilliant Administrators (Employees)
We are often prejudiced against the new generation: they cannot endure hardships, are unwilling to work in low-hierarchy levels and look down on underpaid and powerless jobs. Also perceived as a generation of nepotism and arrogance, they love to be well-connected and expect to handle tasks independently without considering their limited experience and capabilities. However, do these stereotypes weave an actual description of contemporary young people? After all, we should not tar everyone of them with the same brush. I believe the work style of the young generation is closely knitted with the culture of their upbringing. Since the ‘90s, we have been living in an information-dense era where data and answers are now within our fingertips. It might have taken us a whole day or week of intensive research in the past to get them. That is why we cannot juxtapose the work style of the previous generation with that of the next! It is definitely an unfair comparison. Nevertheless, in an age of information explosion, many virtues that were once considered to be the key to success are now forgotten. Most of the young
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people are lacking a foundation for life and work, that should be built on principles and truth, to face the problems they encounter. They frequently conform to the mainstream culture without a critical mind and go aimlessly with the flow. Other than making a living and having fun in life, they are unclear about their purpose and goals of their existence in this world. Such ignorance prods young people to avoid responsibilities when they come across obstacles. Running away from problems or sweeping them under the carpet, they let matters pile up and take up all of the space. When such issues eventually result in losses for the company, the culprits resign and leave behind the mess for other workers! That is why I have organised many training sessions that focus on cultivating the next generation’s character instead of work skills. I hope they are capable of facing, solving and winning against challenges in life. One of my managers could not understand my actions and asked me, “Boss, why do you insist on building up our character? Will having a good character earn more revenue for the company? Is there a relationship between the two?” In fact, character development is crucial for the next generation to become brilliant administrators. I am successful if I can train outstanding leaders! I long to witness the success and glorious achievements of the young employees in my company, so much so they could surpass me: the pupil outperforms the master! I believe the company can only develop further with the birth of more leaders who foresee new visions! How should we equip the new generation in preparation for the leading
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position, and train them to excellence? It is a long and painful journey. We have to teach them and be present by their side while they grow, becoming a role model ourselves to influence them. By encouraging them to lead themselves, they will be able to make the right decision regardless of any circumstance and setback! They will become active members of society, family, clubs and organisations who strive to benefit their affiliations, achieving results that indicate a wholesome, full and meaningful life! When the next generation is able to grow continuously and guide themselves to become the “right” candidate, they will understand how to lead others, eventually transforming into an outstanding leader who will bring the company’s operation to the
When the next generation is able to grow continuously and guide themselves to become the “right” candidate, they will understand how to lead others.
next level! May we all possess a heart like David that makes such a vow to God: “Even when I am old and grey, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.” (Psalms 71:18)
Chapter 3
Mentality Can Make or Break You
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Innovate Ideas; Inherit Traditions
As a kid, watching movies had familiarised me with names of places such as Shanghai Beach, Peace Hotel etc. During my business trip to Shanghai, I specifically posed for a photo that depicts the early days and tales of Shanghai as a memento. Does it not give off a quaint feel? Although the model is not exactly eye candy, the Shanghainese fashion and panorama make him look rather good as a whole! Does he look like the Shanghainese “Big Brother” back in those days? I have not been a “Big Brother” for many years, though! As the Chinese saying goes, “The older is the ginger, the spicier it is,” which means “the older, the wiser”. Many people are aware of the copious beneficial effects of ginger on our body, which become increasingly effective with older, spicier ones. Nevertheless, to maximise its effects, we should first understand the correct way of using ginger.
Suppose you are getting older, but you indulge in your past successes, refusing to innovate and refine ideas. You will become “spicier” for the wrong reasons.
There is a common misunderstanding regarding the meaning of
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becoming “spicier”. Suppose you are getting older, but you indulge in your past successes, refusing to innovate and refine ideas. You will become “spicier” for the wrong reasons. Not only will your mind be fossilised, but also all your value and effects will be lost. You will become obsolete. Therefore, your mindset must grow “spicier”—in the correct way. Be open towards new technology; think it through;
innovate, improve and
update ideas; so that you can continue to venture forward while still making beneficial impacts. It is like how the clothing of that Shanghainese era, which I was wearing, coupled with the right background maximises this photo’s effect of reminiscence about the old days.
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Mindset Makes Success
Wu Zetian, a Chinese empress regnant during the Tang Dynasty, has proven that success is not gender-dependent; Lim Goh Tong, founder of Genting Highlands Casino in Malaysia, has proven that success is not age-dependent; Zhu Yuanzhang, a Chinese emperor during the Ming Dynasty, has proven that success is not parentage-dependent; Li Ka-shing, a Hongkongese business magnate, has proven that success is not education-dependent.
These people above have verified with facts that their success comes with an unconventional mindset. If a monkey was given a gold bar and a banana, which one would it choose? I believe most of us would expect it to choose the banana! The science behind it is simple. The banana can be eaten and enjoyed immediately to fix the monkey’s appetite, whereas the inedible gold bar cannot fill its stomach. If the monkey could think further, a gold bar can be
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traded for bananas so many that it could not possibly finish for a lifetime, I suppose? If it were “smarter”, it could break the gold bar into parts to exchange for a portion of bananas, and invest the rest of the gold to earn returns. Then, it could swap the profits it would have made for bananas that it could not possibly finish for a few lifetimes. The reason the monkey chooses the banana instead of the gold bar has nothing to do with the monkey’s gender, age or race but its mindset. If you were to choose between a platform that has growth potential and another that brings you instantaneous profits, what would your decision be? I believe many people would opt for the latter. It generates immediate results, after all. Not many of us are aware that a suitable platform is capable of providing us with long-term revenues. The majority is short-sighted and eager for quick success. That is why many people take shortcuts by joining courses like “earning overnight wealth”, hoping to fast-forward till the day they become a multimillionaire! Too bad there is no free lunch in this world. Some people might also purchase welfare lotteries to earn a pool of cash. I have met a lorry driver who had won the lottery grand prize. He immediately bought a bungalow, several branded cars and all kinds of luxury products for his family and him, living a lavish and extravagant lifestyle. Five years later, I ran into him again: he was back to square one working as a lorry driver. Why so? The reason is bluntly direct—he did not have the correct mindset. No dreams, no proper platforms, no wisdom and no effort or price paid to sustain constant self-improvement.
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I had a good friend who wanted to learn from me how to expand his business and generate more revenue. Indeed, he had dreams and was willing to work hard, but why did his business remain stagnant at a particular stage? Why did it stop burgeoning? I shared with him that he had to ditch his old mindset, broaden his knowledge and strengthen his resilience. He needed to recruit and train up talented people over time. Also, for the team to generate effective results, he must put
Ditch your old mindset, broaden your knowledge and strengthen your resilience. You need to recruit and train up talented people over time. Put your faith in and allow employees to play to their strengths.
his faith in and allow employees to play to their strengths. It is vital to possess the correct mindset to achieve excellence. Start your journey by embracing your dreams and searching for the best platform. Along the course, guard your heart of wisdom while instilling focus and effort into completing your goals. Success will not be far from you.
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Mentality Can Make or Break You
Regardless of whether you are successful, the most crucial factor is your mentality. On your journey to your dreams and success, ineluctable big or small difficulties will come. The mentality you adopt to face these challenges will determine how many accomplishments you can achieve and how far you can go. Once upon a time, two donkeys fell into two separate dry wells by accident. They cried and wailed in the well for a few days, hoping to attract passersby to their rescue. Soon, a farmer passed by the wells. Seeing them, he grabbed his shovel to fill one of the wells with soil. The first donkey howled with terror, “I’m going to be buried alive! It’s worse than falling into this well!” The farmer had to stop shovelling as the creature yowled miserably. He turned to another well and repeated his actions. At first, the second donkey also cried with fright, but soon after it quietened down, shaking off the soil on its body to tramp on it. Repeating its actions, the earth beneath it rose and brought it nearer to the opening of the well. Not long after, it reached the top and leapt out of the well, trotting away instantly.
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Sometimes, we may be like the donkeys in the story. We are stuck in a dilemma where self-help does no good at all, and we hope for someone to give us a hand, or a turn of events so that we can release ourselves from this situation. If we are like the prejudiced, narrow-minded donkey that was too obstinate to change, too proud to learn or try new ways, even our godsent helper will not be able to help us. Opportunities will not arise from our crisis either. In contrast, because the second donkey had the right, optimistic and proactive mentality, it soon understood the farmer’s intentions. It gave its full cooperation for self-rescue, and so it did come out of the well. The second donkey is your role model. Equipped with the right mentality in challenging situations, you should be open to never-thought but feasible methods and suggestions.
Equipped with the right mentality in challenging situations, you should be open to never-thought but feasible methods and suggestions.
Do not continue with a known but ineffective mindset. Do not refuse to change. Obstinacy will impair your life habits and decision-making ability; make you a difficult person to work with; and create bottlenecks that prevent you from further advancing. From the story above, we see the adverse impacts a wrong mentality can have on a person. That is why we should self-reflect more often, aiming to practise humble, positive open-mindedness towards various solutions and styles. Then, we must turn it into insights to ponder on while we seek for self-transformation. With that, our life and career will have the vitality to welcome favourable turns.
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The Right Mentality
After writing “Mentality Can Make or Break You”, I felt the need to share with you what is the right mentality. The following are some positive mindsets that we will look into!
1. The mentality of an empty cup Will your cup be able to hold lemon juice if it already contains apple juice? Of course not. However, if you discard the apple juice, you will be left with an empty cup that can be filled with any other liquid. Hence, you should let go of some old mindsets, knowledge, experience and past glories such as status, wealth and honours before re-embarking on your journey to learn new things for continuous self-improvement.
2. The mentality of humility Students with excellent results should not boast after graduating. They must dedicate themselves to their career to achieve outstanding accomplishments. If they can take off the top-student badge and humble themselves to learn, they will
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be able to seize many opportunities and receive recognition from their superior. Even when they are successful in the future, they will continue to learn with humility because they realise learning never stops. Arrogance and pomposity will not overtake them.
3. The mentality of looking forward Genuinely successful people will march on without constant reviews of their past glories that hinder their progress. Feeling complacent about your achievements will keep you lingering in the past, and you stop growing. You eventually become someone who sings your own praises (self-glorification), who is conceited about your seniority. Obstinacy seeps through you over time, and you may find yourself lamenting over how your golden days had once been. At the same time, you feel inferior as you can no longer produce something great, so you try to prove your worth and confidence by putting others down.
4. The mentality of a big heart There is no perfect human in the world. Hence, you should have a forgiving heart to select your team by evaluating their strengths instead of criticising their weaknesses. Anything has a good and bad side to it. For instance, a cup appears to be round when you look from the top, but it resembles a cylinder from the side view. Once, a man found a white pearl with a tiny black spot on it. In an attempt to remove the blemish, he used a steel knife to peel it off layer by layer. Who knew that it came from the deep core of the pearl. He peeled and peeled
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until the black spot was finally gone— and so did the pearl turn into dust. In a team, scrutinising your members will lead you nowhere. Having the mentality of a big heart means to give more
Give more encouragement, rounds of applause and praises; and less criticism, scoldings and complaints.
encouragement, rounds of applause and praises; and less criticism, scoldings and complaints. I believe compliments and encouragement are effective methods to draw out the maximum potential of a person.
5. The mentality of a team Successful people are not islands; they will not have done it without the support, care and help from his teammates. Failure begins when a person grows arrogant after attaining small achievements and refuses to cooperate with other people to protect oneself. This individual heroism that should not be encouraged is the main culprit behind failures. Truly successful people will fathom the importance of a team. The deceased king of steel Andrew Carnegie’s epitaph reads: “Here lies a man who knew how to enlist the service of better men than himself.”
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6. The mentality of a calm heart It is easy to lose your temper when things are not favourable, leading to many illogical, irrational events that you will deeply regret afterwards. There is an aphorism: “The weak control their actions by thoughts; the strong control their thoughts by actions.” Successful people try their best to remain calm and unaffected every day, reserving a separate, tranquil emotional space deep down their hearts, to face every challenge with placidness.
7. The mentality of normality No matter sunshine or rain, success or failure, maintain a positive, optimistic attitude towards all things. If many competitors have opened on the same street as your shop, channelling your revenue, you could seek other solutions. An impasse is followed by change, and change will lead to a solution. Take it easy; there is no need to be exhilarated about current success, nor to despair when you encounter many impediments.
8. The mentality of never giving up Successful people do not settle on trivial gains or losses, successes or failures. Success is undoubtedly essential as it can act as a driving force, but failure is not intimidating. It is worse to lose vitality! You must be
Success is undoubtedly essential as it can act as a driving force, but failure is not intimidating. It is worse to lose vitality!
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down-to-earth and hardworking while regularly encouraging yourself. Try one more time, take one more step, and success lies in improving little by little every day. While the world gapes at his success, he with humility knew he had yet a great room for improvement. Never give up till victory: this is the mentality of Malaysia’s prominent badminton player Datuk Wira Lee Chong Wei that drives him to become world’s number one.
9. The mentality of turning crisis into opportunity Risk and rare chances co-exist and, generally speaking, the larger the risk, the better the chance. What will be left to earn if people thronged low-risk or norisk investments? The first victory of successful people is usually forced out of them. When a crisis struck, they had no other alternatives but to risk everything they had before finally winning their success. Risk is an inevitable part of life that they have grown used to along their journey of overcoming obstacles and enduring hardships, also picking up skills such as early preparation for the future and the art of management and entrepreneurship. Those who embody all of the attitudes listed above are the true warriors. While they may look easy-going and low-profile on the outside, they undoubtedly have a stoic heart on the inside, unbothered to boast about their past successes but will proceed further with the right mentality to create a better future.
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Do Not Worry About Tomorrow
Once upon a time, there was a woman with two sons. The elder son sold umbrellas in the town, while the younger sold ice-cream. When it rained, everyone needed an umbrella, and while she was happy for her elder son, she was worried for the younger one not being able to sell his ice-cream. On hot days, everyone liked to eat ice-cream, which contributed a lot to the younger son’s business. Although the woman was glad for him, she was again fretting upon the stagnant sales of her elder son’s umbrellas. All year round, she worried every day and was beset with anxiety. There was not one night she could have a good sleep. Do you have friends who are like this woman? Or are you an anxious person yourself? One of my friends in Melbourne is. She cannot make up her mind as she feared the consequences that would arise from her decision. Worry got the better of her so much that she was “paralysed”, living in everyday ordeals without good appetite or proper sleep. This friend of mine was always caught in the middle; she could not bear to sacrifice anything and therefore was constantly seeking for advice.
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However, people living in Australia usually will not tell you precisely what you should do. They might analyse the situation and the possible outcomes out of their goodwill, but no one will decide for you. They do not want to be held liable in the future. In Australia, the norm is that everyone should be responsible for one’s personal life and decisions. That was why my friend could not make any decision that satisfied her even after consulting many people. Every time I went back to Melbourne, she would pour out her heart to me, but there was not much that I could do either. Although I empathised with her and understood her dilemma, struggles and misery, I never agreed on her mindset and ways of life. She wished everything to be perfect; everyone involved was to tolerate her and give her a chance, every event to progress exactly in the way she hoped for. As for her family, she wanted her husband and children to live their lives according to her wishes. Alas, how was it possible for the world to revolve around her? She was bound to be disappointed and unhappy, owing to her mindset and ways of life. My friend ascribed most problems to other people. Whenever I tried to give her some advice, she would have many human-related, environmental excuses to prove that she was not in control. I have once sternly reprimanded her, telling her to be responsible for her own dilemma because she could change no one but herself. If she wanted to alleviate problems, she had
In order for a person to grow, one must deal with one’s weaknesses.
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to take up all responsibility, acknowledge her weaknesses and faults and change her ways. She must actively seek a solution and put in great effort to achieve it. It would undoubtedly be difficult, but in order for her to grow, she must deal with her weaknesses. Nevertheless, my friend was too obstinate to change! Lately, I have finally realised that I should guard myself against her negativity. I spoke to her frankly. I had to limit the frequency of our meetups and calls because I did not want to be her emotional rubbish bin! Her endless complaints had adverse effects on me. I was not a professional counsellor anyway! I imagined her to be cross at me when I spoke to her about it. She might even sever ties with me. Who knew she still liked me a lot—I did not know how I should react to this. Although I cannot transform my friend, I am responsible for my emotional health. Drawing healthy boundaries and adopting suitable measures to communicate are duties that I will not shirk to protect my mental health. I hope this precious aphorism will dawn on my friend so that she no longer lives in constant worries but, instead, lives out a whole new life.
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Walk Out of Your Comfort Zone
There was a year when a car accident caused the severe dislocation of my wrist. My wrist had to be put in a cast nested in a sling across my shoulder for more than a month. When the plaster cast was removed, I could not straighten my hand. The maximum I could go was a ninety-degree angle, similar to when I had been wearing a cast. The doctor arranged physiotherapy sessions for me, where I suffered a great deal before completely recovering after half a year. From this incident, I learned that my hand would stiffen when it was at total rest in the cast for a long time. Even when the plaster of Paris was removed, it could not move about freely. I had to endure a whole lot of pain to restore agility to my hand. I noticed that in life, if you do not absorb new ideas for further growth, reliving the same mindset and tasks every day pins you in your comfort zone. Flexibility, agility and learning ability of the mind are lost. I cannot allow myself to be a person who no longer grows and learns because it is a waste of my life not to. Therefore, after quitting work in 2012 to take care of my family, I vowed to continue learning and improving. Not
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only did I read frequently and try new things to elaborate my thinking capacity and skills, but also strive for more efficient, effective, challenging methods to complete tasks, while using lesser resources in the process. With that, I found myself growing every year. When I look back, I am full of gratitude and joy for my current state, at the same time looking forward to my future self. I want to encourage you to walk out of your comfort zone so that you grow continuously, eventually becoming a better you. No matter your age, no matter your employment status, you have the unlimited potential to create a miracle in life. Do not allow yourself to pause here. All the best!
Walk out of your comfort zone so that you grow continuously, eventually becoming a better you.
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Prior to Success Is to Change Yourself!
A raven met a dove heading back to home during its journey. The dove asked, “Where are you going?” The raven replied, “I’m leaving this place because everyone thinks my voice sounds horrible.” The dove told the raven, “Don’t even bother! You won’t be welcomed anywhere else if you don’t change your voice.” The moral of the story: if you do not transform yourself, you will end up with the same fate no matter where you go. One of my interview questions is “Why do you want to leave your company to join us?” If the interviewee complains about his current company, thinking that the new company will be better, he will not get the job. He will not find any company suitable for him if he does not change himself. There is no perfect company in the world, as he expects. A businessman set up a petrol station in a small town, and his business was booming. Not long after, the second businessman arrived at the town to open a restaurant., while the third came to run a supermarket. The town flourished in no time. In another village, the same thing happened: a businessman started up a petrol station that was also earning as much
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revenue. His business attracted the second, third, fourth businessmen to open more petrol stations, resulting in unhealthy competition, and everyone’s sales ended up performing poorly. The moral of the story: jumping on the bandwagon without thinking it through will bring you to a dead end.
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When I started my business, I struggled a lot whether to venture into a new specialisation. I did not want to give up my customers, I had more than a decade’s experience in the industry I was familiar with, and I definitely could make a living out of my expertise at that time. At least I would not starve! Moreover, it was better to do something familiar than new. In contrast, if I were to develop new markets, there were all sorts of challenges waiting, and I would not be in control of those never-encountered situations. Everything would be new: customers, market strategies, business operations, applied knowledge etc. I would be lying if I said I was not afraid! Nevertheless, since I decided to make a change, I persisted without giving up, no matter the situation. Now that I recollect, I appreciate that I had chosen a new specialisation. I did not stay in my comfort zone. Otherwise, I could be bringing myself to a deadend, exhausting myself but yielding far fewer results with over-invested efforts. If you hope everything around you to become better, you must start by changing yourself. Only five per cent of the population succeed
If you hope everything around you to become better, you must start by changing yourself.
because they have a different mindset and attitude than the remaining ninetyfive per cent. Let us learn the following together to alter our mindset!
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Fight not because opportunities have come, But fight so that opportunities will come. Commit not because you have grown, But commit so that you will grow. Improve not because you have succeeded, But improve so that you will succeed. Thank not because you have gained, But thank so that you will gain. Learn not because you have earned money, But learn so that you earn. You succeed not because you have advantages, But you want to succeed, so you created them. (Adapted from the internet)
Face all challenges and setbacks with a brave heart. Never run away from problems. If this path does not work, pave your own, brand-new path instead. Your experience from failures will give you wisdom, so do not be afraid to try. I will end this with Jack Ma’s earnest reminder: “Don’t wake up every day to continue down the old path when you have dreamt of a thousand new ones every night.”
Chapter 4
Stand in Someone Else’s Shoes; Give Mutual Respect
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How to Win Respect?
During the early stages of acquaintance, people behave appropriately with respect towards each other out of basic politeness. As this reverence is unconditionally given, it is bound to go through intense ordeals in future interaction, engagement and cooperation. Three years ago, an administrative director resigned from my husband’s company. Part of his job was delegated to employees from other departments, and I, as a four-year housewife, was in charge of remuneration every month. Although I worked from home, monthly communication and collaboration were mandatory. At that time, the employees regarded me as the wife of their boss, who became their superior all of a sudden without having to work from the office. On the outside, they gave me enough respect and treated me with civility, but it was inevitable they doubted my abilities. They were worried that I might condescend to them due to my superiority in rank, leading to an increase in their workload, or blame my mistakes on them when problems arise, giving them extra trouble. If I were exactly as what they had depicted, would they not give me a good scolding in their hearts and
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strip off their minimal respect for me? In the beginning, I did face certain challenges at work, but these were opportunities to prove my ability. During my collaboration with my colleagues, I aspire to walk an extra mile for everything so that my job is completed properly in an effective way. Also, I gave my full support when they were in need. At last, I won not only their genuine respect but also my self-esteem and joy. Undoubtedly, I could have dictated them to respect me, cooperate with me, submit to me by abusing my power as the wife of their boss, or as the shareholder of the company. I could have been too conceited with my past achievements to sharpen my skills. I could have prolonged my stay in my comfort zone, doing as little work as possible, losing the chance for a change while I refuse to self-reflect. I could have ignored the expectations and feelings of the employees because I was their head—they should bear with me. I could have boasted all my contributions to the company to justify my idle enjoyment of the fruits of others’ labour. However, employing these attitudes and actions would drown me in the tide of times. I would inevitably be eliminated from the game. One day, uprising stars would replace me to become the pillar of the company. It would be a sadder event to see myself extinguishing the enthusiasm in my heart, dragging an exhausted heart to work every day, unaware of where I came from and where I should go, so full of defeat that I lose the respect of my colleagues. I did not want to end up like that, so I made a resolution to read and
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learn continuously, adopt a new mindset, expand my skill set and develop a good working attitude. Sparing no effort in striving for the benefits for the company, the appreciation in value and growth of the company are my goals. With great rank and position comes great responsibility. My doings must be compatible with the authority
With great rank and position comes great responsibility.
delegated to me by the company and the expectations of my colleagues towards this position. Just like Spider-Man, who toil restlessly at work without being comprehended, but remained loyal to the dedicated mission and vision, we make ordinary lives extraordinary. As time passes by, the people around us will recognise our ability and value, only too happy to collaborate with us, and we will win their respect for ourselves. Other than work, I keep the same attitude at home or with friends by trying to live a joyful and abundant life. By being responsible for myself, I can be both independent and dependent on others in life, thoughts and affections, turning into a blessing for my husband, daughter, family and friends. Remember, Spider-Man is no longer Spider-Man when he stops. If he is neither a hero nor a spider, what is he left with? Perhaps only a meaningless costume! We should continue to grow so that enthusiasm fills our life and work, giving ourselves better days to live by! What my wife has shared above reminded me of my first job during the days of my working for others (also my last job). That time, I had just been promoted to manager and was eager to close deals with new clients
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for better performance. I delegated this task to a subordinate of mine who had a few years’ work experience. Unexpectedly, he told me that he was too incompetent for the task. I suggested that we do it together, allowing him to pick a new customer as a start. Alas, he chose the most notoriously difficult client to test my ability as the new manager. Although my performance had been excellent over the years, and I had experience in connecting with new customers, he did not believe that I could succeed. With him by my side, when I finally turned the troublesome client into one of the major buyers from our company, he dared not refuse the tasks I gave him ever since. My conduct and accomplishments had won his respect! Most people will agree that subordinates or colleagues should respect the manager. That is why they assume everyone should accept and cooperate with them when they are promoted to manager. I beg to differ. All your colleagues are staring at you with sharp eyes, expecting you to accomplish something. Can you show them competent ambition and wisdom? Can you show them operational, managerial and leadership skills that are compatible with your position? You get a promotion because your company recognises your contributions. Still, you must continue to work hard to give a better performance so that your colleagues will not have resents or doubts. They will not criticise that you do not deserve this position or refuse to cooperate with you. With a proper role model, living up to expectations will win you respect from others, and you will only need half the effort to achieve twice the result, like a duck to water in work and life!
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Stand in Someone Else’s Shoes; Give Mutual Respect
There was a farm that brood a sheep, a cow and a pig. One day, the farmer pulled the fat, groomed pig out for slaughter, but it wailed and squeaked while desperately struggling to get free. The cow who had been onlooking reproached, “Idiot! What’s the fuss? Doesn’t the farmer always pull me out for milking, then bring me back?” The sheep piped up, “That’s right! The farmer always brings me out so that he can shear my fleece. He leads me back afterwards. No need to make a scene out of it!” The pig wept, “I’m being pulled out for slaughter! I won’t ever come back...” It sobbed. Just like the cow and sheep in the story, we often think narrowmindedly from our perspectives, presumptuously criticising others for not understanding obvious universal truths. If you would stand in other people’s shoes, you could emphasise with their feelings and understand their logic. If the cow and sheep could take the perspective of the pig, they would understand the despair and danger the pig had faced instead of making sarcastic comments. I am a perfectionist who demands excellence in everything I do, am
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highly dedicated to tasks I am responsible for and grabs every opportunity that crosses my path. At the same time, I feel everyone else around me should be like me. That is why my dogmatism often gets the better of me. I do not take other people’s feelings into account, nor do I stand in their shoes. My colleagues have had a hard time working with me, as they have not felt any feelings of accomplishment in doing so. When I started to reflect upon myself, I realised everyone is unique in their opinions, thoughts and working styles, so I gradually picked up the skill of standing in other people’s shoes and respecting their two cents.
Conflicts of interests happen between people mainly because everyone only sees things from his or her perspective while disregarding the feelings of others.
Conflicts of interests happen between people mainly because everyone only sees things from his or her perspective while disregarding the feelings of others, leading to debates and fights. As the senior
manager of the company, I have to deal with many internal disputes. I first have to listen closely to both parties and try to see things through their eyes respectively, making an effort to interpret their stands. After that, I will talk to them to acquaint both sides with each other’s considerations, formulating a win-win solution together. If everyone could try to think from a different point of view, life would be way better. Standing in someone else’s shoes and practising mutual respect is to respect yourself.
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Stand Your Ground to Win Respect
You must hold your principles when you deal with affairs in life. You must be a person who stands his or her ground. I am often perceived as a “selfrighteous person” who hails principles above all. Be it dealing with people or incidents, I never try to please the public; instead, I believe sticking to my principles and standing firmly on my ground will one day win me recognition and respect. Am I as arrogant as they say? One of the principles I have stuck to is having a basic level of respect for others. It includes respecting differences, wishes and the personal space that exist across individuals. I will not invade their space without obtaining their consent beforehand, no matter how pompous or well-meaning my intention might be. It is simply disrespectful to do so. My second principle is to talk directly to the person when I feel offended or dislike their behaviour. A frank conversation solves the problem. I do not suppress my discontentment and play the victim. I do not act as though nothing is wrong on the outside while really holding a grudge on the inside. That is pretentious! Lately, an agent-cum-friend who has served us for a long time brought
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a complete stranger to our house, without obtaining our approval beforehand. Her reason was that she needed a friend to act as a chauffeur because her car has broken down. She did not notify us in advance or get our permission. Instead, she assumed it was alright to occupy our space with a friend of hers whom we did not know. She was not aware of the inappropriateness. Hence, we ended our meeting earlier than usual as we were unwilling to talk any longer. Many people make this mistake without themselves knowing it. For example, one of the members brought an outsider during a family dinner without any pre-notice. Or accepting a request on their friend’s behalf without first consulting the person in question. Or frequently asking their friend out, taking up their precious time, even though the latter has made it clear that he or she is busy. Also, making empty promises is a disrespect to the faith others have in you. These situations usually happen with people whom you are well acquainted with. Many assume that trivial matters do not matter because they are close enough with one another. Their friend who gets angry is a mean cheapskate! Unbeknownst to them, these are the little affairs that brush off the wishes of others, that wrecks mutual trust, that ruins their friendship! The day they discover their friends are decreasing by number is the day they reap what they sow! We might hear people say, “Different people; different views.” It is as if this sentence is a good excuse. They would not need to empathise with the true feelings of others, or act according to the principle of right and
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wrong. They could pretend nothing has happened and live on by cheating themselves. That is why you need to voice your feelings. Stand your ground when you feel offended by their actions. This is a crucial and healthy practice! If they are willing to acknowledge the negative effects their actions have imposed on you, you can resolve your misunderstanding and carry on with the connection. Otherwise, you discover their actual colour and must decide whether to remain as friends. Living in a community that is part of the society, you must become a good member that is accountable for yourself and responsible to others. This is not only one of the ethics the community generally practises, but also a principle and a stand you should hold. Remember, a cultured individual always “respects”! You lose the respect of others when you do not respect them. It will eventually reflect on your character and determine how far you can go, how high up you can fly.
You lose the respect of others when you do not respect them.
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Do Not Judge A Person by One’s Profile
Wise men in the past had always reminded us not to judge a person by one’s appearance. It means that a pretty or handsome face does not necessarily guarantee a noble heart. Suppose you meet someone with a “peculiar” appearance. Having preconceived ideas, you might jump to the conclusion that he is not a good person. Thankfully, with the advancement of our society, many of us now agree that such thoughts are unfair. After all, no one is able to choose or decide how he or she looks. Nonetheless, we live in a material-driven era that pursues fame and titles. Although we are comparatively sensible enough not to judge by one’s looks, we inevitably gauge others by their profile. Someone well-educated, high on the social ladder, awarded many official or unofficial titles, loaded with designer labels and luxuries are deemed as a successful or kind-hearted person. Hence people with malicious intentions abuse this stereotype. For example, snatch thieves would lean out of the window of a luxurious car and attack unsuspecting pedestrians. Will you not let down your guard when a shiny new BMW, instead of a motorcycle, is approaching you?
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There was once I chatted with a new acquaintance over tea. Handsome, well-educated and wearing designer clothes, his bragging to me of how he earned instant wealth impressed me deeply. I was nearly captivated by his words and felt the urge to give it a go. Nevertheless, a sound voice in my heart reminded me about the nature of free lunches in this world. How could an investment that easily earns instant wealth exist? If what he said were true, the world would be free of poverty. I believe we have similar experiences where our companions use flowery language, good looks and outstanding titles to attract us. We want to earn easy money, so they take advantage of our induced greed for their own gain. Therefore, in order not to suffer significant losses, one should never be a snob! I give my utmost respect to those who give without expecting returns. They are worthy of us to learn from them. A truly competent person maintains a low profile with the virtue of humility. Quoting Li Ka-shing, he said, “Keep a low profile but be devoted to working.” Let us learn to become a person who does not judge others by “looks” and “profile”.
A truly competent person maintains a low profile with the virtue of humility.
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I Am Not a Good Person
Once my friend thanked me and said I was a good person for helping her. I replied that I was not a good person. Nonplussed, she gaped at me and did not know how to react to my reply. Actually, I do not want to be a good person but a kind, principled individual in the eyes of others. My friend asked, “Are these two any different?” Of course they are! A “good person” is too considerate to reject requests from or to pick a fight with other people. He will suck it all up even when he is unhappy, at the cost of suppressing his emotions so much that it inflicts emotional damages on himself. Without any principles or bottom lines, he caters to requests no matter what. Such a yes-man might please people at first, earning him praises, but he will soon be taken for granted and have his existence forgotten by others. Lacking principles and bottom lines lose the basic respect you have from other people because you pamper others while exploiting yourself.
Emerson said, “Your goodness must have some edge to it—else it is none.
Emerson said, “Your goodness must have some edge to it—else it is none.” The kinder someone is, the
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higher should one’s principles and bottom lines hold. This is to avoid spoiling others and also to protect yourself. Before you promise to help, you should have an overview of the matter so that you evaluate whether your intervention will nurture other people to grow. Your helping hand should not foster their unhealthy dependence on you. It also should not take away their room for training and taking up responsibilities. When you disregard your rules and principles to help them out, will your soft-heartedness harm them or, worse, put them in grave danger? Other than that, you should consider your ability, resources and overall personal circumstance. Blindly making a promise can hurt you or get yourself into trouble. As for some insignificant requests, be frank with other people when you cannot or do not want to help. There is no need in compelling yourself to become a people-pleaser. Nor should you force other people to accept your hospitality, if they did not ask you for help for something that they would not like or appreciate. I prefer a kind, wise and courageous individual with principles to a good person. Insist on sticking to your bottom lines. Reserve your right to say no and boldly brace yourself to face criticism from other people. You will be like a duck to water in interpersonal relationships and live a better-composed life.
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A Game of Comparison and Self-Improvement
Humans love to compare. There was once I praised my younger daughter, “You are very clever.” My elder daughter immediately complained, “That means I’m not smart!” Certainly not! I did not mean anything like that, nor was I comparing one girl to another. Nevertheless, it was not their fault because it is in human nature to compare ourselves to others, even if others are not doing so! I remember saying to my husband, “My dear, my performance for this month is outstanding.” Instead of praising me, I did not expect him to say, “Mine is better!” I was left speechless. My dear husband was closing big deals while I only dealt with small ones. Of course his performance would be better than mine! I lived in Melbourne for seven years. One year, I came back to Malaysia for vacation and ran into a friend of my elders. Upon knowing I was living in Melbourne, her words poured out like a flood. She talked about her child who also resided there, but that she did not like the place at all, and listed a bucket list of reasons for her dislike. As I listened, I agreed with her earnestly that it was best to live in Malaysia, and she immediately stopped talking. It
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was understandable, since I indirectly implied how foolish I had been to live in Melbourne. Once, my friend from Australia who was single returned to Malaysia for holidays. Indignant and furious, she complained to me regarding her experience of accompanying her father to a dinner gathering. Through the night, the seniors had gossiped about whose daughter married off the best, achieved the most in her career, owned the happiest family etc. My friend felt like a failure. I told her, “Next time, you should degrade yourself and say you are good-for-nothing. They will not pester you anymore. This is taking one step back to move two steps forward. Quite an efficient strategy that you can try out. But first, you must have a gentle and humble heart. You must not mind caving in temporarily in exchange for a moment’s peace.” Some young friends told me that social media like Facebook flourishing had brought them pressure. If someone moved to a new house, bought a new car, went on a business trip overseas, received a promotion or gave birth to a baby, he or she would update his or her status online as soon as possible. My friends felt embarrassed for not being able to share something worthy of showing off. Still, this is easy to solve. Shut down Facebook, take proper control of your life, and your days would be harmonious and happy. If you insist on comparing yourself to someone, compete with yourself from yesterday or yourself from last year! This game of comparison has engaged everyone either directly or indirectly, and its players seem to be savouring the game. After all, the ultimate
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goal of this game is to increase your personal value or, at least, be better than everyone, is it not so? However, your actual value lies in yourself who is created in God’s glorious image, who is redeemed with a huge price paid
We are all loved and treasured by God, where each and every one of us is special in His eyes.
by our lord Jesus’ crucifixion on the cross. We are all loved and treasured by God, where each and every one of us is special in His eyes. Your unique
value is irreplaceable because He has dedicated to you a mission and role different from everyone else’s, something that only you specifically can accomplish. Why would you need to compare yourself to others? How can you compare an apple to an orange? We often forget that we are all unique and feel we must be better than everyone else in order to have personal value. “Everyone has his merits and faults.” If you insist on using measuring yourself to other people’s merits, will you ever be content? The Bible teaches us to humble ourselves without competing with others. Instead, we should value others more than ourselves. With that, you will live a life of open-mindedness, joy and peace. Let us meditate on Philippians 2:3[NIV]. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
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The Beauty of Balance
A general rule in this universe is the law of balance. Extremism will produce counter-effects on anything, even when applied on something beneficial and meaningful. This is known as “things at their extremes will result in opposite outcomes”! When word has it that certain foods are good for our bodies, some people will consume in large quantities or even every meal. If reports of specific foods are harmful to our health circulate among us, people might cut down their consumption or cut these foods out of their diet completely. Nevertheless, be it eating more or less, such actions will have detrimental effects on our health—moderate portions or balanced meals are your best option. Striving for excellence is my dream. I tirelessly improve myself by working harder to achieve my goal of perfection. However, when I require everything to be flawless and deem any speck of blemish unacceptable, I gradually became a perfectionist who not only lives in pressure myself but also gives pressure to other people. Striving for excellence is good, but obsessing with it exhausted my spirits and that of the people around me. On the other hand,
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a total laxity in standards will generate perfunctory work and encourage indolent workers to wander aimlessly without
a
goal.
Therefore,
both
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Both extremes would produce undesirable effects as the balance is disrupted.
extremes would produce undesirable effects as the balance is disrupted. King Solomon said, “Over-pursuit of knowledge impoverishes the body and soul.” Many young readers misinterpret this quote out-of-context as an excuse not to pursue knowledge. They assume they are entitled to play and have fun every day, because acquitting knowledge wears out the soul. In fact, the main point of this quote is “over-pursuit” instead of “not to pursue”. Those who are lazy to acquire knowledge will lose their sanity and will. We should take everything in moderation instead of going to the extreme. A newly promoted manager complained to me: he took exceptional care of his subordinates when he became manager, but instead of being praised, he was sometimes criticised and bad-mouthed. After that, he tried to change his management style by strictly sticking to the rules, but his subordinates were equally unhappy. They said he was like “Bao Zheng” (a Chinese politician in the Song Dynasty who displayed extreme honesty and uprightness). He was out of his wits. People often sway their management style from one extreme to another, but the best way to manage workers is to adopt a balance in between the poles. Care for your subordinates when appropriate, be strict with them when necessary, and reprimand them when you need to. Hold on tight to this simple and but practical rule: all your
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decisions should be based on actual incidents instead of personal grudges. Many times our so-called “care” and “kindness” somehow go overboard. For example, it is always a pleasure to meet a friend from afar, and you as the host, in fear of being impolite, try to take good care of your friend by burdening yourself with a packed timetable. You schedule four to five meals a day and cannot help but squeeze all of the possible delicacies and sightseeing into the itinerary. A day goes by and everyone is too worn out to sit down for a proper heartfelt talk. Will it not be better if you reserve some time for each other? Another example: it is not uncommon to see parents who are “desperate to love their kin” packing bags of food and daily supplies for their child who is going overseas for study or work. Does it ever occur to them that their arrangements might cause inconvenience to their children? I have witnessed a mother and son arguing loudly over this matter. Parents mean well, but they leave a bad taste in both their child’s and their mouth. Maybe the young generation today will feel more grateful if parents have given them a “red packet”. Times have changed, and the young generation certainly has differing thoughts from their elders. If both parents and children can make slight adjustments to achieve a balance, they can get along better with lesser mind-burdens. As a human born into this world, to balance everything in our lives is easier said than done. Maybe we should all learn to be more open-minded and accepting of different matters, lowering our expectations for ourselves and others. If we go with the flow and try our best, we can have a balanced mind that has the heart to admire the rising clouds.
Chapter 5
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Control Your Emotions; Master Your Life
Upon waking up in the morning, a father found out his son had broken his beloved vase. He gave his son a good scolding, got into his car and drove off to work in a rage. It was only halfway through his journey did the father realise he had forgotten his briefcase and, with no other choice, headed back home immediately. Alas, standing in front of the door, he discovered he did not have his key with him, so he had to phone his wife, asking her to return home for the sake of unlocking the door. Hurrying to get back home, his wife ran into another car and thus was late for work, earning a reprimand from her superior. The delay caused by the series of events in the morning cost the father an important deal with a customer, to which his displeased boss gave a warning. The son, emotionally unstable after being scolded the father, was again lectured by his teacher for not paying attention to the class. Do you have any similar experience? Were you the father, the wife or the son? Did you feel you were terribly out of luck on that day? If you would look closer and analyse the root cause, it was merely a broken vase. How did it stir up so much trouble? In fact, we often fly into a rage over trivial
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matters without being aware of the
We often fly into a rage over trivial matters without being aware of the possible effects of anger caused by chain reaction.
possible effects of anger caused by chain reaction. Many times an undesirable matter takes up only 10% of a vicious chain reaction. The remaining 90%
comes from your response to this matter. Therefore, you must learn to control your emotions, to tolerate frustrating issues with a heart of humour; otherwise, emotions will overpower you to do things that you will regret in the future. How can you master your life if you cannot control your feelings?
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Manage Your Emotions; Live a Joyful Life
Have you ever gotten a scolding out of the blue? Most of us would have had such a baffling experience, I presume? What was your reaction? Did you indignantly argue or even fight with him? Or did you bear his anger in utter silence while cursing at him in your heart? Was the offender always right? Did the bearer really make grave mistakes? When an argument arises, it is usually less about who is right or wrong, but more about the difference in perspective of both parties. For example, the letter “M” appears like an “M” upright, becomes a “W” upside down and transforms into the number “3” from the side. If you are willing to spend some time comprehending, accepting and respecting a view from someone else that differs from your own, you will have lesser misunderstandings and debates. Of course, sometimes the elder generation, your superiors, colleagues and friends can reprimand your mistakes out of love. However, most of the time, you give or receive scoldings because of the need to vent ungovernable emotions. Today’s pace of life is hectic and uptight due to the chronic burdens and
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immense pressure that weigh heavily on the heart, inducing frustration and depression. Encounters of undesirable or unsuccessful events are enough for emotions to go out of control, with what that seems only logical for such anger to be taken out on someone else. We carelessly blame other people for everything that has distressed us, going on to believe they are at fault for every harm that has been done to us. Not only do we not self-reflect, but we also curse and rant to vent our discontent. It is an unhelpful act to solve a problem but a good one to wreck a relationship, which further inflicts pain and harm on us. It is crucial to manage your emotions. Hold back your tongue when you feel like giving a scolding or are receiving one yourself, breathe in deeply, and calmly count from one to ten. Suppose you believe you are on the verge of losing control. In that case, it is good that you remove yourself from the scene instantly, and only resume your communication with the person when you are more emotionally stabilised. If the person loses control, stay calm and remain silent for him to spill out his feelings. Do not be aroused by his words and never argue with him, for it will be like adding fuel to the fire, escalating the matter to an unending affair. It is best to acknowledge him that you are aware of whatever he is saying and will soon commence solving the problem. If possible, focus on resolving the matter that has infuriated him! When you act in such a manner, you might realise the cause of his lashing out is merely a matter so petty that could be easily solved. In fact, the actual problem that buries deep in his heart so happened to blow up on you, when you were
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innocently passing by his detonated minefield. You are unfortunate, indeed; he, more so. Self-reflection and analysis after receiving a reprimand are more important methodologies that allow you to uncover the root cause in an objective approach, whether it is your problem or his, or both are at fault. If the blame lies with you, you should admit it and change. If it is him, you can tolerate him without taking the fight personally. If both parties are accountable, you should communicate and coordinate with him to resolve the issue. The preferable way is to live in harmony by speaking politely without lashing out at someone. In today’s society, emotional outbreaks elevating into violence are regular news. Everyone has feelings that are positive and negative—positive feelings coupled with the right heart can be of assistance to people; negative sentiments will definitely inflict damage or harm on others. Hence, do not take your negative feelings out on other people, and never allow someone else’s emotions dictate your mood or
do not take your negative feelings out on other people, and never allow someone else’s emotions dictate your mood or actions.
actions. The Bible teaches us: “In your anger do not sin.” It is true. I admit I am born with a bad temper that when in rage, has no mercy even towards the closest of friends. I have offended almost everyone around me at least once. Therefore, God has been training me to control and manage
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my emotions since young, and although I have improved a great deal, there is still room for continuous practice. How should you control and manage your feelings? I believe it starts with the heart! First of all, I do not want other people to dampen my mood. Learn to endure and think less. Do not complicate simple matters. Although the cause of conflict may sometimes be beyond my bottom line, I have learned to express my principles and stand my ground calmly. The second step is to ask for strength from God to maintain inner peace during my daily devotion. The Bible says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Let us guard our hearts each and every moment, aspiring to become a calm and composed person who employs the correct mindset and forgiving attitude in dealing with all sorts of incidents. May we all have a conduct that is more mature and wise, be more accepting of the ways of the world and more joyful in our days.
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The Art of Speech
The Bible says, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a ruling rightly given.” (Proverbs 11:25 [NIV]) I believe many people would agree on
The Bible says, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a ruling rightly given.”
the importance of giving an appropriate speech but failing to do so, unaware of how to express themselves or select words that makes the other person more comfortable. One day when I was dining out, two children and their parents were sitting at the table next to me. Throughout the meal, I overheard the mother nagging her two kids. “How many times have I told you not to use your phone during mealtimes?” The young ones did not take her words seriously as they resumed using their phone not long after. Although the mother was concerned for her kids, her words had not only irritated her family but also given pressure to me, who was next to them. Thinking to myself, if she had said “Listen up, kids. We will be leaving after ten minutes, and you will starve if you don’t finish your food.” I guarantee the atmosphere will be different. If the mother were a woman of her words, the kids would
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surely wolf down their food so that they would not starve! Let me share my experience… I asked my wife “What happened again?” when my wife was unhappy, only to find her further infuriated. I was puzzled, but when I analysed the situation, the culprit was the word “again”. It implied that I was impatient and lacking in tenderness. If I had asked her “What happened? What has upset you?”, she would feel my care and concern for her, and her anger thus dissipated. As I have learned from my mistakes, I suggest gentlemen pick up this trick because you will have far lesser arguments with your wife. Usually, after I have made certain decisions, I hate my wife asking me “Why?” I would quickly lose my temper when she asks me in that manner! It is as if she was interrogating me and doubting my wisdom. When I tried to understand it at a deeper level, I discovered she did not mean like that! It had been her way of speaking. Men readily feel pressured when asked, “Why?” They think they are not trusted or comprehended by others. However,
Men readily feel pressured when asked, “Why?” They think they are not trusted or comprehended by others.
women ask “Why?” when they cannot figure it out and have questions because they are trying to understand better. If they would change “Why?” to “Can you tell me more about it?” it would be more comfortable for most people, is it not so? I had been a top-notch salesperson; many people wanted to know what secret I held. My secret was simple: speak appropriately! When customers
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encountered problems, I often assured them: “Let me handle this.” instead of “It’s not my problem. What else can I do?” Of course, many difficulties were not dependable on solely one person, and it would be the truth if I had admitted that “I can’t do anything.” Nevertheless, customers were frustrated, and they could blame me for it as they might feel I was buck-passing. If I said “Let me think of a way.” or “Let me help!” it could either mean I would give feedback to my superior or give my customers a contact number. Even though the problem might not be resolved in the end, customers would feel warm and comforted due to my professional, earnest attitude in dealing with them. Thus, I would like to share some useful examples below as a reference. Say “Very good.” instead of
“Not bad.” The former is positive
feedback, and though the latter has double negatives and means practically the same, people still hear two negative words. Say “Is everything alright?” instead of “What’s the situation?” The former imbues a sense of care while the latter implies that you assume something is up. Say “I want to” instead of “I have to”. The former gives a sense of enthusiasm, whereas the latter hints that you are not in control and that you are forced to do something against your will. Say “I think it’s great!” instead of “I’m fine with anything.” The former feels pleasanter to the ears, but the latter is more or less uncomfortable to hear, as though the other person’s efforts are dispensable.
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Say “Also” instead of “But”. The former adds on information to your speech and highlights your main point, whereas the latter twists and contradicts. Say “Work has been very fulfilling lately!” instead of “I’ve been dreadfully busy.” The former describes the meaningful occupancy of work and that you are happy with the change, while the latter sounds like the last straw to a breakdown. In the above examples, both pairs have similar meanings. However, the positivity that the former embodies is better for communication and bonding with people than the negativity that the latter holds. Let us aspire to become a master of speech!
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The Art of Reprimanding
The Art of Reprimanding (Part 1) As a senior manager, my husband would sometimes share with me his day, and the most common sentence I hear from him is “I have been scolding people for the whole day. I’m so pissed off!” To show my care for him, I would ask, “Who did you scold? Why were you mad?” for him to make angry noises (and to vent) so that he was pacified. Finally, I would ask whether the person understood him, and usually, he would say, “I don’t know, but I’ve said what I should say!” Apart from telling off his wife, my husband has mastered the art of reprimanding someone else. For example, suppliers who quote a price too high, customers who are being unreasonable, merchants who produce lowquality outputs, waiters who are impolite and ill-mannered… Sometimes when I have the honour to “appreciate” the entire process of their being reprimanded, seeing their smiling expression turning into a look of deep in thought embarrasses yet amuses me. My husband has always felt good for this particular “talent”. With
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occasional brags to our daughters about how skilled he is in scolding, he said the receivers of his admonition would continue to smile at him or even thank him, only coming to realise the bad taste in their mouths after much careful pondering. Of course, my husband does not fly into a rage without cause, and he rarely loses control of his emotions. If he scolds someone, there must be a reason behind it. He maintains a placid tone despite his fury, an occasional suggestion of a smile on his face that, at times, morphs into solemnity, with a few jokes and guffaws of laughter in between his lectures. As he has a great sense of logic, theory, analysis and humour, people could only smilingly nod in concurrence when he chides them with clear and logical reasoning. I am impressed at my husband for being able to mix humour and jokes into a scene as distasteful as scolding someone. While expressing his discontent, he does not hurt his relationship with the other person. The bearer lightheartedly accepts his suggestions and makes improvements, settling on resolving the issue or giving whatever he demands, anxiously keen to please him. I suppose this is the highest realm in the art of communication and emotional management! Although my husband scolds effectively with much tact, I still want to advise him: “Take it easy, my dear! Reprimanding is, after all, an exhausting task that should be avoided as much if possible! You will have advanced to a higher level when you can achieve the same result without resorting to scolding. All the best, my dear husband!”
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The Art of Reprimanding (Part 2) I think my dear wife named this article “The Art of Reprimanding” solely because it is an eye-catcher, not because I like to reprimand—though I have a great mastery of the said art. Reprimands are divided into two types. The first type is a positive admonition, also known as a lecture or reprove, that is really a piece of constructive advice in disguise. The second type is a negative rebuke full of rage that aims at venting personal vexation, aggressive by nature. Such a “rebuke” is also a form of “speech”, but because of the negative emotions and sharp rises in the tone that accompany it, the bearer will automatically put on full guard and refuse to cooperate. Moreover, scenes of rebuttal or exchange of harsh words are prone to happen, which inflict damage on the relationship between both parties. Be it speaking or scolding, both are profound learnings that should be studied by humans, so that “The Art of Communication” can facilitate our interactions. The Bible says, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a ruling rightly given.” For instance, a careless person breaks my mug. I am furious, and I scold him, “Why did you break my mug?” He would attempt to make explanations or find all sorts of excuses, but he would not apologise. If I regretfully reproach him like “Oh dear, my mug is broken!” not only would the offender apologise, but he might also purchase a new one for a replacement! He does not feel that I am blaming him, so instead of wasting his time justifying his actions, he would focus on resolving the question of how I am
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going to drink tea in the future. Many times, when we do not understand “The Art of Reprimanding”, we argue over trivial matters like a broken mug that will hurt our relationships. Other than curating correct vocabulary, you need to control your tone in speech. Try to use a calm and soothing voice when explaining issues that have bothered, troubled, harmed or annoyed you. You should avoid immediately responding when you are emotional or apoplectic with rage. Such intense feelings fuel you to shout at the other person, which would be reciprocated and returned to you, escalating your fury and numbing your ability to judge. You might speak without thinking, aimed to wound the person, wrecking irrevocable harm and messing up things, hence ruining the relationship. Therefore, when I am in a nasty mood, I would fall silent or leave quietly, then proceed to communicate with the
When I am in a nasty mood, I would fall silent or leave quietly, then proceed to communicate with the other party when feeling better.
other party when feeling better. I lacked patience when I was young. I never liked to put off tasks that should be done today until tomorrow. Hence, my speech was aggressive and pushy, which had unintentionally offended many people. Now, I have mellowed with enough patience to wait for the best timing to voice out my thoughts and feelings. People take well to this; it has brought effective results. Let us learn “The Art of Communicating” together! With wise words we appease ourselves and the people around us, making our lives better and merrier.
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A Different Choice; A Different Life
The Art of Surviving Reprimands (Part 1)
When I was monkeying around as a kid, my mum would whip her head towards my sister and me, condense all her strength on her eyeballs and glare at us. My sister and I would quiet down and do whatever we were told to. Or else we would be served the “Braised Pork Feet with Cane”—get beaten up with the cane. This was how my mum reprimanded her children: silence was better than any word. Occasionally, she would also scold us when she had had enough with our mischief. Getting reprimands as a child was like an everyday routine. I would cry it over, and then completely forget about it after a short while, laughing and playing around again. In fact, little kids like us did not make any serious mistakes, but our parents were fed up with the chaos we caused when we did not follow their rules. It is strange to think that we were free to fool around only when they were in a good mood. When they were annoyed, we would not only get scolded but also spanked. To my young self, these discoveries were a significant introduction to the emotional quotient. It was the time I developed a sense to “read the air”!
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In school, I get reprimanded often by teachers because I was either lazy, naughty or noisy. Thanks to the frequent experience, I cultivated the divine cry-on-demand skill, where my big, fat tears would drive the teachers away, and I would be saved from a scolding. Of course, since I vowed to be a good student in high school and college, my later teachers no longer had a reason to reproach me. With my first job as a fresh graduate, I met my boss. He was a stock trader whose mood fluctuated with the share prices: he was very emotional. It was impossible to dodge a tongue-lashing. Sometimes it was because I made a mistake; other times it was because he was in a bad temper. Every detail irritated him, and he made a big fuss of it by giving me an earful. Nevertheless, I feel grateful to him as he helped me to think calmly and critically. I could analyse whether it was his problem or mine. Eventually, my immunity towards him strengthened so much that I could keep my cool while facing his intermittent temper, especially on payday. I had three female superiors for my next job. On and off, they would show up in the office and lash out at someone—I have no idea who— sometimes dropping hints with their tone and choice of words about the identity of their actual target in question. That was how I learned not to take their criticisms personally and played the fool when necessary! Surely I did not want to get it in the neck, so I studied and analysed their manners, drew up conclusions and finalised my tasks to perfection. After that, I changed my profession to become a real estate agent.
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It was my peak experience of getting shouted at. Landlords and tenants would make me responsible for whatever that had gone wrong and bawl me out, as though the problem could be fixed by the time they were done scolding me. Several years later, I became a master in negotiation, the bridge of communication between landlords and tenants. It was then my divine thick-skinned skill reached the highest realm! My husband started his own business around the same time. As his first part-time employee who had zero experience in his industry, it was inevitable to be reprimanded whenever I made a mistake. However, since we had invested all of our money in the business, I had to learn everything from scratch, to give my best performance that would even exceed his expectations. Therefore, I became his best employee. I believe it remains the same even today; no one has surpassed me yet. No task dedicated to me have I not completed it immaculately. He does not need to worry at all. Alas, he has never given me a single Best Employee Award throughout these years. My daughter has recently been reprimanded at work and is feeling low, so I wrote this as an encouragement for her. It is part of everyday life to get scolded. What is more crucial is to build your endurance towards setbacks and become a better you. Go for it, my girl!
It is part of everyday life to get scolded. What is more crucial is to build your endurance towards setbacks and become a better you.
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The Art of Surviving Reprimands (Part 2)
After I wrote “The Art of Reprimanding Someone”, my daughter told me that she did not have the chance “to reprimand”, yet she often “gets reprimanded”. Her boss had recently chastised her for making mistakes, and she felt like quitting the job. Consoling her, I encouraged her to stay while learning to improve herself. She said, “You scold people every day, Dad. How could you understand how I feel being scolded every day?” Oh, my dear girl! Dad was often reprimanded too as a youth. I remember the time I attended an interview with a large company, when I was applying for their business engineer position. I did nothing wrong, but the business manager lashed out at me, simply because he was not happy with the younger generation’s work culture. Although I found it baffling, I kept my cool and answered his questions while putting up with his attitude. After the interview, I told my then-girlfriend, who is now my wife, that I must have failed to land the job this time. Unexpectedly, I received an offer letter a week later. I did not accept the large company’s offer. Instead, I went to a medium-sized corporation. My superior was a female manager who scrutinised over details. My
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carelessness caused mistakes that earned me a lot of her reproaches. Still, I was determined that I would take care of every detail to the point that I exceed her expectations. Thanks to her frequent scoldings, I am now a meticulous and sharp person. As a business engineer, I often had to meet both regular and new clients, and sometimes troublesome people. There was once my colleague and I met a new client, a senior consultant engineer. He reckoned that we young people knew nothing, throwing lectures and criticisms at us the first time we met. My colleague could not take it and was on the brink of slamming the table, nearly wanting to leave, while I continued to talk to our client calmly. After we left, my colleague said that we would not be getting the deal this time, and that I was a coward for listening to his nonsense. I did not give up, though, and followed up when I could. One month later, the client sealed a generous deal with me, a massive surprise for my colleague. Most people instinctively feel like running away when they are reprimanded. Why is it so? It is because they are scared or unwilling to straight-up face the setbacks or situations. This is perfectly normal. However, if we run away from it, we lose a precious chance to grow and challenge ourselves. If we brave the reprimands, we will become a responsible and dedicated person,
if we run away from it, we lose a precious chance to grow and challenge ourselves.
one who has a positive attitude towards improving our abilities. Good luck, my daughter, face the challenges and difficulties with courage!
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Tolerance and Patience
When my daughter paid her sister a mid-year visit from Sydney to Melbourne, something interesting happened during her flight. While boarding the plane, as her seat was in the middle, my daughter asked a middle-aged woman in the outermost seat to let her pass through, so that she could be seated. However, the woman turned a deaf ear to my daughter’s request, her eyes solely fixated on the tablet in front of her. My daughter did not want to obstruct the walkway and keep other passengers behind her waiting. Hence, squeezing herself through the narrow space between the woman and the row of seats in front, her small backpack accidentally hit the latter on the face. Unexpectedly, the woman shrieked in pain, complaining in Cantonese towards her husband and children, who were sitting in another row, about my daughter’s clumsiness. My daughter then turned around and apologised to the woman in the same dialect, saying that she did not mean to bump into her. The woman did not expect that a young girl like her to speak Cantonese, which meant that the latter understood her snappy remarks. Feeling awkward, the woman quietened down.
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Once again, unexpectedly, after the plane took flight, the woman continued to rant about my daughter in Chinese towards her husband, that the latter’s bag gave her a swollen eye. Her husband was rather exasperated, uttering moodily, “Then hit her back!” She replied, “I’m nowhere as uncultured as her!” Overhearing their conversation, my daughter pushed the call button for the flight attendant, requesting some ice for the woman’s eye. When the woman received ice from the flight stewardess, she was perplexed because she had not asked for it. My daughter then spoke to the woman politely in Chinese, “Madam, this ice is for your eye, since you said you have a swollen eye.” She was dumbfounded—she did not expect that my daughter understood Chinese either! Her family felt embarrassed too. The woman did not utter another sentence throughout the journey afterwards. My daughter could finally enjoy peace. When my daughter told us about the incident, we roared with laughter while discussing how we would react if we were in her shoes. My dear girl, I believe none of us could have dealt with this matter better than you did! Your tolerance and patience are
Your tolerance and patience are virtues that we should learn.
virtues that we should learn.
Note: Australian teenagers usually speak English, and not many are multilingual.
Chapter 6
Begin With the End in Mind; Win at the Finish Line
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A Noble Heart Wins the World
There is an ancient maxim, “Your world is as vast as your heart can be!” Nevertheless, today’s society claims it to be “Your world is as vast as the strength of your power.” I believe there must be meaning and truth in the saying our forefathers had upheld. Modern society evaluates the success of a person with his abilities. Obtaining knowledge and experience is undoubtedly crucial because it sharpens our skills, just like an undergraduate certification and work experience. These abilities of ours will surely help us gain momentary advantages, but can they lead us to win over the world? The most notable characteristic of a person is embodying such a “kindness” that does not weigh on the conscience. If a person “does not have a kind heart, it is useless however strong his abilities may be”! Hence, I believe kindness precedes competence because one’s heart makes one’s character, and character captivates the world.
Kindness precedes competence because one’s heart makes one’s character, and character captivates the world.
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I like this quote from General Secretary Xi Jinping: I do not wish for opulence but honest dignity; Nor do I seek for perfection but my conscience’s peace.
This axiom is easy to fathom but hard to live by! Knowledge is easy to learn while building character requires time and persistence, yet many people choose the shortcut!
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Regulation Is Obligation, but Self-Discipline Is Freedom
Self-discipline is the criterion to achieve our goals: it means that we must manage and have good control over ourselves. Self-disciplined individuals, having unwavering resolutions and wanting to accomplish them, will break the chains of resistance and detach themselves from all sorts of interference, while running towards the final pole with all their might. Regulation, on the other hand, is the rules set and devised by our superiors that helps the team to meet its targets. Since young, we have been taught and trained to follow the rules. School rules are necessary to discipline students; company regulations are also indispensable to manage its staff. Without rules and regulations, both schools and companies will be in chaos, and they will not achieve their goals. Those who are self-disciplined stick to the rules, but not all those who follow the regulations are self-disciplined. Self-discipline is an active practice whereas regulation is a passive one. Back when I was in college, I had an exceptionally self-disciplined roommate who had defined goals. Every morning when the alarm clock rang, he would get up immediately to make his bed, then proceed to his table to start
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whatever work he had planned for the day. I was greatly impressed! As for me, I played by the rules, rarely running late or breaching the regulations; people regarded me as a rule-abider. Nonetheless, I was not self-disciplined. I would lie in should I have no particular task or planned agenda on that day. Only after taking my own sweet time to get up would I start my day. Despite my effort to avoid “putting off till tomorrow what should be done today”, things were often unfinished. I had to burn the midnight oil until I was worn out. Hence, to avoid such situations from happening again, I decided to build my self-discipline: it was a journey of hardships. Our biggest enemy is no one but ourselves, and mastering self-discipline is the best way not only to challenge ourselves but also to win the battle. We humans are lazy in nature. We have a herd mentality to follow the flock around us. We resist change and prefer to nest in our comfort zone. These are common factors that hinder our personal growth, enhancement and even success. Selfdiscipline is painful at first, as we go through unbearable suffering. However, if we keep going and live through it, the pain will ease, eventually bringing us joy
Self-discipline is painful at first, as we go through unbearable suffering. However, if we keep going and live through it, the pain will ease, eventually bringing us joy and freedom.
and freedom. Over the years, I have been constantly putting effort to master self-discipline to improve myself. Even so, I still do not see myself as one who conquers selfdiscipline. I have no problem in controlling myself in certain aspects, but I, in fact,
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failed in others. For instance, being a food-lover who enjoys savouring dishes, I gained weight year after year as I aged. Hence, I decided to lose weight. For my plan to succeed, self-discipline was a must so that I would exercise every day and go on a proper diet. After months of determination and hard work, I finally lost a few kilos. However, when I slackened in self-discipline, the numbers retaliated and so did my body. Self-discipline to me meant that I had to get rid of the old habits. I had to overcome laziness, indolence, procrastination and all kinds of fashion. When self-discipline led me to my success, however, it brought me a great sense of achievement and contentment. There was a public-listed company that had implemented a “WeightControl Plan” to secure a healthy life for its employees. With the policy included in the employee handbook, every employee had to record their weight, and disciplinary action was taken whenever it was not up to standard. While some employees faked their measurements, the rest had no choice but to comply with the policy. Later on, an employee resigned from the company, and his weight skyrocketed within a short period of time, for he was obliged to follow the rules and regulations. When the constraints were no more once he quitted the job, he naturally could no longer maintain it. In contrast, self-discipline is fuelled by
In contrast, selfdiscipline is fuelled by our hearts’ desire, empowering us to attain a long-lasting effect.
our hearts’ desire, empowering us to attain a long-lasting effect. Self-discipline is also the key to gain confidence. The previously-thought
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impossible can be doable with self-discipline, so much so that we might be amazed when we succeed. We will then affirm ourselves of our abilities which boosts our confidence, taking us to a whole new level. Freedom may seem like many of those who indulge themselves and act indiscriminately, without selfdiscipline and a purpose. In the end, they lose control of their lives. Those who are self-disciplined endure pain, but it ultimately brings them true freedom. Not only does self-discipline take us to a higher realm of life, it also complements a better us. We change our habits, control our actions, manage our emotions, seize our feelings… At last, we become stronger and more powerful. We are getting nearer to success. The better we are at self-discipline, the more wonderful our lives become; self-discipline decides how far we are from the sky. It is not easy to maintain self-discipline, or even intense self-control, as we must be strict with ourselves. Nevertheless, we will only live a different life through relentless self-discipline in everyday routines.
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The Power of Teamwork
A few years back, a World Cup team busted everyone’s expectations by winning the match. Many people could not understand why: they had no top-notch football stars or players. What on earth was their secret? I specifically did some research and analysis on the team and discovered they had an unnerving team spirit. If we recruit all the crème de la crème of the football players to form a team, how high are its chances of winning? I daresay not too high! Every football star or player will feel he is the best, which means they believe in individual heroism and do things in their own way, making them difficult to cooperate with. On the other hand, if the team plays by “team spirit”, members willing to cooperate and complement each other, their individual talents and potential can be maximised. Team spirit is tremendously effective. Once, a talented sales manager told me that the company’s glory was hugely owing to his contributions! Because he closed most of the company’s deals, he should be the main character while other colleagues should play by him, thus asking for the most reward. Many people might feel he had
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earned his rights to make such claims, but I disagree with him. I believe the success of a firm is not attributed to one person! His abilities may have taken up 40% of the success, but the remaining 60% should have gone to the enterprise’s deep-rooted market share and the collaboration and support from other departments. The comprehensive follow-up of his colleagues played a crucial role, such as timely after-sales services supported by the business department staff. The excel of a firm is the result of everyone’s effort and contributions, whose rewards should be shared among all! Of course, I do not deny the fact that some employees have contributed more than others. They will be gradually promoted to team leader and continue to grow, instead of remaining in their comfort zone without progress, eventually replaced by uprising stars. Many firms today agree that a strong team is the only way to expand their business and generate more profit. However, building a strong team is not an act but a process that requires long-term refining, understanding and communication. Some people think that forming a group is equivalent to building a team, but their party is nothing more than a disordered mob without any discipline and regulation, that stirs up trouble and blames each other when disaster hits, eventually crumbling into a pile of mess. We often witness such crowds within large enterprises and public-listed companies. In a large firm, numerous little groups with an administration of their own styles have fostered games of office politics over and over again. It is a waste of resources and talent that will adversely impact the company’s operations.
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“Building a team” involves a group of people who work hard and fight for a common dream. Every member is aware of the purpose and goals of this team. Every member has their strengths that bolster and complement the other. If a team is a human body, the members are the limbs with specific functions. The body will be handicapped without either one of its limbs. In a team of excellence, everyone counts.
In a team of excellence, everyone counts.
Other than that, team members, including the team leader, must be
humble enough to accept someone is more capable than themselves. Only such a team can maximise its potential and generate more revenue. Some people forming a group to discuss their superiors and company policies can be counted as a small team, but one of which is aimed for personal gain. These small teams act to fill one’s pockets and take what one needs. We should always remind ourselves to cooperate with others in humility, constantly encouraging and supporting each other to maximise potential. With a clear direction and goal, we strive to give the best of ourselves to our company and customers. Let us meditate on the Bible, Philippians 2:3 [NIV]. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,[.]”
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Habits of Happiness
Happiness is a habit that can lead a joyful life for each and every one of us, if we practise often enough. There are 11 tips below which I hope we can learn by heart and put into practice together.
1. Be Thankful It is easier for an appreciative person to enjoy true happiness. Once there was a farmer who ploughed and planted in the fields every day. When it rained, he complained that his paddy would die of excessive water; when it was hot, he grumbled again his paddy would wither without enough rain. Would he be happy if he complained every day? Why did he not think of the bright side? He could thank the rain for watering his paddy. He could be grateful for the hot weather because his paddy received enough sun! Count your blessings daily, and you will be cheerful and jolly! The Bible says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
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2. Choose Your Friends Wisely It takes all sorts to make a world—in order to be happy, you must interact with people whose values are similar to yours, because they are the ones who will appreciate and accept the real you. Choosing your friends wisely will enrich your life while bringing joy and meaning to it. As the saying goes, “He who lies down with dogs must rise up with fleas,” bear in mind to keep away from negative people! Such people will not build up our character but rather, affect us adversely.
3. Do What You Love Do what you love; love what you do. Life is too bitter and short to be wasted on things that neither you love nor you find useless. One-third of the day should be allocated to sleep and rest (health), another one-third to learn or work (life), and the remaining to increase our happiness index (interest). Be it health, life or interest, do what you truly desire! Develop an exciting hobby (interest), showcase your striking abilities (life) and train up a sturdy body (health). These healthful lifestyles and habits will surely satiate us with joyousness!
4. Live in the Moment Free yourself from the pains in the past. Let it go. Forgive and re-embark on your journey. A friend of mine has shared with me her three principles to happiness: give up, let go and forget. She practises these principles daily and hence, is happy every day! I have also met some people who were so
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troubled by their future that they suffer from constant fears. Asking for trouble, they are! Living in the moment can gratify us easily as we feel contented and peaceful. After all, what is lost in the past is irrecoverable, and what is yet to come in the future is unpredictable. Cherish this very moment in the present.
5. Be Optimistic Our company sets revenue targets annually. During our mid-year conference, pessimists would say, “We only reached half of our targets…” while optimists cheer, “We’ve hit half of our targets!” Pessimists tend to adopt the worst possibility whenever facing a challenge, but why don’t they adjust their mindset to see the silver lining? Optimists are unquestionably happier than pessimists. The formers are capable of grasping opportunities and driving themselves to success! As the Chinese saying goes, “You don’t need to worry about things that have a solution, and you won’t help yourself worrying about things that have no solution!” Hopefully, we can remain optimistic at all times.
6. Go All Out, Then Leave the Rest to God When I was young, I would give all my effort in doing something before entrusting the matter into God’s hands. No matter success or failure, gains or losses, I had no regrets when I had done my best. Now, as the leader of a company, many crucial decision-makings require me to be prudent and confident in my final answers. However, there is no such thing as “the best decision” in life. All I can do is execute the decision I have made as flawless as
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possible. The rest is up to God! I believe He has beautiful plans for me that are yet to unfold. With this mindset, I can keep on rejoicing in success or failure.
7. Learn to Forgive The Bible says to “forgive our brother or sister who sins against us… not seven times, but seventy-seven times”. It means that we should forgive them wholly. Many times, if we do not pardon our offenders, we cannot relieve ourselves from the hatred boiling in us. We are just sweeping our discontentment under the rug at risk of explosion one day. Sometimes you might feel gloomy without any perceived reason—that is actually something to do with thorough forgiveness. Only after you have totally forgiven others can you let go of the ill-hatreds and embrace spiritual peace for a happy life.
8. Learn to Give The Bible ensures us that it is “more blessed to give than to receive”. The Chinese saying, “Happiness lies in rendering help to others,” confirms the same too. To be able to give is a blessing and grace from God, and hence, a caring and kind person will be happier than a self-absorbed egoist.
9. Remain Humble The Bible says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” That’s why we should always humble ourselves to learn new things. If your competitiveness
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overtakes you that you are unwilling to accept defeat, you will live under constant pressure depriving you of joy. On the contrary, with a humble heart you will have a good mood, because you will not be overly competitive for every task you are engaged in. A life of happiness will you ultimately enjoy.
10. Get Some Me-Time You should have some me-time for meditation and self-reflection every day. It is when you can take out the mental trash and recharge yourself after a long, busy day at work, where helplessness and fear might have taken over you. Pull yourself together and set off with a new start!
You should have some me-time for meditation and self-reflection every day to take out the mental trash and recharge yourself after a long, busy day at work. Pull yourself together and set off with a new start.
11. Ponder The Purpose of Life A person who does not ponder on the meaning of one’s existence will sleepwalk through his days aimlessly, because he does not even know what the purpose of his life is. Such an angst life is destined to be confusing and directionless. How can one be happy? Life is not about the length but the contents. You should find out the purpose of your life so that you have the strength to remain joyful in all circumstances. All of the habits of happiness above are not outcomes: they are long-term processes that require dedication and practice. May we all live a happy life.
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Six-Feet Under Is a Worry-Free Life
Once, upon noticing a drop in our spirits, the college I worked in sent us administrative staff and teachers to a motivational talk. As it was the busiest period during the semester, most of us hoisted our body grudgingly towards the auditorium. I was sure the external speaker would feel immense pressure to see us coming into the hall one by one with gloomy faces, early in the morning. Heh… He would not have a particularly good time if he did not end the session as soon as possible! Perhaps aware of our thoughts, after bidding good morning, our speaker asked us whether we were crazily busy. Many people nodded in agreement while others threw cold daggers at him; he should not have asked us when he knew our situation all too well. He continued interrogating, “Then you must have heaps of problems pending for solutions, don’t you?” Woah! The hall erupted with noise. Of course we had tons; was that question really necessary? A student would come in with a stack of queries for us to answer, the boss and colleagues bringing in another load for us to settle, and we would return home to find more yet waiting for us. Our problems, our
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husband’s, our wife’s, our child’s… Would it ever reach an end? Why were there always millions of unresolved issues? Oh, dearest Problems, we love thee not, please stay away from us! When the audience finally settled down, the speaker said that he knew someone free from any problem throughout the 365 days. What? How was that even possible? We rushed to ask who it was. How did he manage to do that? He must teach us, please! The speaker stared at us with a smile without answering. Wow, how the suspense was killing us! He really should not have kept us guessing! “Alright, alright,” said the speaker, ready to reveal the truth, “He’s laying six feet under the earth, he has no everyday worries, and that is—you guessed it right—the dead!” The audience quietened down
“He’s laying six feet under the earth, he has no everyday worries, and he is dead!”
for a moment and burst into fits of laughter. After that, we listened to his talk without complaining further. Although I have of course forgotten whatever he had taught me, I remember that we will face difficulties as long as we are still alive. If we wake up in the morning, recalling the bunch of pending issues we have to attend to, I believe it is a cause to rejoice. Do purchase a bottle of champagne when you pass by the shopping mall; put it on your work desk as a reminder that nothing is better than staying alive. Who do you think you are, Mr Problems? Come and get me if you can!
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Common Sense
Common sense, according to the Google definition, is good sense and sound judgement in practical matters. The late writer and pastor Arnold Yeung (Yang Mugu) from Hong Kong, China once wrote in his book Philosophy in the Kitchen that common sense is the experience of common folks. Two elements that constitute common sense are judgement and creativity. In other words, common sense is the judgement and creativity we use in our daily life and work to solve encountered problems. When we deal with everyday issues and interact with people, we utilise our judgement to analyse the current situation and employ our creativity to formulate a simple, straightforward and efficient solution, so that our goals are achieved—a happy ending for all. If our children had common sense, they would think independently and take care of themselves while taking up the responsibilities and house chores of their age. If our students had common sense, they would not plagiarise answers from Google for the sake of completing their homework, without understanding what they had copied. If our graduates had common sense,
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they would not throw theories memorised word-by-word from textbooks when a simple question was asked, without even answering the question. If employees had common sense, they would understand the main reason they were employed was, and is, to solve problems for their company. In life and work, if we have more companions with good common sense by our side, we will be hugely empowered. We can discuss to resolve the problem if any arises, and even if we are not an expert, we will come up with various creative ideas to find the most effective solution. On the other hand, people without common sense will only go round in circles, seeking for ten thousand excuses and asking a thousand whys. Or they will lose their temper, cursing not only other individuals but also their ancestors, all the way back to their 18th great grandparents. In the end, while the problem remains unsolved, they are oblivious that they have offended the entire neighbourhood! There are lots of courses on leadership, memory training, investment etc. but none on common sense. Even if there were, probably no one would attend such a course. After all, who would admit that oneself does not have common sense? Actually, the only way to cultivate common sense is to learn frequently by hands-on experiences. The more challenges you encounter, the more problems you would
The only way to cultivate common sense is to learn frequently by hands-on experiences.
have solved; hence the more general knowledge you have. If you always dodge and run away from problems, sweeping everything under the carpet, how can you build up your common sense? Save our common sense before it is murdered!
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Begin With the End in Mind; Win at the Finish Line
While working with us, a subordinate of mine has lately discovered a common trait that another leader in the company and I possess; that is, when we both decide to pioneer a new plan, we would have foreseen the final outcome by then. This is wisdom that we call as “business acumen” with which every successful person should be equipped. My subordinate asked me why he could not visualise that far. Other than aptitude, I believe continuous practice over time is much needed! Slowly but surely he would build up an accurate foresight. If he wanted to succeed, he had to persist on and never gave up. I also recommended him to read 7 Habits for Highly Effective People by Steven Covey, “Habit No. 2: Begin With the End in Mind”. Many in modern society have ambitious aspirations and want to initiate new plans. However, most of them are only as bold as to test the waters because they are unwilling to undertake burdensome pressure and the disappointment that comes with possible failure. Only a few people are adventurous enough to set lofty goals. They first set their final destination, formulate strategies to achieve it and run towards their victory flag by
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accomplishing short-term goals, eventually reaching the finish line. Still, most people would stick to the conventional progress bar, that is readjusting their final goals to suit their smaller ones. How can you achieve maximum effects with this method? Moreover, not planning and not having your eye fixated on your final prize are indicators that you do not want to be fully accounted for it. As such, how can you stay devoted to your mission? It is like jumping into a relationship without considering getting married and ageing together. Do you think this relationship will last?
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Visionaries are not born but cultivated and created by continuous, self-learned training with time. Other than that, one must be optimistic and determined to reach the finish line without giving up, in order to grow and learn.
Visionaries are not born but cultivated and created by continuous, self-learned training with time.
Chapter 7
The Best Blessing for the Children
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Parent Protection: Is It “Love” or “Harm”?
Most parents today have received higher education and are more knowledgeable than those in the ‘70s. They have therefore made proper arrangements for their children’s life, education and future. I often hear people say, “A child with parents is a treasured darling.” Some also use the poem below to describe parental love… “Be it by one’s side or by the ends of the world; a parent’s mind is always on the children; Be it rich or poor; a parent always accompanies the children. Be it young or old; a parent always takes care of the children. Be it plain old days or resplendent glory; a parent treats the children all the same. Be it joyous or melancholy; a parent is always there for the children.”
As information becomes increasingly accessible, with the economy and resources growing abundant, parents can do much more for their children.
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Sometimes, I would wonder whether this is a good or bad omen. Once, I met my colleague and her eight-year-old son at the shopping mall. I introduced myself and asked the little boy for his name. Who knew that his mother rushed to answer, “His name is…” The child and I were given no chances. The boy had an apathetic expression on his face. A mother told me that her eighteen-year-old son was working at a KFC outlet, and I praised her son for being diligent. Instead, she complained that the job was too harsh, exhausting and rough, not to mention the thin wages it paid or the oil stains on her son’s clothes. She had asked him to quit. She continued saying that she increased his pocket money, so he did not need to work. An ancient Chinese saying goes like this: “You can become a person of importance only after you endure the hardest hardships.” I have to sigh that parents today cannot bear to let their children suffer, treating their little ones like delicate flowers pampered in the greenhouse. A few years ago, our company employed a diligent fresh graduate who was eager to learn and prepared to put effort into his work. He was willing to try both big and small tasks. I thought to myself: he would have an excellent performance with this proper attitude of his; a bright future awaits! Unexpectedly, he resigned not long after. When I followed up his reason for resignation, I had a shock! He said that his parents wanted him to quit because his salary did not match his education and they felt our company was “exploiting” him. I was speechless. I had trained many newly graduated engineers. Their results and their university rankings were top-notch, but
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they lacked experience. To become a top-tier engineer, other than learning knowledge, you have to sharpen your
skills
laboriously.
Acquiring
To become a top-tier engineer, other than learning knowledge, you have to sharpen your skills laboriously.
related managerial and operational experience is also crucial to your career development. Hence, from the painful start to the later success, it takes at least five to ten years with no other existing shortcuts. This young man would have sped up his career since he had impressed me and received my training, but what a shame it is for him to give up this opportunity. There were two precious stones. One was used for flooring while the other was made into a magnificent noble ornament. The stone used for flooring frequently complained about the unfair treatment it received. Both of them originated from the same place, but why was it always stepped upon while the other stone was admired every day? The appreciated stone replied, “The world is fair. I went through a painstaking process of sculpting and polishing before I became this gorgeous ornament admired by many today.” Parents today are more capable than before to provide for their child in a holistic approach. However, I have lately discovered many young people did not grow sturdy and robust but are unable to withstand any difficulty instead. Their tolerance towards setbacks and failure is decreasing while their dependency on their parents is increasing. They are unable to make decisions on their own, let alone be held accountable for their actions.
The Best Blessing for the Children
Children
today
lack
157
experience
and training because of parents’ overprotectiveness! Extremes meet! We must give our children sufficient space to grow and encounter the ups and downs of life. Only then can they
We must give our children sufficient space to grow and encounter the ups and downs of life. Only then can they become independent, tougher and all the more outstanding!
become independent, tougher and all the more outstanding! Finally, I would like to share with you a quote from Be a Useful Person by the late pastor Arnold Yeung (Yang Mugu): “Expired items are useless, but a person who is not sculpted for a long time also loses one’s efficacy, who is an item removed from the shelf before expiring.”
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My Mother Said It Is None of Her Business!
A mother of a primary school student made him bring a filled 500 ml water bottle to school and told him to finish it. However, he was always monkeying around and drank only half of the water by the time he got home. Hence, the mother went to the school in a rage to argue with the teacher, asking the latter to keep an eye on her son so that he finished drinking his water. The teacher told me that she was exasperated. She could not understand. What was this to do with her? I remember I did not like to drink water when I was young and often had a sore throat. If I forgot to drink water, ate spicy food or talked too much, I would get a sore throat immediately that lasted for a few days. Back then, my mother would prepare a disgusting concoction of salty olive, bamboo and honey for my sore throat, or cut out bitter cucumber cores for me to eat, or made me swallow egg yolks to moisturise my throat. All of the ways, no matter which, were a torture for me. I begged my mother not to torment me, but she said I could choose not to eat in exchange for a month’s pain; she would not take any notice of me if I cried in pain. She said that it was none of her business through and through, and I was to decide for myself. Woah! Mother, how cruel you were!
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Now that I have grown up, I am thankful to my mother because she is very wise indeed. She taught me to be responsible for my health and actions at a young age. She is not me and cannot bear the responsibility for me. She said that she could not control how often I drank water, stole my chances to eat curry noodles at the school canteen or talked over the phone for three hours with my classmates when she was not at home. My mother said that the consequence was mine to bear when I disobeyed her. She rarely nags me, but she would rather discipline me with the law of causation in real life. If I did not want to suffer being ill, I had to regulate my diet and conduct. Hence, I was held accountable for myself from a young age. I drank at least eight glasses of water every day, and calmly said no to curry noodles, although I was salivating on the inside. As a grown-up, I remain to regulate my diet with the primary goal of taking care of my health. My mother did not demand the school principal and teachers to set up Five-Minute Water Breaks, nor did she insist that the school canteen should be banned from selling curry noodles, nor did she stipulate students should only talk over the phone for ten minutes. She merely said a few words to me, and she left the rest to “Mr Reality” to teach me about accountability and self-control. What
She merely said a few words to me, and she left the rest to “Mr Reality” to teach me about accountability and selfcontrol.
a smart move! Therefore, I encourage mothers to learn from mine. You will find your child drinking water on his own when he has suffered. The teachers can also utter a sigh of relief for not having to be responsible for something that is none of their business.
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Put Effort into Life to Live a Happy One
During dinner, my daughter asked, “I thought you didn’t like to cook. Why do you cook so well?” Indeed, I dislike spending time on cooking, but to take care of our meals, I put effort into devising the easiest way to cook good food in the shortest time. As for good food, it is a subjective question. My daughters think the food is good because they prefer light meals, but my husband who likes strong flavours would ask if I forgot to add salt, or that the price of the salt rose, then proceed to fry himself an egg as an add-on. I could choose not to cook because my husband doted on me. Many of my girlfriends are envious of me! In fact, while my husband’s cooking skills are superb, he prefers the taste that he is used to as a child, so he does not want me to cook. I am happy I do not need to fret because someone prepares every meal, and I would not mind too much about his dislike of my cooking. (Sob… Sob… At first, I felt wounded because he did not care about my feelings, to the extent that I wanted to fight for this right of homemakers to cook, to mend my broken self-esteem. After some contemplation, however, I gave up the short-term benefit of my self-esteem, humbled myself, and
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chose the long-term privilege of having ready meals whenever my husband is at home. Hahaha, I am smart!) Ever since I came to Melbourne to take care of my daughters, parting with my husband, the duty of tackling the three daily meals fell on me. Seven years of staying here sharpened my skills a lot. Thus I told my daughters solemnly, “No matter you like or dislike in the beginning, as long as you are willing to put effort into something, you will excel at doing it, just like Mummy’s cooking skills.”
As long as you are willing to put effort into something, you will excel at doing it.
I hope my daughters can understand the secret of excelling at something, that is to put effort. It means to have constant contemplation on how to improve, simplify and optimise the process so that lesser resources are needed to achieve a better result, as compared to yesterday. Without being conceited or trapped by past achievements, you should try new things and continue to grow because these are unrestricted by age. Expand your skill set and surpass your current self, be full of vigour and march forward when you face difficulties. 93-year-old Dr Mahathir is the best example. Thank you for proving to us that age, education, experience, achievements and status are not excuses for a standstill or fossilised minds. We should update our mindset and live a meaningful life, blessing and contributing to the people around us with our dream of surpassing ourselves. You and I need only to put effort into playing our roles to achieve continuous excellence and a better life. Let us work hard together!
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The Next Generation to Become Brilliant Administrators (Children)
Our perception of the next generation governs the way we treat them. Once we believe they are warriors, we will train them to be warriors; if we regard them as soldiers, we will raise them to be fearless troops. If we are narrow-minded and dismiss them as naive kids, we will think they lack experience and know nothing! That is when we oversee their growth potential, missing the golden opportunity to develop them! If we equate them as delicate flowers unable to withstand the storm, we will overprotect them by building a greenhouse! Many people asked me whether I would make my two daughters successors to my business. I think not! As our upbringing upholds the philosophy of “everyone is a separate entity”, we believe they have their personal dreams and life to work for. Moreover, my two dear daughters
Everyone is a separate entity and has personal dreams and life to work hard for.
dislike the Chinese slang “second rich generation” very much! They strive towards building their own career by their effort!
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The girls have learned to be responsible for their tasks since young. As parents, we would periodically create problems that very much troubled them. Unlike other children, there were many times they could not easily get toys that they wanted. They learned to wait and bear disappointment at a young age, even more so when I started a business of my own, as they could no longer attend tuition or other sorts of talent classes. I remember one year when my elder daughter, who was 12 at that time, could not take it anymore. She lashed out at us, complaining that she was the poorest kid in her school because we did not have a TV as other families did! My daughters had a really rough time growing up. They were the poor kids living in a large house: while basic needs were met, their desires were famished. Perhaps due to this reason, both of them started working part-time at the age of 16 for two days a week, totalling up to 10 hours. Despite having to study during the weekdays while working, their results were excellent. They also saved up their earnings. They had clear plans and goals for their future and knew exactly what they wanted. They moved out of the house when they began attending university, juggling between studying, working and living their lives. Being perfectly capable of making decisions and dealing with big and small matters in life, the girls felt proud of themselves. Other than the need for financial help from their parents, they were no different than independent adults! Lately, getting the offer to work full-time at a bank, my younger daughter wanted to go for part-time studying. I told her that it would be
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extremely challenging for her. “Don’t you know that your dad has enough money to sustain you?” With her eyes shining, she replied to me, “What does your money have to do with me?” Frankly speaking, I as a father would of course occasionally spoil them and answer their wishes. I chose to train their endurance because I knew it was the right thing to do, even though I had every resource to raise them with a lavish lifestyle. It was the only way they would grow into worthy, responsible, principled and wise women. Now that my two daughters are capable of steering their own ship, my wife and I rarely question their decisions, unless they need our advice and emotional support! Watching them becoming brilliant administrators of their own life makes us feel proud. We would love to cheer for them! I hope they will outdo us in the future.
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Strict in Conduct but Soft with People (Part 1)
Lately, during my chat with my friend, she said she was busy finding her son a tuition centre. This friend of mine did everything she could to send her son into a selected high school in Melbourne two years ago. However, the little boy had recently complained to his mother that the school teachers did not give clear explanations on the contents in the textbooks. There were many parts of the lessons that he could not understand. Hence, they had to resort to tuition classes. I was curious and asked my friend. Was she not aware of the quality of the teachers when she applied for this school? She said that other parents claimed it to be a good school. Perhaps they meant the school environment and its students’ background? Other parents did not mention to my friend in detail, all the less warning her about the problem with the teachers. Then, she admitted that not everyone would tell her everything that one knew without any reserve. Nor would other people advise or reproach her for having certain improper thoughts or actions! The conversation between my friend and I prompted another amusing
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exchange between my husband and me. Me: Other than the kids, I never knew I was a strict person in the eyes of my friend. Him: You are absolutely a tigress. Me: That’s totally because I married a tiger! But don’t worry, the tigress will listen to the tiger because she can’t beat him. Him: Humph! As if! It is precious to be earnest with your friends, tell them the truth in plain words and give mutual encouragement. However, an overly solemn person that is used to saying blunt words will hurt the people around him. I hope I can always remind myself to be a person who is strict in her conduct but soft with people. When I interact with others, I should be frank with myself
Always remind yourself to be a person who is strict in your conduct but soft with people.
to express my thoughts and stand. At the same time, I should empathise with their situations and feelings, gently proffering mutual advice about the principles and wisdom of one another! My dear husband, I will try my best to become a gentle tigress.
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Strict in Conduct but Soft with People (Part 2)
After reading my wife’s “Strict in Conduct but Soft with People (Part 1)”, I spent some time on self-reflection and discovered some of my mistakes in managing company employees. Have I clearly spelt out my expectations and requirements to my subordinates without reservation? Probably yes, but I did not hold honest conversations with them because I always had doubts. I did not express myself clearly in fear of offending someone! That is why, after our communication, I often asked them, “Do you understand what I’m saying?” My subordinates would nod frantically but, in fact, had not the faintest idea about my main point. Did I advise, reproach and warn my employees about certain improper thoughts or actions? No, I only hinted at them because I was worried that they would be unhappy! I was worried that I might hurt their delicate heart and, therefore, would be obliged to resolve their emotional problems. Giving me the look is one of their favourite games, if not throwing their resignation letter at me, leaving behind a whole lot of mess and walking away just like that! Am I really like my wife described, a tiger? I am not a tiger but a sheep
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with tiger skin, a fierce, vicious tiger on the outside, with a weak sheep on the inside. My wife is a tender woman, but she has a strong heart and stricter conduct. She is the tigress instead. I only have high standards for doing things. My toleration of employees who are deficient in character, without chiding or reprimanding them, have affected the company’s operation. Focusing solely on dealing with affairs, I overlooked the necessity of taking action towards bad behaviour and mood swings, so that similar incidents do not repeat themselves. As the boss of the company, I did not completely uphold timely “strictness”. Hence, I must be blamed for the unhealthy company culture and personnel issues. I am their head, after all! On the other hand, I must be soft with people. I must empathise with their struggles and feelings and considerately talk to them. Let them be clear that while I understand their difficulties, I would like them to take on the responsibility and make improvements. Otherwise, they must face the consequences. If things are irrevocable, for the greater good of the company, I must make up my mind to “gently” fire them! That is the best choice for them and all of us. Now that I have realised my problems, I must constantly remind myself to be a superior who is strict in conduct but soft with people. Let us reflect on a case based on real life. When a founder of an American company was prepared to pass the career baton to his only son, he again witnessed him rudely scolding and humiliating an employee in public. The father could no longer bear it and called for his son. “Peter, I have two hats; one belongs to the boss of this company, another to your father.
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Now I’m wearing the boss’ hat, and I ask you to leave. Our company cannot use you anymore. I will never allow someone to throw a tantrum and humiliate other colleagues in the company. I have warned you many times, but since you’re not taking my advice, I must fire you.” Then, he continued, “Now I’m putting on the father’s hat. I heard that you lost your job. Is there anything I can help?” The father’s actions in the company that indicated his priority for righteousness over family bonds had restored the sense of security and self-esteem among employees. They realised such behaviour was not
The father’s actions in the company that indicated his priority for righteousness over family bonds had restored the sense of security and self-esteem among employees.
acceptable and would lead to severe consequences. A positive environment was formed. Although no one was The father’s actions in the company that indicated his priority for righteousness over family bonds had restored the sense of security and self-esteem among employees. They realised such behaviour was not acceptable and would lead to severe consequences. A positive environment was formed. Although no one was to take over his career, he insisted on following his principles to make the right decision, so that his son would face the consequences brought by his actions. The father hopes his son would learn a lesson from reality, fix his deficiency in character by managing his emotions effectively, and grow in life. This CEO father’s character and conduct have deeply impressed me, so I will try hard to learn from him!
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The Best Blessing for the Children
I have once read an article on WeChat that wrote about a Chinese couple sending their only son to America for further studies. After graduation, the son married and gave birth to children, establishing a family in America. The couple continued living in China, often feeling sad and lonely. One time, when the son returned to visit them, he convinced them to sell everything in support of his starting a business and move to America. The two elders were ecstatic when they newly arrived, curious about the local life and culture. As the novelty wore off, they discovered they could not get used to the local life due to language and cultural barriers. In addition to the conflicts between them and their son’s wife, they wanted to return to their ancestral home in China. The Chinese couple asked their son to return them their money so that they can go home. However, the latter was at the early stages of starting a business and could not pay them back. Hence, they always argued over money matters. One day, when the son was not at home, the father quarrelled with the son’s wife again, accidentally killing her. Not long after, he committed suicide in jail. The elderly mother and the son who lost his wife could no longer stay in America, eventually moving back to China.
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It is a heartbreaking family tragedy. Such an extreme case would not be common in real life, right? However, we would somehow have similar situations and family conflicts happening around us, I am sure. That is why there is so much more for us to learn from this story. For example, when children grow up, we should redefine the relationship between our lives and theirs. We should remain independent and free so that
when children grow up, we should redefine the relationship between our lives and theirs.
both will live a fantastic life of our own. As for the kids, if we release our grip and return them their responsibilities, we believe they will be able to explore a vast sky that belongs to them, creating their unique style as they do so. I told my two daughters, “In the future, the best blessing Daddy and Mummy can give you is to take care of our own health, ensuring we are in the pink and planning our retired life. We will be financially independent, have a group of friends whom we get along well with, and live meaningful, happy days. You can have twenty to thirty years of no distractions to build your beautiful future.” They were very touched after hearing my speech and said, “Thank you!” Deep down, we are also looking forward to maintaining a simple parental relationship with our children, one that is easy-going, comfortable and has no unrealistic hopes. When they occasionally remember us amid a hectic life, they will be happy and stress-free. When we recognise they have grown into adults who can handle their lives themselves, we will also be joyful. This is the best blessing for them and us.
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Release Yourself; Go Unrestrained
We believe humans have unlimited capabilities, but why do our talents and progress seem to plateau after reaching a certain height? The main reason behind this is that we have been brought up to follow the preset standards. Our minds are cooped up within a specific box, unable to think out of it or make any breakthrough, eventually restricting our abilities. When she was in primary school, my daughter was often punished by her teacher for not being able to write Chinese characters within the boxes. One night, I found her erasing her handwriting as tears streamed down her face. Her experience pained both my husband and me: what was wrong with not writing Chinese characters squarely within the boxes? Children should enjoy the fun in learning and remember the characters throughout such an experience. As for the handwriting, as long as it was legible, there was no need to pursue perfection at the expense of the child’s creativity. The young ones would be misled to believe they were stupid because of their poor handwriting, resulting in lower self-esteem. Such education had prioritised the wrong aspect, killing the potential and creativity of children.
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During circus performances, the elephants would have a thin rope tied to their leg by the trainer, with the other end of the rope tied to a wooden pole. The ropes restrained them. Were the elephants too weak to break free from a small wooden pole? Of course not. When they were babies, the trainers bound a metal chain on the elephants’ leg and put the end of the chain on a large tree. The baby elephants would struggle but keep on failing. After some time, they would accept the fact that the chain was unbreakable. Later on, although the trainer used a thin rope and wooden pole, the elephants never thought of the possibility of breaking free. They could not exert their enormous strength upon a thin rope and wooden pole. The two examples above depict that we will not be able to unleash our potential if we are restricted to a ruled area by our past education, cognition and failures. As time passes, we
We will not be able to unleash our potential if we are restricted to a ruled area by our past education, cognition and failures.
will lose ourselves and allow ourselves to be ordered about! Therefore, we must break out of the current boundaries we have, re-evaluate our potential capabilities, challenge ourselves with courage, surpass our past achievements and create a better future.
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Words for Daughters
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Rely and obey throughout the journey of growth
Your course of youth is also our journey with the LORD. Step by step, we obey, let go and trust the LORD, as we believe He has a wonderful plan for both of you. Reviewing the past twenty years that we spent together, my heart is full of gratitude because He crowns the year with His bounty, and His carts overflow with abundance. (Psalms 65:11 [NIV]) The future journey calls for both of you to walk with the LORD. We do not know how tomorrow will fare, but we know that He is faithful and He rules tomorrow. We sincerely wish and pray for you to remain on the course of His truth forever without stepping off track. This is the expectation and blessing that we as your parents on earth have for you two. I want to thank the LORD for giving us the opportunity to walk with you in this world.
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出版日期 / 2020年12月一版一刷 1,500 本 版权所有 · 请勿翻印
A Different Choice; A Different Life Fear the Lord and He Shall Show You the Path He Made (Psalms 25:12)
By Ling Kui Hung & Lee Chee Sun 1st Edition 1st Printing, December 2020 COPYRIGHT © 2020 BY LING KUI HUNG & LEE CHEE SUN 书本如有缺页、破损、倒装，请寄回更换。 ISBN: