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September 2015 Flipbook PDF

Mother-to-Mother - September 2015

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Mother to Mother September 2015

A Mother’s Prayer “Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day, With little time to stop and pray, For life's been anything but calm Since You called me to be a mom -Running errands, matching socks, Building dreams with wooden blocks, Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes And other stuff that children lose, Fitting lids on bottled bugs, Wiping tears and giving hugs, A stack of last week's mail to read -So where's the quiet time I need? Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord, Just at the sink or ironing board, To ask the blessings of Your grace, I see then, in my small one's face, That You have blessed me all the while -And I stoop to kiss that precious smile.” - Author unknown

Hello, friends… Higher Ground by Rachel Graybill

“Lord, make me a woman of faith!” My plea was passionate. I was a wife of several years and a mother of a young son. My yearning to grow in faith had been stirred by reading Bible accounts of women of faith, particularly Peter’s praise of Sarah (I Peter 3:6). Women of faith appeared so calm, so lifted above the mundane, so – mature! I felt like a bumbling adolescent, tripping over my humanity. Surely a faithfilled woman didn’t gobble chocolate to cope with PMS, did she? Would she snap sharp words at her husband when he considered her birthday ‘no big deal?’ A positive pregnancy test brought joy, yes, but the first upswing of emotions crashed into the depths of morning sickness, fear of miscarriage and dread of the impending labor. Where was the higher ground of ‘heaven’s tableland’ we sing about? Faith seemed the ladder to climb to heights above the world of me. I petitioned the Lord – and waited. Years passed. One January day I gazed through my window at sullen skies blanketing a frozen world. The weather mirrored my emotional horizon. My husband’s job switch was unsettling my familiar routine. The baby was having one round after the next with stomach flu. Add ‘bigger’ issues beyond my four walls to the mix and life was as gloomy as the winter day. Somewhere beyond the gray clouds shone the sun, I knew. And the Creator of the sun still sat on His throne, above the dense layer of my grief with cranky children, endless housework, and stressful changes. Faith was the path to God. That’s right, faith... Into my mind flashed the memory of a sunny day and green grass and a younger, thinner me fervently praying for faith. “Hmm, if I had known that day what I know now I don’t think I would have had the courage to pray that prayer!” I mused. “I’m not strolling through Beulah Land – I’m hobbling through the same old world and the biggest stumbling block in my journey of faith is still me. Maturing by faith brings hard and painful testing!” “Well, what did you expect?!” the question jolts my reverie. Yes, what did I expect? James tells me, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and [mature], Page 2

wanting nothing (James 1:2-3).” Had I hoped to escape the trials that nurture faith? I’m learning a lesson. Life’s realities are not mud to be flung from my feet as I climb higher. Rather, they are the soil that roots me solidly to my need for God. This neediness is the ideal environment for growing into the woman of faith I desire to become. For example, the other morning I was charting a mental schedule for the day while savoring precious alone time in the shower. I was feeling on top of my world when my husband stuck his head in the door, “I’m leaving now but I will need you to run an errand for me this morning. The girls are hungry for breakfast and the youngest has a messy diaper. Love you. ‘Bye,” and out the door he dashed. I was tempted to add a little steam of my own to the bathroom. In two sentences, my man had wrecked my day’s agenda, my leisurely shower time, and my complacent attitude. According to God’s Word, these are glorious minutes. Glorious? Yes, to quote Paul: “…most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities…” (II Corinthians 12:9). God has heard my petition for maturity and He is blessing me with another growth spurt. “Help!” I beseech Him, “I want to scream. Please keep me sweet!” As I cry to Him, He hears me and reaches down for my hand. “…that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I receive power to do what needs to be done – to change the diaper, serve the children breakfast, and run that errand without resentment. That’s how I grow as a woman of faith. I don’t find it easy. God didn’t promise ‘easy.’ He promises grace in the moment. When I forget to ask for Him and flop into unbelief, He pulls me back onto my feet as I look up to Him in repentance. I find the ‘heavenly places’ as His strength is made perfect through my weakness and His amazing grace redeems crushing circumstances and His love comforts my fearful, faltering self. The focus on the journey shifts from me, the woman of faith, to Him, the Father I see by faith. Faith is the choice to turn to Him with open hands. The Father waits. “Lord, increase my faith.” Please direct all correspondence to: Glenn & Mary Beth Martin 595 Skyline Trail Chester, MA 01011 Phone & fax: (413) 354-7860 Email: [email protected] Page 3

You Ask, You Answer… Question : It has been said that the oldest child and the child(ren) most like us are the ones we struggle with the most. How can this be avoided? Or if it is already the case, what can be done to improve and strengthen the relationship? What are some helps in overcoming this critical attitude towards them?  Communication and humility are two vital keys we have discovered are helpful. Communication is a two-way act. I need to be careful I don’t over-analyze my children. Here is what often happens. I think I know and understand my child because he’s just like me. When irritations or struggles arise I need to ask him how he feels, and listen to his heart. It is easy to lecture when we see our child acting up, but sometimes the best way to communicate is to ask him questions and let him speak his mind. “Is this the way you really want to be? What do you feel like when you do this? What would you like me to do that would be easier to accept?” Some of the greatest keys are found within your child’s own heart. It is helpful to have Dad talk to him and have the child express himself and how he feels about Mom. Dad can give the child direction, and he can help you understand. Humility – a priceless virtue! How often we need to fall on our knees and beg for help from the Lord. It is common for us to be irritated by our own weaknesses manifested in our children. We need to be humble enough to face it in our own lives so we can calmly care for their souls. The conflict we face can easily turn into a battle of wills rather than a stand for truth. Remember, this is not a display of power, but a loving guidance for your child. Be willing to change if you know your methods aren’t working. Accept the fact that you might be wrong in how you thought your child felt. I beg you if you have a child that you struggle to love, pray fervently and be persistent about removing that friction. The child quickly feels that and it greatly hinders your training. - Massachusetts

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 Your question seems to be a two-part question. First, the struggle with the oldest child in the family; secondly, the struggle with the children who are most like you. We started out our family expecting a lot from our first child. We would have been wiser to give more praise and encouragement, while still requiring obedience. Perhaps the reason why many parents err on the side of being unreasonably strict with the oldest child is because they seem so big. In other words, at two or three years old, they seem so big compared to the baby. At six or seven years they seem big because of all the younger children who are smaller. If you do find yourself requiring too much of your oldest child, please remember they are still young. We all thrive better on praise and encouragement instead of a fault-finding attitude. Hold them or give them a hug. Things can still seem big to them, such as reaching a tall cabinet or washing an enormous stack of dishes. Try to see through their eyes. Think how you would’ve wanted to be treated when you were the same age. There are children who can irritate us at times because they are so similar to us! If you are referring to behavior issues or character flaws, why would you be critical of them if they perhaps learned this trait from you? Ask God to help you grow in your own life, and only then will you be able to help your child improve in his/her character. But perhaps you are referring to a personality that is like yours. In this case, we need to remember that God gives various personalities and we need to accept our child as he is. Think about various aspects of their personality and how God could possibly use this in the future for His glory. Discuss it with your husband for his perspective on it. One thing I think God is trying to teach me is to be more gracious toward others. How much I have a need of patience, kindness, and forbearance! A couple months ago I went shoe shopping with my husband, a rare occurrence. He is very indecisive and I was amazed and intrigued as I observed him trying on pair after pair in varying styles, trying to decide if this or that size fits better, deliberating if he wants the “built up” shoes or the regular cut. Suddenly I understood why my 12-year-old son takes so long to choose shoes! I already knew he is a “cookie cutter” of his dad, but had never observed it in this area. I want to learn to work with the situation as it is, and be gracious with others when they operate differently than I do.  - State withheld

“If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves.” - Carl Jung Page 5

Question : We're considering foster care or adoption. For those of you who have been there, what's some advice you would have for us? How important is it to have full support of our extended family and church family? Are there things to look for when choosing an agency to work through? Are there any good books you would recommend reading on the subject?  In considering foster care and adoption, I would encourage you to talk to others who have walked the journey. You could also contact Forever Blessings* with a request to receive the group email specifically for foster/adoptive parents or those considering it. It is a good place to ask questions and get advice. Pray about it. The decision is yours to make with your spouse. Sometimes family is very supportive, others may not be. Ultimately, it's about doing what God wants you to do. We started by doing respite for foster families, then fostering for approximately ten years. We now have seven children, some biological and some adopted, all sent to us by our heavenly Father. We are blessed to also have others in my family who have fostered and adopted. - Pennsylvania

* Editor’s note: “Forever Blessings” is an email discussion list for conservative Anabaptist adoptive parents or couples hoping to adopt. If you are interested in joining, please send your request to [email protected].  We have two adopted sons. Oh, they are such a blessing! Our sons were born to us, right from birth. We worked with an adoption lawyer, who has birth moms coming to him. He counsels them, helping them work through the grief and trauma that goes with giving their child to another family. A lot of moms love their babies but are unable to provide a stable home for them, so they choose the route of adoption. It was always our dream to adopt. You see, I am an adoptee. God gave us three children by birth and we wanted more, but God led us on the path of infertility, so we adopted our first son. Then God gave us a miracle and then we adopted again. Support plays a big part in fostering or adopting. Support is very much needed. Don't we all need support in raising our families? Adoption or fostering is a road that is less traveled, and it can have extra challenges. You need to decide which way you want to go. Do you want to adopt a child, or just give a child a loving home till he can be placed back with his family? Private adoptions are quite expensive Page 6

but a little easier on your heart. Fostering to adopt does not cost nearly as much but is harder emotionally. It can be more of a roller coaster of emotions. One day it looks like you can be the child's forever family and then it can change quite quickly. We chose to go the route of private adoption, so we got our home study done, and then spent a lot of time calling adoption lawyers and agencies and letting them know we are available. We were matched within three weeks. Later our son was born. Our second son we found out about through a friend. It is quite a journey but very rewarding! I would recommend you attend adoption seminars. Contact Penn Valley Christian Retreat at 717-899-5002 for a program of upcoming seminars. These are very helpful, with lots of information and support. God bless you as you find your way. - Ohio

 I would think you will want support of close family, and certainly the church family. Ask them if they feel like your home would be a good place for troubled children. They may have some insights you don’t wish to miss. Do you feel that somehow fostering or adoption will be the answer to your marriage or personal needs? It won’t. You’ll also need lots of support when you are rocking a screaming drug baby for hours at a time, or dealing with tantrums from uncontrolled youngsters who’ve never been loved or disciplined. Biological parenting is challenging, but fostering and adoption can be grueling. The beautiful thing is that it’s all very rewarding! An agency with a Christian focus is very much desirable, but not always local. County agencies tend to roll through caseworkers fast, plus cut other corners that shouldn’t be cut. The approval process for any agency is intense. Hours of training, home study, criminal clearances, and seemingly endless paperwork are what you’ll be doing. We found the Bair Foundation, a faith-based organization, to be a good option for our interest. We fostered with them, and some of our friends just did a triple adoption through them, too. One of the ladies who helped with the foster parent trainings admitted to us that she uses corporal punishment on her biological daughters. We found that type of thing very refreshing, coming from social service personnel! Contact them at 800-543-7058 or www.bair.org. That being said, if you wish for biological children, you may want to check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler and Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon. - Pennsylvania

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 When starting foster care, do it as a mission for the best interests of the child. Your pains of childlessness which you may have are not sufficient reasons to adopt. Don't glorify adoption. Keep it low key. The adopted child wants to fit in and be accepted as 'normal' children are. Not as something 'different.’ Don't get caught up in the 'fun' of adopting a lot of 'cute' children in a short amount of time. There's nothing quite like receiving a call that they have a child needing a home! But many have taken a lot bigger bite than they can handle. Remember this is a lifetime commitment. A strong marriage is a must! Without you as a couple to fully lean on, an adopted child may strain or break a marriage. Don't talk about your adopted child's problems openly to anyone who will listen. Be very careful about sharing specifics. It can come back to haunt the child years later. Foster care can be an emotional rollercoaster. Do not go into foster care planning for an easy adoption. As for agencies, it is getting tougher as times change. Proceed with care. Ask a lot of questions up front. Talk to parents with older adopted children that are teenagers or even married. Ask them for their insights. Most of all pray and wait. Don't rush into anything. - State withheld

 Fostering children and/or adoption is not for the faint of heart! Everyone's experience is different. So my answer is from my experience. It takes a great selfless love to minister and nurture these wonderful children. Because they are not with their biological parents, many feel rejection and hurts that need to be worked through with much patience and love. How much support would you want or appreciate from your extended family and church family for your biological children? You will need the same plus some for your adoptive or foster children. And because of already having to face rejection, you don't want them to have to face more rejection if you can help it. Will your extended family and church family pray for you when you are facing disappointments in the adoption process or your foster child goes back to their biological family? Some books we have enjoyed are A Child - At Any Cost? by Mary Mealyea, and Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison. May God lead you as you seek His face concerning this important step. - Massachusetts Page 8

 I am answering as one who was adopted, so I cannot give advice on books and agencies, but will try to give my view as an adoptee. I was adopted when I was 11 into a family that had four biological children and two adopted children. Before that I was in different foster homes. I do not know if you are interested in babies or older children. But in either case, number one is to remember to receive and treat them as you would your biological children. I understand that they may need extra help at first to adjust, but the goal is to have them feel and realize that you are their family now. Include your other children if you have any. Talk to them about it freely as they will have adjustments as well. They will be having another sibling and remember everyone adjusts differently, so be prepared to help everyone through it. As for the extended family and church family, I always felt accepted. I know one time when my sister was in school the children were playing a game that asked for a certain color and if you had that color you could jump. One of the girls said, “if you are black,” and my sister jumped. All the girls said that she couldn’t jump, but she told them that she is part black. By that you can tell she was very much included and color did not matter to them. I am impressed how adoption/foster care is referred to in the Bible. My mind goes to Mordecai and Esther. Esther’s parents had died so Mordecai took it upon himself to raise her. There are so many children out there that need parents or just a good home. Last but not least, pray. Maybe this should have been the first point as I am sure you have been praying and trying to find the Lord’s will. The Lord will work things out. I know I wouldn’t be in the family I am today if my mom and siblings hadn’t gone to yard sales. That is how they found my biological sister and me. We are white, but we noticed they had two dark children with them and we told them we were up for adoption. They went home and at the supper table my mom mentioned us to the rest of the family and said she hopes we find a good home. Her 16-year-old biological daughter said, “Why not here?” And here we are. Praise God. - New York

It is important to realize we adopt not because we are rescuers. No. We adopt because we are rescued. - David Platt Page 9

Question : While I was growing up I had a working relationship with my mom, but it was not a close relationship; I shared nothing more with my parents than I had to. Now with children of our own, I'm wondering how to develop close 'friendship relationships' with my children, especially my daughter. So to the daughters and mothers who enjoy each other as your best friend, what are some pointers to develop these trusted relationships?  Good relationships are a beautiful and rare blessing for a parent and child to experience. Whether its boys or girls, they long for a caring mother to pour out their hearts to. Don’t forget your sons; I’ve seen too many grown boys with a heart hungry for a mother friend. One of the greatest factors I believe is time. No good relationship happens without time. Take time with your daughter alone. Be very careful not to give busy signals and make her feel like other projects or missions are more important to you. Throw yourself into your daughter’s life whole-heartedly with an intense interest. Think back to your best friends in your youth. You cared immensely how they felt, what they liked, and what they did. Your daughter will love the same kind of affection and attention. We will never spoil our children with too much affection. This starts at a young age. Don’t think “when my girls get older then I’ll do things with them and have a good time.” Let them be a part of the household decisions. There are plenty of times when you need to direct them, so when it’s just a decision on what to have for supper or what color to paint the kitchen, let them have some say. Last, but most important, be on your knees about this. The Lord is our best teacher because He truly understands and plans for us to enjoy our children. Note from our daughter: I don’t have answers but I do know that having a mom who is your best friend is truly one of life’s greatest blessings. One thing I appreciate is that Mom spends time alone with each of us about once a week – taking a walk, sharing over cups of coffee, helping us with our projects, or even working in the garden or kitchen together. And none of us ever were too small for time with her. This, along with her understanding heart and frequent questions on how things are going, makes me feel like I can share my heart with her. And she never makes us feel different or belittled for our small worries or struggles. - Massachusetts

“It’s better to keep quiet and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!” Page 10

 I had a very good relationship with my mother growing up – in some ways she was my best friend. Now that I have growing girls of my own, I try to analyze what she did right. Even though we were close, we were not "buddies.” It was a different relationship than I had with my friends. Mom still held her lines, and we communicated about them. I think one of the things that made me feel like opening up to Mom was that she opened up to me. Not in every way, of course, but there were times when she shared her own struggles with her friendships or inferior feelings. I don't think girls will open up very quickly if there is only a one-sided sharing. Parents need to keep some things to themselves, but I think there is a way to share some things with your daughter without gossiping. When I told Mom my struggles with my friends or the church, she offered advice and encouragement in a motherly way, but she also sympathized with me. She didn't "talk down" to me about my problems. Just chatting about life together can often lead to opening up on both sides – good talks happen. There is no way to force a good relationship. But if you show her your love and do your best at communicating with her – not just when she has a problem, but sharing the good times and the bad – most likely she will return the communication. It would be fine if you discuss with her sometime that you want to be a good mom, but you're not always sure how because of your own past. She may in return tell you what she expects from her mother. If nothing else, she may give you more room for mistakes, if she knows you're trying your best. May God bless your efforts! - California

 Recently I read that building relationships sometimes comes ahead of work. We need to take time to listen to our children’s questions, and not just brush them off. Too often in the busyness of life, we don’t take the time to be considerate of our children’s “little problems.” Another thought I came across is that our relationships with our children must first of all be built on obedience and respect. Closeness to God is the goal we have for our children as they grow up. In building relationships with our children, we need to be careful to be confidential with their struggles and not be too free in talking about them to our friends. It is a challenge we all face. Sometimes I ask myself, “Will it matter in ten years that I didn’t get my kitchen floor washed before Sunday because I took time for my daughter?” - State withheld

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 I am a daughter who is blessed with a close relationship with my mom. I am not an only child and I think that I can say for the rest of my siblings that they too have the same kind of relationship with Mom. Of course my mom is not perfect. Nobody is. But part of the reason why Mom is the way she is, is because she has a close relationship with her mom. One thing is that my mom has no favorites. She loves us equally in spite of our varying personalities. Probably the biggest thing is that she gives her time and her love. It doesn’t matter how big or small the problem is, she is always there, and it’s never a bother to her. She loves the Lord and prays daily for her children and grandchildren. She is sincerely interested in my life. As a school girl, she was involved in my school girl problems. As a young girl, she was there for me through thick and thin. She never made belittling remarks about me and never made me feel dumb. After my boyfriend left for the first time, I got her out of bed just to talk. Now I’m married, and mom is only a phone call away still giving advice, encouragement, and love. The best thing she did for me was giving willingly of her time. This kind of relationship will take time, but it’s worth it all. - State withheld

 I’ve been blessed to have had a close and a working relationship with my mom. It’s hard to pinpoint how it happened. My parents are as human as anyone else and have always said that if their children make it to heaven, it’s in spite of what they did or didn’t do. There are some things that I admire, though, that I look back on that were a help to me. Here are a few: They loved God and each other. Any disagreements between them about the church or school were talked through alone. They protected us from hearing those unsettling conversations. A couple times of quality-time sharing that I remember – Mom would often come to us girls’ bedroom Saturday night to plan Sunday lunch which a was prime time to chat about many other things. After evening services, we’d get home and pull out food and sit around and visit. These are just a few of the good times we had that I still treasure. It’s not that we were best friends every moment of our lives – we had our trials too. A close relationship is a two-way street between mother and daughter and certainly something to thank God for. - Ohio Page 12

 My mother was, and still is, one of my closest friends. In the midst of raising a large family, she took time for us. I never felt like I was a bother to her or a hindrance to her accomplishing her projects. I remember many evenings that she would sit on the edge of our bed and visit for awhile before we went to sleep. Now that I have my own growing family, I realize the sacrifice and energy she invested to take the time for us. But surely, a close relationship with our daughters is worth a large sacrifice. Be a friend to your daughters. They need to feel that we enjoy them and enjoy having them around. Smile at them, laugh and talk together as you work together. Draw consistent, stable lines for your daughters. And as they get older, discuss these things. Explain the value of simplicity, politeness, and reserve. Give your daughters a chance to air their questions on things like dress, friendships, and a host of things that pertain to young women. Communicate – and that takes time, time we need to “make” sometimes. If you sense a certain daughter is struggling, make an opportunity to visit with her alone – just the two of you go for groceries or weed in the garden. I found for myself it was much easier to do this talking/discussing with my older daughter. We worked alone together more often. But I sensed the second daughter needed it, too. I was amazed at the difference it made in her attitude and outlook after she had the opportunity to open up and share about the “little problems” that were on her mind. Value their input – their ideas for what to plant in the flower beds or what they’d like to make for meals. They are not necessarily cookie-cutters of our personality and it’s good for them to shine in their own way – the way God made them. None of us are perfect. We’re all going to make mistakes. But our dear daughters are precious gifts from their heavenly Father. What a privilege is ours to love and treasure them – to enjoy these fleeting years with them by our side and establish relationships that will be blessing to us and them for years to come.

- Washington

 From the perspective of a daughter who enjoys a close relationship with my mom, I think the main key for us is communicating. When I was growing up, we always talked a lot… about work, about happenings, about people, about life. Much can be taught and learned from others. It was usually in the midst of these discussions about other things that the way would open to share those deeper life issues that can be difficult to talk about. Keep working together and keep talking! - Maryland Page 13

 I feel blessed to say I have always had a wonderful relationship with my mom. But when I try to point out what made it that way, I’m not exactly sure. But I did think of some ways that probably helped: If you see your child is troubled, go out of your way to ask what is wrong and help them fix it. Often give them a hug and kiss and tell them you are so glad God gave them to you as your child. Notes of appreciation on their pillow or in their lunch box have a way of making them feel connected. Apologize when you make a mistake. Tell them often that if there’s something bothering them, they should come and tell you about it. And thank them when they do. Keep your relationships with your children current. Share your feelings with her. I’m sure this is not a complete list but just some things that came to my mind. May God bless you with a close relationship with your children! - Montana

Question : Why don’t my towels stay soft and fluffy when I hang them out to dry? Is it a soap build-up? We have a high-efficiency washer and I watch that I don’t add too much soap to cause a buildup, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Any suggestions?  A friend told me to not add detergent to my towel and wash cloth load. She said the towels and wash cloths already have a fair amount of soap on them from bathing. She said she uses a bit of softener and that is all, and her towels are soft and sweeter smelling. I unbelievingly tried it and, lo, she is right! I also found to keep close track and bring them in as soon as they are dry, the softer they are. - Pennsylvania

 May I suggest that it isn’t a soap buildup problem? Did you ever notice that on windy days, the laundry is much softer, or that dryers always turn out soft fabric? Air turbulence and motion fluffs the fibers in your cloth and makes it that way. So pin it on tight and hope for high winds! - Pennsylvania

 Add ½ cup white vinegar to the rinse water. This will soften the towels and it’s cheaper than fabric softener. Amazingly, they will not smell like vinegar either! - Pennsylvania Page 14

 I have found out that if I don't use enough fabric softener my towels get very stiff. Also, don't use generic fabric softener and make sure that you’re not over filling your washer, as it won't rinse properly. Another thing that helps is to use the hottest water possible; this not only helps to keep your towels nice, but also it helps so the washcloths don't get that sour smell. Also, snap your towels real well when you hang them on the line. I've found it’s just hard to have soft fluffy towels when you hang them outside, but the fresh smell is worth it. - Illinois

Question : Do you have a good way to keep the cat from using the sandbox for a bathroom (besides getting rid of the cat)?  We had this problem too. There were maggots in the sand – it was that bad. Here are two ideas to help you: You can put a plywood lid on, split in half and hinged if your sandbox is really large. This nearly always takes an adult to remove, so Mom gets to control the sandbox use. She also has to stop and go get it off when the small children want in, then put it back on when everybody is done. You can also put up posts and string 4-foot high chicken wire around the sand box. Our cats never climbed over the top when they needed a spot. Of course you have to frame in a door so the children can get in and out. This style has benefits in keeping little ones from dumping so much sand over the side, plus the wee one who eats sand hasn’t figured out how to open the door, so she doesn’t get into the sand very often. A few morning glories planted close by climb the wire and nicely improve the look, plus add shade. - Pennsylvania

 We cleaned out our sandbox and left it set empty for a few weeks while the cat relocated her litter box and I sewed a cover. For an 8 ft. x 8 ft. sandbox, use a 12 ft. x 12 ft. Typar cloth (nurseries and landscapers lay this to block weeds). Sew 3-inch pocket hems around three sides (four sides is too heavy). Fill pockets with sand using a PVC pipe as a funnel. They don’t have to be bulging full. Always uncover your sandbox from the side that has no heavy sand pocket. I found this easy to make, and if we pull it shut at night and days the children aren’t playing in it, the sand has stayed clean. It also helps to keep a lot of leaf trash out. - Maryland

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 My husband built a roof over our sandbox and screened it in with chicken netting to keep the cats out. He also put in a door with a latch on the outside. This was very nice for another purpose as well, since we lived close to the road when the oldest children were small. When they played outside I would put them into the sandbox and latch the door, then I didn’t have to be so concerned about them getting onto the road. - Kentucky

New Questions… 1. How do you teach a 7-year-old child to be a graceful loser? Our daughter is offended and upset when she loses in a game or needs to take out. She doesn’t understand that it’s just a game. 2. What suggestions do you have for school picnics or fellowship meals? Do you always assign what to bring or does a hot-andcold-dish combo seem to bring enough variety? How much thought should be put into having something from each food group? Are there times we should consider the cost or time involved to make the food? 3. Is there anything to help a 4-year-old with his stuttering problem? We didn’t notice it at first, but have really noticed it more this last year. 4. What stain removers have you found to work well in treating laundry that needs pre-treatment? I have found Shout to be a good all-around stain remover. But what works to remove crayon or ink marks when a crayon or pen goes through the washer – or worse yet, dryer? Or those stubborn grease stains? 5. What can be used as a sandwich spread instead of salad dressing? I have a number of lunches to pack and most of my family does not care for salad dressing, but sandwiches are too dry without it.

Please respond with answers by October 15, 2015. Page 16

Fox Tales From the Northwoods An Overlooked Beautiful by Florence Fox

We strolled along the banks of the Manistee in the pleasant September weather. As we wound along the harbor, ducks paddled next to the boardwalk, begging for a handout. Fishing boats motored past on their way into the marina after early morning hours on the water. Flowers bloomed in sweet profusion around thoughtful park benches. What is it about beautiful places that beg me to unveil my soul on paper? I could have lost myself in that quietness—such tranquility!—if I had pen and paper and an obligation-free day. The plans for our annual summer excursion had turned to reality once again. In the few outings we embarked on as a family, I felt that I could hardly savor enough the marvels of nature. “I’ll take a slice of this for my next birthday,” I told Marlin. “Though you’d have to give it with a rain check so I could enjoy it in the summer.” “Sure,” Marlin said as he pushed the stroller transporting Kenzie and Colton over the wooden slats. “I’ll make it happen sometime.” Why do I secretly long for duty-free time to write? I am satisfied with my calling as a wife and mother. Perhaps the solitude and refreshing atmosphere of the boardwalk stir memories of a life almost forgotten, of dignity and simplicity long slipped away. I hated to leave. The place was so beautiful.

The boardwalk ends where it always has and where we knew it would: the café and ice cream shop. We open the door to familiar scents and enticing desserts. It takes us a few minutes, but we finally decide on our lunch. Kenzie orders chicken strips with fries for her and Colton, Laramie orders a BLT wrap to share with Marlin, and I order the fajita salad. The ice cream shop is busy. We wait for our food. Laramie elbows Kenzie to get her off his chair. Kenzie pulls the band out of her ponytail, and hair streams in her face. Colton stands up in his high chair. Page 17

At last, the waitress brings our food. Kenzie tries to chat with the waitress, but the waitress does not understand four-year-old lisp and smiles uncomprehendingly. While chicken cools on his plate, Colton guzzles water out of his pretty covered cup. A loud “whack” interrupts our eating as Kenzie bangs the ketchup bottle upside-down against the table, trying to shut the cap tightly. Laramie complains because his wrap has lettuce in it; Marlin de-lettuces it. Finally, the children have consumed most of the food on their plates, whatever was not discarded by picky palates or tossed on the floor. We order ice cream for dessert and wait. And wait. Colton refuses to sit in his high chair. Marlin grabs him before he topples onto the floor. Laramie ties his extra-long straw into a loose knot and props his knees against the table. Trying to copy Laramie’s knot, Kenzie mangles her straw beyond use. Marlin entertains Colton while I give Laramie and Kenzie a hushed pep talk on How To Eat In Public. My motivational speech is as effective as trying to drink with Kenzie’s straw. Laramie uses his fork to pound a staccato on the table. The sweeper in the corner looks like a suitable diversion to Colton, and he begs to play with it. Kenzie gets off her chair and wanders around the table. There is nothing more to do or say to keep the children quiet or even halfway presentable. This is disaster. I remember the boardwalk and my desire to revel in its shadow for a day. Sadly, I know that I will not fulfill today’s writing dream. I traded dignity and orderly living for a family, sitting in solitude to sitting with a tableful of children. The waitress comes, and all is quiet while the children eat dessert. Two well-dressed couples from the table next to ours push back their chairs and amble past. Their neat, composed demeanor makes us feel shabby. The man whom a waiter called “a million-dollar man” smiles and says a few words to us before walking out the door, words that still ring in my astonished ears: “Beautiful family.” Florence Fox lives in the Northwoods of Michigan with her husband and four children. She delights in the beauties of nature and its reflection of the Creator.

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Across My Kitchen Table… Our recipes this time are in answer to the following question: “I have interest in using more whole grains and natural sweeteners in my family’s diet. But I struggle to turn out a product they enjoy. Can you share tips and tried-and-proven recipes?” For next time, we’ll turn to another question we received: “Would anyone have recipes for fluffy gluten-free muffins and soft pretzels?” Let’s expand on that to include other gluten-free goodies as well. Send them by October 15, 2015.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies 1 Tbsp. ground flaxseed ¼ cup coconut oil or butter ¼ cup almond butter or peanut butter ½ cup sucanat or coconut sugar ¼ cup natural cane sugar or more coconut sugar

1 tsp. vanilla ½ tsp. baking soda ½ tsp. baking powder ½ tsp. sea salt 1 cup rolled oats* 1 cup almonds* ¼ cup dark chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350°. In a small bowl, mix the flaxseed and 3 Tbsp. water and set aside. Beat together the coconut oil and almond butter until combined. Add sugars and mix. Then add the flaxseed mixture and vanilla, mixing until combined. One by one, add the next ingredients. *Blend rolled oats (not quick oats) and almonds in a blender to make a flour. It won't be as fine as store-bought, but it still works great. Stir in the chocolate chips. Use a tablespoon and scoop the dough into balls onto a greased baking sheet. Press them down slightly. Bake for 10-14 minutes, depending on how crunchy or soft you like your cookies. Marie Miller, NM

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Coconut Dream Bars Crust: 1 cup butter, softened 1 cup sucanat

2 cups wheat or spelt flour

Cream butter and sucanat. Then stir in flour. Press into a greased 11x17-inch pan. Bake at 350° for 12 minutes. Cool for 30 minutes. Filling: 4 eggs, well beaten 1 tsp. baking powder 2/3 cup honey 6 Tbsp. wheat or spelt flour 1 cup sucanat 1 cup chopped pecans 2 tsp. vanilla 1 cup unsweetened coconut Beat eggs; add honey and beat until smooth. Beat in sucanat, vanilla, baking powder, and flour. Beat until smooth. Stir in pecans and coconut. Pour onto cooled crust and return to oven. Bake 15 minutes. Cool 15 minutes. Cut while warm. Serve when cool. These bars are reminiscent of pecan pie. Sweet and scrumptious! Regina Martin, MO

Raisin Oatmeal Cookies 1 cup butter 1 cup sucanat ½ cup honey 2 eggs 2 tsp. vanilla 1 cup raisins or chocolate chips

2 cups whole wheat or spelt flour 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. baking powder ½ tsp. salt 2 cups oatmeal 1 cup coconut

Cream butter, sucanat, and honey. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Add dry ingredients and refrigerate 2 hours or overnight. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes. Makes approximately 3 dozen. Regina Martin, MO

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100% Whole Wheat Bread 3¾ cups warm water 1/3 cup oil 1/3 cup honey or maple syrup 1 Tbsp. salt 2 Tbsp. lecithin 2 unflavored Vitamin C tablets, crushed

4 Tbsp. wheat gluten 1 egg 2 Tbsp. (heaping) instant yeast 10 cups fresh-ground whole wheat flour

Mix all ingredients together well in a mixing bowl. Knead (with a mixer) for 10 minutes (I use a Kitchen Aid). When finished kneading, divide dough into three loaves and place in greased pans. Prick the tops and let rise 30 minutes (it will rise more in the oven). Bake for 30 minutes at 325°. Remove from the oven and butter the tops. I use hard white winter wheat (Golden 86). It makes a lightercolored bread than the red wheat. If this is your first time to bake 100% whole wheat bread, don’t give up if it doesn’t turn out like you want right away. It took me awhile to perfect this recipe to where it is now. And even so, sometimes it’s denser and other times much lighter and fluffier, and I think I did everything the same. Sometimes I think the way it turns out depends on the weather! But of all bread recipes I have tried, this is our favorite. My 11-year-old son thinks it’s the best bread in the world.  Mary Beth Martin, MA

Healthful Tips….  Capitalize on what your family does enjoy. For example, my family likes fresh fruits and veggies, so I focus more on keeping them on hand instead of baked goods. Keeping cookies as a treat rather than a staple lessens the need to make them more "healthy." Many dessert recipes are overly sweet, and reducing the sugar works better for me than trying to use other sweeteners. To add whole grains to your diet, start out with a small percentage of whole grain flour and slowly build up to the percentage you want (or your family tolerates). Here again, focus on what your family does like. I use only brown rice, but 100% whole wheat bread doesn't go over as well. The ages of your children make a big difference in how they accept diet changes! And if it is your husband who resists the change, honoring him is much more important than following your own desires, however right they may seem to you. I wish you the best as you find what works for your family! - Virginia Page 21

 Spelt flour is fluffier than whole wheat flour; therefore breads, cookies and cakes are not nearly as heavy when made with spelt flour. Use the same equivalent of spelt flour as you would for white or whole wheat flour. (It may take slightly more for yeast doughs.) Fresh ground flour makes a much softer dough when making bread. Also, I found it helpful to introduce these changes gradually. For bread, I slowly added more and more spelt flour – my family didn’t seem to notice the change! Best wishes! Regina Martin, MO  Do you have the Healthy Choices cookbook, printed by the editors of Keepers at Home? It’s full of healthy recipes. A few of our favorites in the dessert line are vanilla pudding (page 331), chocolate pudding (page 334), very good chocolate cake (page 282) with buttercream frosting (page 290), and angel food cake (page 285). My children gobble those down and don’t know it’s healthier for them! When using my own familiar recipes, I almost always cut the amount of sugar in half. Sometimes I use part whole wheat flour in cookies or cake. The last few years I have used stevia instead of sugar when I can fruit. To a gallon pitcher of water, add 2 tsp. stevia and then fill the jars. My husband, who doesn’t care for the aftertaste stevia tends to have, can’t taste the difference. And now I don’t mind when my children want to drink the syrup after the fruit is gone! Slip healthful additions in where it’s not noticeable. You can add flax seed meal to baked oatmeal or your granola recipe. It can also be added to meatballs. They’ll never notice. Using applesauce instead of oil is a low-fat alternative in some recipes, and often is not apparent. Don’t be afraid to experiment. You’ll learn what works for you and it will get easier with time. Mary Beth Martin, MA

Hospitality Hospitality means not waiting For some invited guest To sit beside one’s table and Partake of but the best. It means the simple sharing, Perhaps of one’s last crumb, One’s roof and cheerful fire With any who may come.

It matters not how humble A little home may be When it is offered gladly Without apology, When it is offered gaily As a gift that one would bring, Hospitality thus given Is a lovely, gracious thing. - Grace Crowell Page 22

“Mom, is God Old?” by Celesta Byers

My analytical 5-year-old has a way of bringing me back to what life is all about and usually at interesting times. She looks like she lives in la-la land and has such great times with her imagination. It’s hard to rein her chariot down from the cloud to earth again at times. One afternoon I was having a busy-mother-moment. It’s the kind that I try to avoid by careful planning and not having so much on my plate at once. Every now and then I neglect the voice of warning and have them anyway, but most of the time they’re unavoidable as all moms know. That day one of my daughters was in the tub and needed help with her hair, my baby was fussing for a feeding, and my just-turnedtwo-year-old had another problem that I should have been tending. I was racing from one project to another and passed my five-year-old sitting on the washer. Now that is not her usual perch and I don’t know why she chose it then either. But all of a sudden she said, looking down from her chariot in the sky, “Mom, is God old?” My first reaction was to laugh, although I knew better. This was a serious question for her and serious for me too. It took me away from the present moment of practical motherhood to my holy God. “Stop and think of Me,” it seemed that God was saying. “Just for a few moments think of Me. I always was and always will be. I will never grow old. I am here right now. Forget about these minute frustrations your children give you and think of Me! Remember how awesome and powerful I am. Think of how I love you and remember to love your girls with that same kind of love. Love them unconditionally, love them sincerely; show them mercy, grace, and patience just as I show you every day.” So now when I find myself in the throes of busy motherhood I often think of that occasion. It reminds me to take a few moments to pause and think of how wonderful my God is and that He just wants a few precious minutes with me, too. And I still face those thought-stirring questions from my daughter – “Mom, does God have a birthday?”

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Eulogy Enough She was witty and clever. Her bedding was aired Twice yearly. She never was caught unprepared By guests unexpected. Her floors always shone. Her pies were perfected; her bread stood alone. She could draw; she could sing; she had talents like that. She ate the right things and she never got fat. Her habits, when spending, were frugal, not cheap. She kept up her mending. She got enough sleep. She was death and destruction on clutter and dirt, Gave clear, calm instruction when someone got hurt. No matter what happened, she wasn’t misled. She could follow a map and could add in her head. Her children succeeded. The dishes were done. Her garden was weeded. A job once begun – She would surely complete it. Her windows were shined…. Scratch all that. Delete it. And write:

She was kind.

- Janice Etter

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